5 Things that will kill your relationship before it even starts

See why you keep picking emotionally unavailable men

As beautiful as love is, little things we do can cost us our loved ones. If you get to ask most people why their relationship ended, you’ll discover it’s because of one silly thing they or the other person did. The truth is that whatever triggered the breakup could have easily been avoided.

That thing you are doing that you feel doesn’t really matter could be the reason why your relationships don’t last. You may be sabotaging a perfectly good pairing by practising destructive behaviours, and you may not even be aware you are doing that.

Below are some relationship killers you should avoid at all costs.

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1. Negativity

Taking this attitude into your relationship simply means your relationship won’t see the light of the day. Negativity kills! Stop trying to look for the worst in every situation. Keep at it and you’ll only have yourself to blame because you’ll wake up one day only to realise you are all alone. Nobody wants to be with you! Be positive. Most people want to be around someone who makes them feel good. And having a negative attitude to everything will only make people stay away from you even if they love you.

Dating and relationship expert Matthew Hussey said negative attitude will dampen the passion in your relationship. He said: “Don’t moan. Half the people I know — both men and women — the first thing they do when someone says, ‘How are you doing?’ is [complain]. They’ll say, ‘Oh, well this happened today, and that happened today…I’m tired and I haven’t gotten enough sleep…’ That is the impression they’re going to get of you from then on…you have to be someone who really enjoys their life.”

2. Being jealous and extremely possessive

I know jealousy is something a lot of us are guilty of in our relationships. It is ok to be mildly jealous but don’t take it overboard. Your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife may be having long conversations with someone of the opposite sex, and they may even be laughing and enjoying themselves. And there you are, wondering what they are talking about and why they are laughing and all that. Stop that already!

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Jealousy can be healthy if it is managed well and dealt with. But if you are getting too jealous, it’s a sign you are insecure and aren’t working on yourself enough. Insecurity can drive your partner away from you and cause them to hide more of their actions, leaving less trust in the relationship.

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 3. Comparison

Comparison is something we often witness in relationships. Don’t compare your partner to others even if you feel there are qualities they don’t have that your ex had. It could destroy their self-esteem and that may not be your aim.

According to Dr. Tim Kimmel, founder and executive of Family Matters, “comparison can be poisonous to your relationship. “I’ve seen couples miss the chance to refuel each other’s sense of security by carping about physical issues that aren’t in that person’s control. Criticism about your spouse’s body type drains their sense of security almost every time…Comparison doesn’t help a spouse feel secure, either.”

So be kind to each other and celebrate your uniqueness.

4. Trying to change your partner.

A relationship is all about loving your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover the way they are and for who they are without attempting to change them. If your partner wants to change, let it come from them. Don’t try to initiate it. If you desire a change in your relationship, communicate it with your partner. And if your partner is unwilling to change their behaviour it is left for you to decide if you want to carry on with the relationship.

5. Laziness

If you want your relationship to last, you have to consciously make effort to make it work. Invest your time and energy to building the beautiful union you so desire. Show your partners you love and care about them. Don’t be too busy for them. It’s important to keep your relationship in mind and take action each day to strengthen it.




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