It is natural to go through some trying moments in life. It could be that your partner is no longer satisfied with your relationship, while in some other cases, it could be that he/she is going through some hard times – at work, finances, health, sex life and so forth.
It is normal for us to want to help them fix these problems, but relationship therapist and founder of Connectfulness, Rebecca Wongs advises against it. She says:
“The trick in a relationship is to understand how to help one another to grow through these moments. Our relationships offer us opportunities to reflect on ourselves. When your partner is going through a particularly icky spell, the best thing you can do is listen and reflect. Refrain from trying to fix him, try to put away your own defensiveness, and listen for his needs. Be his retreat from the ick rather than contribute to it.”
You want to help your partner through trying times? Follow these 5 expert suggestions
- Let them know they are appreciated
Fixing their problems might be something we may not be able to achieve, but we can make them know we love them and are always there for them. Let them feel safe and at home in their own home. Let them know there is always someone to come home to. Don’t worsen their situation by acting like you don’t care.
Author, Patty Blue Hayes says: “If your husband is feeling less valued at work, then amplify your appreciation of him at home. Let him know specifically what he’s doing right and how it makes you feel. Tell him a few times a day that he is being seen, valued and appreciated for what he’s doing.”
2. Don’t criticize
Don’t worsen their problems by criticising them. If you don’t have anything to say, just listen and be there for them. “It is important for a wife to be open and available for when her husband wants to talk about his life,” says marriage coach and consultant Leslie Doares. “It is important to approach this from a place of curiosity and interest and not criticism. Asking open ended questions in a non-judgmental way is the best way to get your husband to open up.”
3. Don’t blame yourself for their problems
You are not the reason for their problems, so don’t become emotional by taking. If he becomes irritable, give him some space. Blue Hayes say, “If he’s frequent to having fits of anger and directs them at you, bring it to his attention immediately, letting him know you won’t tolerate that. Seek help together through a counsellor, coach or relationship book or workshop.”
- Don’t neglect your sex life
Experts suggest you can use the sex remedy. “Even if his libido may be down from feeling unhappy, a little seduction could go a long way in turning his frown upside down. You’ve got some lingerie tucked away somewhere; bring it out. Sex releases the feel-good chemicals and deepens the bond between the two of you.”
- Have fun
Helping your spouse get out of their moody state is important. You can do that by having fun with them. Make them understand life is beautiful and worth living. Play some games, go to for a walk together, do some crazy things to take their mind off the challenges.