Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us have had a person who we considered a “second choice” when we were out dating people. In most cases, we’ve also been the backup plan as well.

We really can’t judge people for settling when they can’t be with the one they love. After all, chances are high that you’d do the same. The problem is that nobody wants to be someone’s second choice or backup plan when they’re trying to have a truly serious, long-lasting relationship.

Not sure where you stand with the guy you’re into? If you’re noticing these things, you’re his silver medal rather than his gold standard.

See Also: Make your long-distance relationship suck less with these real life tips

  1. Things he’s doing with you are done at his convenience, not yours.

This is a sign that you’re his backup plan and it’s a painful one to admit to yourself. If your relationship is one that has him coming and going at his convenience, you’re his backup plan… or even lower than that on his totem pole.

  1. He won’t share responsibilities or property.

You want him to move in, but he refuses. You both love animals and you want to buy a dog with him, and he rejects that too. You want him to work with you on a hobby project, and he says no. If he’s drawing these clear boundaries, he’s giving you a subtle hint that you can’t count on the relationship progressing.

  1. Every single commitment step you get him to make is your initiation, and it’s never easy.

Nobody wants to settle and if a guy sees you as his second choice, then he’s going to come up with any excuse possible to delay commitment. The reason why is because he’s hoping to hold out for someone else, and if he’s committed to you, it may “ruin” his chances.

  1. He cancels plans all the time.

Much like with other signs on this list, this is often an indicator that you might also be a side chick. If a guy really likes you, he’ll prioritise you. Even big shots with super-busy schedules like Jay-Z still make time for Beyoncé. You know what I mean?

If A-list celebs can make time so they don’t avoid cancelling, there’s really no excuse for a typical dude.

  1. He doesn’t spend money on you.

This rule may seem pretty petty and trashy, but it holds up. When a guy really wants to pursue a girl, he’ll lavish her with gifts and will do anything possible to show her he’d take care of her. If he’s too broke to buy you coffee or dinner once a week, you’re probably not his top choice.

  1. You constantly worry he’ll disappear if you stand up to his bad behaviour.

More often than not, we tend to know on a subconscious level where we stand with people. If you feel like you have to compete for his love or if you feel like he could up and leave without a second thought, you’re probably right.



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