Marriage is a very serious matter; therefore it is important to put a few things in place before tying the knot. It is important to discuss certain things with your partner before committing your whole lives to each other.
Marriage experts suggest you do the following before tying the knot so as to have a lasting marriage:
- Work together to become skilled communicators
Psychiatrist and founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, Marcia Sirota says:
“When you can both share your feelings honestly and clearly ask for what you need, the marriage is more likely to last. When you have something difficult to say, being adept at healthy confrontation is a must. You need to be able to express your anger, frustration, disappointment or dissatisfaction in a way that doesn’t put your partner on the defensive or make them feel attacked. When you can do all this, you’re setting yourself up for a long and happy marriage.”
- Acknowledge your shortcomings
All couples have challenges and problems they have to face. If you want to have a happy marriage, it is important to address problems as soon as they pop up. Ignoring them won’t make them go away.
Discussing each other’s shortcomings will help create an understanding between you. You both can then agree to work on fixing this area of your lives.
- Discuss family planning
Do you want to have kids? How many kids do you want? Does your partner want the same? Addressing family planning with your partner before you tie the knot is very important. These are questions you must tackle before marriage. Having an agreement ahead of time will save you guys a lot of potential problems down the road.
- Make peace with each other’s friends and families
Have a relationship with your partner’s friends and families. Marriage is very challenging, having people with whom you can share some good and challenges moments with is important. You are not marrying them, but it will give your partner joy to know that you have some form of relationship with his or her family.
- Have weekly marriage meetings even before the wedding
Don’t let the word “meeting” scare you off. The reason for the meeting is to talk and connect with your significant half. Go out and grab some coffee or take a walk together; the setting is not important.
- Premarital counselling
Going for premarital counselling with a well trained professional marriage therapist is very important. Some people may try to avoid this because they are afraid it might dredge up issues they never knew existed in the relationship. Premarital counselling is just a preventive measure “check up” for marriage where you can return in the future if the relationship needs attention.
- Talk about your finances
Having an established plan on how you want to manage your finances will save you a lot of disagreements in the long run. If you decide you want a joint account or individual accounts, it is fine. When it comes to money in marriage, transparency is very important. Agreeing on how much each person can spend without consulting the other will be quite helpful, just don’t get involved in anything shady that would lead to distrust.
“Financial health is a reflection of the health of your relationship and how well you communicate and function as a team.” ― Leslie Petruk