You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.

Abraham Lincoln

ninja rats of aso rock

Hmmmmmmm, so we woke up on Monday morning to hear the Special assistant on media matters to our dear president Mr Garba Shehu tell us how that because of a rat infestation, the president would not resume work at the presidential office but would now work from home. Very interesting but we were assured that there is a very good office attached to the residential quarters from which he would now work. Oh, did I mention that we were also told that the high powered construction firm Julius Berger has been called in to do the repairs but the time it would take to fix the office couldn’t be estimated?

This means that our dear president would have to work from home indefinitely.

Another media aide, Femi Adesina chipped in to explain that the office at home is an exact replica of the office at the office and the president wouldn’t miss a thing.

Just last year, the presidential office was part of the N3.9bn renovation of the Aso Rock complex. A lot of questions were asked on why so much money was being spent on such a venture seeing that it had only just been renovated in late 2014. it is interesting how all that money couldn’t rat proof the office.

I wonder what kind of rats would so devastate the president’s office so fast in three months that it rendered it unusable for our president to use. These must be special ninja rats imported from North Korea or some other special forces countries. It can only be so for them to have inflicted such damage. We are told that they ate up all the A/c, cables, rugs and so forth.

The report of rats eating up the president’s office is quite scandalous. Now just as we have billionaire kidnappers, we have billionaire rats. When exactly did these rats start eating up the office, the 3 months the president was away or before?

I wonder what the cleaners that were part of a 2016 operational budget of N6.5bn were doing when the rats were having a field time. Where were the office staff during this period? Did They just sit down and watch such extensive damaged being carried out on a national monument? One thing I didn’t hear was about penalties being carried out on the offending staff or staff in charge. Oh yes, someone in the office must be punished.

Now another angle to the matter: Why Julius Berger? Rats don’t eat concrete. They don’t eat floors. If it is a matter of replacing rugs and stuff, that would only take a week or so. Why did we need to bring in heavy hitting Julius Berger when it is not concrete or reconstruction. The president only came back on the weekend, how come that the rat infestation was discovered so fast that by Monday morning, an assessment was already done and a contract awarded? Did it follow the due process so touted by this administration? Hmmmmmm.

Did the advisers and staff not know the president was coming back? Couldn’t they fix the place up before he came? People don’t realize the security implications of this matter. What national document is safe in that rat infested office? Maybe that is why the national budget got missing last year; it must have been eaten by these same rats.

Chai!! truly our mumu don too much. We have been taken so much as mumus that there is no bother to even spin convincing lies any longer. Our guys have totally run out of imagination. Now we must blame it on Rats!! Rats!! We all have houses, we all have been victims of rat infestation and we know what to do. Seriously my guy, how do rats eat up the office of a whole president as if it is one roadside bukka?

We have stumbled from one national embarrassment to the other since the advent of this government especially its media advisors. From a lying minister whose name is synonymous with Lies to media aides who don’t understand how to manage situations. Can’t they spare us one more embarrassment? From the time of this government, somebody else or something else has always had to take the blame.

Guys, we know that you would need to come up with a story to explain why the president wouldn’t be able to come to work, why he would need to stay home and continue the rest visit from Aso Rock London. We had already suspected that he was rushed back home too soon. We are even expecting to hear that he would soon be returning to the London branch of Aso rock to carry out affairs but mehn, create plausible lies.

The one that is paining me is that all these lying men are fathers of children and husbands of wives. They would go home to face these children who are expected to be leaders of tomorrow and walk in their father’s footsteps.

Right now we are having strong debates on social media right now over rats. The time we should be using for other things. The good thing about it is that it is indeed a good distraction from pertinent national issues. this is one thing this administration has proven very good at doing – distraction.

But then I know something, when the present government came into power, they unleashed change upon our country. This change has come with a clamor for accountability from our leaders. I truly don’t think they knew this would be a side consequence. Now the genie is out of the bottle, it isn’t going back. It might take a while to manifest but trust me, this country has changed. It is no longer business as usual.

So for now, it could be the Ninja rats, next time it could be the cats that came to eat the rats. One day, the excuses would stop or we the people with the power given to us via our vote would make it stop. 2019 is around the corner. Chikena, a word is enough for the wise.


  1. .
    Rats staged a “coup”, reminding our President that they had taken over his “office”. One wonders who among them is occupying the position of commander-in-chief of the federal republic of rodents.

    Last line : Whatever became of the votes in the current and immediate past Budgets for “Fumigation” in the Fila?


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