I started dating my boyfriend 8 years ago while we were in both in second year at the university. He was struggling financially and I helped him all through the rest of school. As my parents gave me much more than I required. I rented the house we both lived in and we stayed together all through school. I also supported him with school fees and upkeep.
He had a extra semester so I went to youth service before him and started a very good job work just after. After his NYSC, I moved out of my parents house and rented a place so we could be together. It took him a year to get a job and all these while I took care of his bills.
He got a very good job in marketing with good commissions and in two years, he has done really good for himself. Now he is acting up. He got his own place on the excuse that my 2 bedroom flat was too small. I still have about 7 months to go on my flat so we agreed I will join him when the rent was due.
We had agreed we will get married a year after he was stabilized. Which should be this year. However when the time came to discuss marriage, he became dodgy. Just recently he became cold and finally says he isn’t ready, that I should either give him more time or move on without him.
I am really heart broken as I have invested the best part of the last 8 years into this relationship. I know that the right thing to do is move on but a part of me is saying that he might still want me. What do I do Davina? Please advice.
I feel your pain babe. I hear these stories from time to time from both sexes and it can be heart breaking. It is heartbreaking enough committing yourself to a long term relationship just to have your partner pull the wool from under the rug and decide to walk away.
You could also have a sense of being used where it seems that you were just used like an ATM and dumped when you were no longer needed.
From experience, I have learnt not to judge a book from its coverings. things don’t always seem the way they appear. There might be a side of the story here that your are not seeing.
- Sometimes, we might read intentions wrongly. He might really genuinely want more time and you might also be piling pressure on him without being aware. The guy might want to have more assurances of financial independence before going ahead to commit himself to you. You might feel that 2 years or what you have seen might be enough. He however might have a different idea in mind. For example, what if the Job is no longer there?
- Now he isn’t as dependent on you, you could have some form of insecurity making you think he is cold or withdrawn or even proud. It could just be you reacting to his new found independence.
- I would suggest that you try and look at things more candidly and from his own point of view as well. Seat him down for a talk and you guys speak from your hearts. Listen to him and allow him to explain himself and his thoughts. ASsure him were possible but allow him the freedom to express himself.
- Where he really and genuinely is dumping you, take a silver lining from this… It is best that his true colors came out now rather than when you had gone too far. From my calculations, you are still in your late 20’s very early 30’s. There is still plenty of time to get hooked up with a good guy.
Please live your life full and without fear. Sometimes your eyes see better without the weight of this long term school relationships where your choices where quite limited.
have an awesome holiday!
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