So once in a while, I get these tricky Dear Davina cases. Tricky in the sense that the answers are complex and multi-sided. They usually sound very simple but have underlying undertones not related to the issues at hand but more to human nature.

Anyways, we have another Dear Davina case on our hands and I look forward to your opinions and thoughts on this. Please also take the time to read our other Dear Davina and Davina Diaries articles. Cheers

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Dear Davina, Can I Date My Sister’s Crush?

Dear Davina,
pls, I need your advice, a guy asked my sister out and she said she’s not interested because she’s dating someone else.
It is about a year now and the guy is still on that matter. I went to visit my sister a few months ago and that guy is falling for me…
I do like the guy but I don’t want to hurt my sister…
Dear Davina, Please what should I do

My two cents…

Hi Diana,

Thanks for your mail.
hmmmm and this is a long hmmmm. Matters like this tend to be sensitive.

1. On one hand, your sister doesn’t want him meaning that he is available to you or anyone, but then, this guy has been crushing on your sister for one whole year meaning he is known in her circle.

2. Why is he suddenly interested in you? This adds a new dimension to the story. If he had met you before now, why did the narrative change? Why is he suddenly interested? If he is just meeting you for the first time, it is even worse. It shows some fickleness in his nature.

3. Could you consider that the guy could be using you as a weapon to get to your sister? He might want to use you to taunt her later. There is an underlying part where you said that “I don’t want to hurt my sister” could it be that your sister isn’t aware of all the crushing that is going on?

My advice…

I believe that this is one of those life dramas that it is best you avoid as they aren’t worth the trouble.

When a guy is going for a sister, there should be a focus on what he wants. He can’t get there and change the agenda. A guy who does such can’t really be trusted because it means that he doesn’t have a clear idea of what he really wants.

If your sister is really in a valuable relationship, she would have given this guy enough signals to let him know she is off limits. For her to still be enjoying his attention one year down the line or for him to still be hanging around, it means that she is stringing him. Which means that in real fact, your sister still regards him as hers in a way.

As I pointed out in a similar case to this, some relationship lines shouldn’t be crossed. Lines like your sister’s current, ex or crush are no-nos. I think the guy is a no good cad. He is obviously up to no good and wants to use you against your sister. I believe he deliberately came after you, played on your emotions and started paying you attention so as to get you to the point where you are now.

Avoid this guy, he isn’t worth it. Don’t even bother asking your sister if she is interested or not. Wipe whatever like you have for him. Some things are a no-go area. I would even advice that you tell your sister his tricks so as to avoid any setup the guy has for you in future or any lies he plans to give your sister about you.

This chap isn’t worth the family drama that would ensure. There are some things that shouldn’t even be discussed. If you open up to your sister, she might be quiet and seemingly shrug it off but she could mark you in her heart as a future Bf stealer. It isn’t worth it. There are many guys outside go get yours.

I hope this help

You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you


  1. That’s a seriously one sided biased advice Davina! I think.a lot of times people forget that this is emotions we are talking about. The human brain usually knows what’s good for a person most times better than the heart. So he should die on the matter of a girl who doesn’t want him? What if his love for the elder sister blinded him to seeing that the qualities he wants are in the younger one? Yes there is potential for her being a bounce back but balance your advice up with the fact that he might just have had his eyes opened at the last minute to realise that the younger sis might just be all he ever wanted. He met her before when he was chasing the elder sis so they became familiar. A year later, he has begun to wean himself off the elder sis and suddenly has his heart aligned with his brain and has noticed this younger sis he probably has been interacting with for sometime now since he first met her and obviously realises that being with someone who loves or can love you is better than unrequited love. I think she should put him on probation. The guys change of heart doesn’t signify unsteadiness, it signifies someone who doesn’t want to pine for what he can’t have and has moved on. She should put him on probation and see if he’s truly with her for her. Simple.


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