another day, another Dear Davina. I hope we can have an active discussion on this one.
thank you for this platform, I am an ardent reader and follower of DD. I haven’t been so bold to share my story, but I have to share this at this point. My name is Yemisi, a banker by profession. I hail from Osun state. I was circumcised at 13years and it’s the worse experience that anyone can go through. My mum watched me as they tied me up and my clitoris was removed.
I cried and bled the whole night and no one slept that day in the house. I asked my mum, why she allowed them to do that to me, she said it’s the culture and tradition.
I have been having so many failed relationship as a result of being circumcised because I don’t know what it feels like to have feelings during sex. This has greatly affected me both emotionally and psychologically. I am looking at getting married soon but how do I deal with this issue.
My ex left me cos he said that he feels as if he is with a man whenever we make love. I need help cos I’m looking at getting married soon. Kindly advise.
it is still surprising how many of these archaic traditions are still being practised today. I asked a lady in her fifties the other day why she had circumcised her daughter and she said that it was first a tradition and above all, it was to prevent the girl from being promiscuous. Unfortunately, it worked the other way round. The young lady now in her twenties had come to me because she was having issues with her sexuality. She was having several bed partners because she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t feel a thing during sex. Discussing with her, I found that she had been circumcised though she didn’t know it then. It was what led to my questioning her mother.
First of all, it is unfortunate that this has been done to you. It appears that whoever did the circumcision must have cut real deep and affected your sensual nerves. But trust me they are still there just that you would need to do more work than usual to get to it. It also depends a lot on your sexual partner. He would have to be willing to work with you as much as possible.
- First, understand that prior to start having sex, you would need to discuss this issue openly with your partner. Let him understand that you were circumcised and the issues you have had with sex. While sex is a great fuel in relationships, I want to believe that the reason for the relationship is far more than sex. The biggest sex organ in the body is the brain and where you both have an understanding and are comfortable with each other, you have established a good beginning.
- The body is full of several sexual points beyond the vagina and if properly stimulated, would give you enough sexual satisfcaton. You would need to work with your sexual partner on the areas that stimulate you and work with him to take time not just to arouse you but to bring you to full satisfaction.
- Experiment with different positions and find what is good for both of you. Since you never felt anything before, there really is nothing you are missing. It is similar to asking a vegetarian waht chicken tastes like. Therefore create your own “feel spots”, what turns you on and what gets you off. Trust me a lot of what you read or watch about sex is grossly exaggerated.
Remember though that life is a journey. learn to enjoy it. Much love. Davina
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