Thank you for your so much for your column. It is so so enlightening and helpful.
I’m 25 years old and I currently live with my parents. There have been no problems with them but recently I discovered my mom had an affair at the time I was conceived. I got to know this by reading some texts on her phone from a certain man. While it seemed they separated long ago, the man seems to believe he’s my father.
I love my mom so much but I’ve been in shock since I read those messages. I’m beginning to question who I really am. Should I confront my mom? I’m not even sure if my father was aware of the affair.
I feel depressed, I need advice. Thanks.
Hello Angela, thanks for your nice comments and your letter.
This is quite a difficult one for you and for all your family members because you have opened a Pandora’s box. Seriously, I advise people to stop peering into phones that isn’t theirs as you would always see what you don’t want to see. The big challenge is that your curiosity has been challenged and you would find it difficult to keep quiet and move on. The thing though is that no matter how difficult, what has to be done has to be done.
1. There are several parties involved in this matter and you would need to think deeply about the effect of stuff like this on each of the parties involved. There is your mum, there is your dad, there is the man, there is you and then there are your siblings if you have any. I reckon everyone has been quiet about this so far. If as you say you have had a good time so far with your parents, maybe you should just allow sleeping dogs lie, trust your mum and move on. Allow her to handle the matter as she has handled it all the 25years of your existence. With time, all will sort itself out.
One of the things said is that it is the mother who knows who the father of the child is. Yes, we are in the age of DNA testing but what if she tells you one thing and then you insist on a test and find that she was right, it would bring about more issues than you could know.
2. If you can’t handle it and are getting too emotional about it, go find time and talk to her. Tell her what you read on her phone and allow her “come clean” with you.
As you can see, everything depends on your mother. Remember that a parent isnt necessary one who gives birth to a child but the one who nutures the child. The sad thing about life is that people make mistakes that could hunt them for live.
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