Dear Davina,

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 30. We have been dating for 2years. He’s been working since I was in school, I only just recently graduated. The problem is, my boyfriend has never offered to help financially and I have never asked either. I’ve been advised to maybe try asking but I am independent, shy and have my own level of pride. It is so bad that even during graduation, birthdays, etc, he says nothing.

He does love me a lot and we are planning to get married soonest… But I cannot marry that. He keeps saying he wants to give his family the best but can’t give his future wife anything. Anytime I complain of being broke or needing something, he goes “ehyaa, pele, ask daddy.” It pisses me off because I know he isn’t broke; his family is well-to-do too. Please I need your help.

Read Also: I Know HE Loves Me BUT he Never Gives Me Money & Bothers Me

Oh! Lest i forget… I don’t know any of his family members although he has finally invited me to come see his family early next year when he returns (he stays abroad).

Thank you so much, I love your work and hope to hear from you soonest.

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My 2-Cents:

First I must commend you for hanging in there this long. You must really love the guy. However, it’s a gamble. You say you’re sure he loves you and I’m wondering how you can be so sure under the circumstances. As far as I know, there is no love without giving. Even God had to “give” his son as a demonstration of His Love. So if he’s not giving gifts and coming to your aid in times of need (even when he can afford it), what’s he giving?

Read Also: My BF insists on remaining close friends with his EX, it’s driving me crazy!

Anyways, I think you should try and directly ask him, not because you need anything but to hear if you’re going to get an outburst, a reprimand, a ctrl+ignore… Whatever reaction. As you’ve rightly said, you can’t marry that. You sure do not want a husband that’s not ‘open handed’. I’m all for being independent but there’s a place for inter-dependency in a relationship. Much as I can afford to pay my own bills and take care of myself, I would expect my man to at least make an attempt to meet my needs and do stuff for me without being asked, especially when I know he can very well afford it.

You are 24 sweetheart… There’s still time for you to be swept off your feet by another man who can put his money where his mouth is.

All the best.

Davina
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TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you…

xoxoxoxoxo

193 COMMENTS

  1. Love gives..so a man dat claims to really love u, must take pleasure in giving u things maybe not physical cash, but there must be an assurance dat he as d money oo,so mayb he wants to marry u bfr he starts spending on u..Also It all depends on d kind of things u are xpecting from him.. He may not ve given u money, wat about his tyme? But in cases were he asnt given u money /tyme/advice then there is a problem .But honestly to date a man for two years and u cant boast of him giving u nothing.. Mmmm i hope he is not d superglue kind of man.. Not gud

    • My sis money is a necessity in your relationship ooo otherwise he will become nagging when you too marrys cos demand are high. If he loves u for two and cannot buy you ordinary ice cream please run for ur dear life as dat marriage will only cause you pain than true love and happiness. My opinion though

    • Same thing i said.. Read well..not like he is completely broke n as nothing at all if not am sure she wnt ve stayed for two years.. Bsides na ice cream be d problem.. Most men would buy u bowls of ice cream during ordinary relationship wen its comes to marriage u go drink d ice cream with enough blow,hypertension n frustration nobody go tell u.. So as long as he as little n u know/ve an assurance that the money is there, then no problem. Cos i dont think a normal guy would ve nothing atall yet talks of marriage..

    • Which man will want to marry u b4 he starts spending on u? How can u separate love from giving. If he cannot give to u now that the two of u are dating even as he has,he won’t give u when u guys are married. If he doesn’t have is a different ball game but to have and be claiming that until marriage b4 giving is a fowl kind of love. My advice is if u can cope n love a stingy man for who is he then go ahead and marry him then bear the pain of stinginess.

    • @chinemerem..i dont believe a woman would be in a relationship for two whole years without receiving anything and she stays in d relationship for dat long.. Tyme, money, advice, Sure he must have giving her atleast two of dis tinz..bsides is he goin to marry her with sand n water?? diffinitely he would marry with money.. Leave story.. An ordinary village girl sef man would date n spoil her wit money mayb not lots of money but would diffinitely buy her stuffs/make her hair atleast..also if she sincerely /truly/knows he as d money/tyme/advice and yet NEVER given her.. She as a choice to walk away.. Cos a man dat truly loves u must always want to give n do things for u..

    • My sis money is a necessity in your relationship ooo otherwise he will become nagging when you too marrys cos demand are high. If he loves u for two and cannot buy you ordinary ice cream please run for ur dear life as dat marriage will only cause you pain than true love and happiness. My opinion though

    • Just responding to people who said she is materialistic…..my point is u don’t have to buy her the whole world if u can’t afford it but be generous…. Anyone who says they don’t like money is only deceiving themselves…..so we are saying same thing dear ….cheers

  2. Red signal….. If he isn’t spending and investing on you then certainly he is investing on someone else. It simply means you are not a priority in his scale of preference…. Run for your dear soul. Love is absent.

  3. Babe, if he is not spending on you, he is spending it on someone else. No matter how little it is, a man that loves you would be willing to share whatever he has with you.
    And per adventure he doesn’t have at all, also watch out.. Marriage is all about responsibilities. Your parents wouldn’t be catering for you anymore, infact, they may even be expecting from you. There are bills and bills to be paid…..diapers, baby food, clothes, rent, school fees, etc. Love doesn’t settle all those.
    There should be a source of income before marriage. Pray for God to open doors for him before you settle down.

    • No he can never think she have everything. If truly he love her..love nowadays has turn to game .In fact may Allah choose for us…..,

  4. O gini ka ana-. Akodi ihe, my dear sister run away from him, a man that loves u must care and that includes spending on u, if he doesn’t do that then he is doing it for some other girl, ask urself if u are a man can u love him and not spend on him, some guys should find another way of deceiving girls joor! Anya saa girl

    • we are a helper not a supplier of wealth. whatever we put on the table is added to support u but for not giving me ordinary fanta for two years is a taboo. money is a necessity in your relationship ooo otherwise he will become nagging when you two marrys cos demand are high. If he loves u for two years and cannot buy you ordinary ice cream please run for ur dear life as dat marriage will only cause you pain than true love and happiness. My opinion though

    • I don’t believe that a guy will not spend a dime for a lady he was dating for a whole 24months. No! even if the relationship is a distance one. But if it could be true which i doubt, then the guy is not yet ready. But what am still saying is ‘most’ of ladies now a days are dependants when it comes to relationship. they were looking for helpers & not love anymore, in as much they see that being with a guy they will be financial secure, they don’t mind to be 3rd, 4th or even the last thing on the guys mind, forsaken someone who cherish & adore them, not realising that not all that glitter is gold. So disheartening

  5. A man that is stingy before marriage,when you eventually get married to me…he wil be stinger,you wil be the one to cater for the family as a single mother whereas you’re not…if he’s around,and he asked for sex what wil you do?am sure you won’t deny him…he wants to eat whr he’s not working

  6. I don’t understand you guys… Is a relationship now a means of financial freedom?… Since we now show love by the amount of cash we spend, why can’t the lady be the one to spend the cash on the man to show him she loves him. Yet you broke asses would be saying a man and a woman are equal.

    • I’m very sure you are a very stingy person , and u will want to claim head of the family Abi ? There is no love without giving , even the bible says “for God so love the world , that he GAVE his only begotten son ”
      Because God loves the world he gave , meaning you can’t claim to love someone and not give , it might not be something big or expensive but at least to show that you do care .
      Even on birthdays?

  7. My dear sister,pls remove ur shoes nd strt running 4 ur dear life.D guy does nt care abt u,he only cares abt d family.If a man does nt drop wen he has little,wen he is rich,he wil definitely nt give out.A stingy man is stingy man.wc kind mumu love is dat?for two yrs he nt given u a dime.pls.ur love shld wear 120inches glasses.na wah 4 dis story.

  8. What kind of gift are you referring to? Is it monetary gift? If a man calls you regular is dat not gift? or spent his time wit you dat u can’t repay is dat not gift? If he doesn’t care, call or spent time wit u, hmmm, ma dear, think twice before you say yes I DO.

  9. I had a similar experience. The guy was cheating on me with so many girls.
    A stingy guy is the worst person to be with after a violent one. The worst part of it. He was working and I was schooling, he would come to my place and ask for lunch and order for the best and I was the one sponsoring myself. When his salary is not paid on time he’ll borrow money from me and never paid paid back.
    The relationship lasted for 18 months and I never knew any of his friends.
    My dear run for your dear life before it is too late.
    There are reasonable guys waiting to pamper you instead of one stingy guy.
    That’s the problem we independent ladies face. The guy is either intimidated by your wealth or he’s a gold digger and very stingy.

  10. we are a helper not a supplier of wealth. whatever we put on the table is added to support u but for not giving me ordinary fanta for two years is a taboo. money is a necessity in your relationship ooo otherwise he will become nagging when you two marrys cos demand are high. If he loves u for two years and cannot buy you ordinary ice cream please run for ur dear life as dat marriage will only cause you pain than true love and happiness. My opinion though

  11. A guy who gives you his time, his @t, loves & plan to settled dwn with you, i tink money shouldn’t be d problem here, cuz he has already spent wot money itself can’t buy for you. he will surely gv if he has. All the ladies were saying run, run 4 ur dear life. My question is; run to where? do you know hw the next bus stop (guy) would be??

  12. If a guy did not buy you gifts on your dating days ,he will not give when he marries you and any day you complain is the day you must tell him who has been lecturing you mtchewwww Aka igwe who knows the babes he is picking their bills,not worthy to be married to abeg

  13. Actually as a man; we are suppose to love our partner dearly and should at time surprise them with little tips…yeah…don’t over do it else she will take you for granted, some of us men that have spend and cater for our girlfriend who we plan to marry but they are not satisfy; they run to another pasture believing its more greener but the new pasture is even dry without grass; yet they won’t be able to tell what they met out there! but no matter the situation if a man want to marry a woman he should show her that he care and ifbyou depend much on him to give you money evwrytime he might not like it, and a woman that brought issue of money in a few weeks of meeting any man won’t enjoy the relationship because the guy will use her and drop

  14. Comment:he is stingy and doesn’t love u…how can he just say Eiyaa…just like dat…u won’t enjoy ur marital relationship with him….pls look b4 u leap

  15. Fget dat shit..wen a man truly loves nd cares bou a woman…noone needs to kip reminding him wat he’s supposed to do..
    If u like go.and marry him..u wont just like yourself wen reality hits u

  16. Have you given him anything too. Women and their selfishness. Nigeria ladies are really very foolish, always expecting the men to be the only ones to give. A guy may have a very good reason not to spend much on any lady till they marry. After sponsoring a lady in the university because we agreed to marry which both families are aware of and she graduated and wedded another man without even telling me, somebody will still expect me to be spending on another one before marriage. That person must be mentally sick.

  17. Some guys are here attacking the ladies that said she should run for her life, buh lemme ask you guy, can you still be in love and dating a girl who denies you access to her body, would you still spend and showering her gifts and other things? The answer is no because you’ll be thinking she’s giving it to some other guy and taking you as mugu,abeg be sincere to yourself, you won’t and can’t , as for me, I can’t settle for anything less, a man must contribute to the wellness of his woman no matter how little

  18. Hmmmmmm this story is real, so it’s happening in places too.. I can so relate to this story.. If he is not spending on you? He is spending on someone else it’s simple ooooooo run ooo cuz if he marry you now no going back

  19. Since u said over 2 yrs, I will eliminate the excuse of him not having money cuz no matter what in those years dere are people he gave gifts or even cash. A real guy will always want to make his lady smile or happy and one way is by giving. It may not be money. But over 2yrs means possibly 2 birthdays n 1 or 2 valentines so, wen dere is not a single act of giving at all derez a problem to b sincere. U just have to check and be sure that de marriage talk is not just a setup probably because u hv started asking deep questions like y he hasn’t given u anything n he just talks marriage to calm u while he keeps having his way maybe till he meets the one he wants to marry or marry the one he has actually been giving to all this while…u never can tell.

  20. see I am d best to comment on dis,I lived with my babe for 3 years, during dat period she was in school n didn’t ve to drink garri like other students,she graduated n left, I had financial problems dat lasted for six months by then she was earning little as a teacher,her dad list his job n they used her salary in d house,I told her my condition n she said dat she needed money for d family,guys she left me n moved on forgetting all I did for her in d past

    • Those time (3years) u are living with her……are u not having sex with her?….so why should she drink garri while u are dere taking her advantage. ….and pls note … . It is not all student dat drink garri during their time of study in university. …

  21. one of d regrets I ve for bin born as a Nigerian is d fact dat everybody is into relationship do personal gains,we are with each other with expectations hoping to get something from d other person which is not a definition of real love,she left me n i thought dat since she was working she could hold on a bit while I fix my financial mess but she considered her other options n left

  22. I can totally relate. my ex never spent on me except on my convocation when he called me by past 7p.m to say he has paid some money into my account. Tell me, what will I do with that after convocation ceremony? Lo, when I checked it was 5k! My dear if he’s stingy as you’re dating, he’ll never give you anything when you’re married. And trust me, you don’t want that kind of man!

  23. God owns the whole world,and doesnt need anythin from us. Yet the bible says that God loves a cheerful giver. The things we give to God doesnt physically go to him,but its an indication that we love him. And guess what,… He who gives never lacks.. So if a man doesnt give u anythin,especially on ur birthday when its obvious that people must get gifts,then he is a moron. Leave him and scram

  24. Because you put up with his stinginess, that’s why he wants to marry you. Don’t forget not to ask for anything when you guys are married cos he will tell you that you’ve changed.
    And don’t complain that he is stingy when you’re married to him cos you dated him that way!

  25. u b goody girl naa…so he wants to continue by marrying u…u no go finish him money…i laugh…o girl if u like no run…i’v observed lately dat most guyz marry girls they can use…i av spoken

  26. There must b sumtin abt d behaviour….its either ez stingy, u showd im u dnt nid ez moni, or e wantz 2 knw if ur worth it…….jes follow ur heart…ur d 1 in d relationship…dnt mke a decision u wld regret both wayz

    • Lol u neva cn tell…i av an aunt dat dated her hubby 4 6yrs nd e was nt spendin a dime on her…..2 her she was usin im 2 pass tym buh e knew wat e was lukin 4….2day dey r married wit 3kidz nd she has evrytin she nid @ her beck nd call….wat wrkz 4 mr A may nt wrk 4 mr B….lt her jus follow her h@…she knwz d guy more dan any of us…only her cn decide…my advice dnt lose a diamond while pickin stonez….watz urz z urz ntin cn chnge dat

  27. Nowaday love has turn to game the one who you believe you love,pretending as if he love you.,…,having lot of kiss for him not even sex…to prove that…..

  28. Comment:tat’s Totally Absurb~~love Didnt Involve Cash Bt At Least He Should Buy Even A Little Gift Will Do. He’s Just A Stingy Asshole Caring 4 His Family Nt His Gf.

  29. Some women sha…so that pple wld say you are not materialistic..erase that shit talk please…If its even 20naira to buy you recharge card..Haba,even on her birthday…no gift at all..Thats too much..anyways,Have you ever given him a gift before?if you havent try it and see if he wld reciprocate.If he doesnt..please bounce that guy..Dont be saying you are not after his money rubbish…Maybe he has aplan sha…but speak with him or rather demand what you want and lets see if that works

  30. It is common this days with guys. Has a lady don,t depent on a man 4 somethings, work ur ways out, if he don,t give u anytine don,t let him have everthing that will cost u to regreat

  31. Comment:My dear l wud advice u to demand smtin from him n see his reaction, if its not a good one my dear
    l wud advice you to leave dat guy n wait
    for d right guy dat wud cherish you n show u true love .

  32. He doesn’t have to spend every time to show he loves you. But at least on special occasions he should. If you are independent and this goes on, then it may continue even after marriage. You have to find a way out, don’t just overlook it and land in a mess.

  33. Of course, love isnt about money.. But when u love ,u just can’t wait to give and keep giving. I was involved with someone like that,because I am independent and didn’t care about his money or gifts but he never gave.Then day I decided to ask him to know his reactions, its took a while before he responded.. A stingy person will always be a stingy fellow..having enough money won’t change that but will only make it pronounced.

  34. Some Guys Thinks That They Are Smart…You Admires Ladies Whose Guys Are Taking Care Of Them,yet You Have Never Contributed A Dime In The Outlook Of Ur Girl.Love Is No Longer Blind Oo.It Has Started Wearing Medicated Glassess.

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