Hi, we haven’t had a Dear Davina for a while. I truly apologise for that. I was working on a project which I would soon let you know. Today I am dealing with a case which seems quite familiar and that is that of a cheating mate. We deal a lot with these cases of people cheating in relationships. However how do you deal when the guy or girl cheats openly without caring for the feelings of the other party? What is the cheating individual trying to pass across? Well, we will see more from this case sent in my Joy.

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Dear Davina, He Is Cheating On Me Openly Without A Care

Dear Davina,

I have been reading most of your stories and I love the advice you give to people. I want to share my experience for advice and also to get things off my chest.

My last relationship lasted 7 years and the breakup was due to his constant cheating habits. Well, I cheated first with a guy from my church and when he found out he rather begged me and asked we resolved the issue. I felt so bad and promised to be a better lady.

That guy helped me become a better person. After that, he started cheating. First 2,3 times I blamed myself because I felt he still wasn’t over what I did. But it became a habit until he got someone pregnant. Though she miscarried I decided to move on amidst pleas from him and both our parents.

Then I met Sam after a year. He was a serial player. 6ft 3″. Dark and handsome. Every girl’s dream. We met at a party and we became friends. Initially, I wasn’t interested cos I felt he’d be a player but he pursued and after about 2 months I gave in.

He promised me he had matured and let go of his old ways. Following me to church and praying together. His mum and I became very close. Initially, he was just doing an attachment and wasn’t earning much so I used to support him. Every month I gave him part of my pay. To support him pay the bills and stuff.

Then he got a better paying job at a gym. He asked me to be coming in free to train. I started to but after about 3 months he asked me to stop on the grounds that I was trying to get into his business. I knew he had started seeing some of the ladies there and they were really sponsoring him so that was why.

We argued and all but I stopped going to the gym. The ladies were always giving him gifts, cooking for him and stuff. And anytime I went there he’d stay for hours on the phone talking to his girls. No matter how much I complained, he never stopped.

Dear Davina, he’d even stay late at work and never pick my calls knowing fully well I was waiting for him. On our first-year anniversary date, I went to see him and I slept over. In the morning, I picked up his phone and I realised he was actually going out with one of them. Seriously dating her. Gave her jewellery when he was always complaining of money.

I got pissed but kept quiet. Later I called him and asked him questions. He tried denying the relationships until I gave him specifics and he hung up. He didn’t call back. I knew the lady and unfortunately, I made the mistake of texting her my mind. I never insulted her but told her karma was a birch and that now she has succeeded in getting him she should be careful same doesn’t happen to her.

I regretted that though, but she knew about me and was even dating a guy in the States yet she was pushing for Sam. Sam got pissed and called me names. Can you believe he never apologised for what he did? Said that my texting the girl was it. I apologised for that but he never did.

After a while, we came back together but this guy doesn’t want to leave the girl. He still calls her in on my presence. The girl is still doing everything for him. He told me it was just a fling and that he’d stop but. He, however, doesn’t pick my calls when he is with her.

Dear Davina, when I complain he says it’s me that his family members know. And that he never brings the girl to his house, only me. But I am tired. I feel disrespected. He doesn’t make any effort to even hide his cheating. He does it in my full glare saying he doesn’t know how to lie or hide things.

Dear Davina, I am always crying. I feel I might become a very bitter woman if I stay with him so I am thinking of taking a break.

My two cents…

Hi Joy,

Thank you very much for your mail. thanks for the trust and confidence in my advice.

Hmmmmmm, there is something called “smelling the coffee” and it is very obvious that this guy has no use for you. All the signs are there, I wonder why you can’t see them and take the cue.

Obviously, this new girl is the one he cares most for and whom he sees as the real person in his life. As far as he is concerned, you are old news, a hanger-on and likely an irritation. let’s look at it together.

1. He takes the girl’s calls when you are there and makes no attempt to hide his conversation with her allowing you to hear all the things he is telling her. On the other hand, he never takes his calls when he is with her. This means that he is more mindful of her feelings than he is of yours. He most probably has made it know to her that it is over between both of you and is proving that with his actions. If he really was interested in you, he wouldn’t want to hurt you or your feelings.

2. He got upset with you for telling her off and then goes ahead to beef you on the matter. He abused you, bullied you and got you to apologise for telling a woman off as regards your man. Who does that? One of the signs of a man who takes a lady seriously is his willingness to fight for her and protect her. Here, he is fighting and protecting the other woman. This should let you know that you are really “the other woman” not her. As far as he is concerned, you are the side chick.

3. He complains he doesn’t have enough money, you supplement his income and yet he is buying this other lady jewellery and stuff which he doesn’t get for you.

My advice…

He obviously has moved on to the other lady. His body language, behaviour and stuff are enough for you to see that he doesn’t care for you.

You should care about yourself and your self-respect. Not only is the guy cheating on you, he is disrespecting and abusing you mentally. This is not what you want for yourself, your life or your future.

I would advise you dump this guy and move on. Life isn’t much more than about handsome 6ft 3″ guys. It is about a guy who loves you, respects you and is willing to stand for and by you. A guy who would hello you to grow in your life and encourage you to achieve your dreams.

Guys like these who tear you down, out you under and make you feel worthless aren’t worth it.

I hope this help

____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

5 COMMENTS

  1. 1. You first cheated. He never got over it and is doing all this to get back at you. Since you have no sense of self worth, you keep up with his behavior. Receive sense and move on!

    • Hi E Manuel, yes you were right on this. The editing was quite poor and we apologise. We have sorted it. Thanks for bringing it to our attention. You are indeed the best!!

  2. My dear just move on with ur life, life is too short to be full of regret, similar thing happened to me recently and up film now I have not been able to get over it cus it came like a shock to me. But I picked up the pieces of my life and I moved on, all am waiting now is for karma to do its work. Move on and enjoy ur life

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