I have been wanting to write this but I don’t know how soon I will get the reply.
I am a 24year old lady. I just graduated from university. Since my year one in school, I have been having guys who promised to marry me, but I didn’t pay any attention to them then because I want to finish my education first.
From my 3rd year, I started considering guys that came for a relationship, but my disappointment was that they all disappear after I refused to have sex with any of them.
In my final year(last year), my aunt introduced me to a man, the man really wants to marry me, he has been caring, supportive, never asked me for sex. He has been wanting to introduce himself to my parent, I have been the one postponing it, telling him to wait till after my final exams.
My main problem is that he is not educated. Coming from an educated family, I don’t think my dad will accept him. Though, he has proven to be more responsible than the other learned guys I dated before.
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My two cents…
thanks so much for your letter.
I have dealt with this subject in a previous Dear Davina which you can find here. Please also take out time to read the comments as they are quite educative.
This is quite a tricky issue and you should consider it carefully.
In this age and times, it is quite difficult to get by without education. The world is fast moving and even in basic business, individuals need some amount of education to be successful.
I am a bit concerned about the fact that with the myriad of opportunities available for education, this guy hasn’t seen it fit to take advantage of them. It shows me a hidden issue that could flare up in uncomfortable ways later
There are certain things I have found that create challenges in marriage. One of them is educational inequality. There is enough tension when it is the woman who isn’t as educated but it is worse when it is the guy.
like begets like. You draw your crowd from your environment and circle of influence. As such, it is more than likely that all of his friends would also be uneducated.
When your friends come along and the discussion goes around school, NYSC etc, it could be likely that he would feel left out and might think you are taunting him. There would be several areas of uncommon ground between the two of you.
I once had to deal with a couple where the man was of the opinion that the woman was being rude, stubborn and unwieldy because she was more educated than him. Meanwhile, it wasn’t so. The woman was just expressing herself and the man saw it as a threat.
It is not as if I haven’t seen one or two of this kind of relationship kind of work out, but I have seen more failures because there are already pressure points created even before the marriage has taken place.
My advice to you is to walk away from this relationship. It might look good at the beginning and the guy might profess that he doesn’t mind. However, time and marriage pressure are a revealer and you will likely get the nastiness emerging later on.
You are still young and you are fresh out of school. It is expected that almost all the guys you met at the university would only be interested in sex. They are too young to want to settle down.
Now you have finished school and would soon start work, you would find guys with a different focus and who are more long-term focused than the ones you met in school.
Don’t because of the good you have found now, mortgage your future and the best life you have ahead of you. Good things are worth waiting for and truly, you don’t need this education drama in your life. Trust me and thank me later.
I hope this help
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