Dear Davina, He is Not Educated. Can I Marry Him?

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Dear Davina, He is Not Educated. Can I Marry Him?

Dear Davina,

I have been wanting to write this but I don’t know how soon I will get the reply.

I am a 24year old lady. I just graduated from university. Since my year one in school, I have been having guys who promised to marry me, but I didn’t pay any attention to them then because I want to finish my education first.

From my 3rd year, I started considering guys that came for a relationship, but my disappointment was that they all disappear after I refused to have sex with any of them.

In my final year(last year), my aunt introduced me to a man, the man really wants to marry me, he has been caring, supportive, never asked me for sex. He has been wanting to introduce himself to my parent, I have been the one postponing it, telling him to wait till after my final exams.

My main problem is that he is not educated. Coming from an educated family, I don’t think my dad will accept him. Though, he has proven to be more responsible than the other learned guys I dated before.

Please help

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My two cents…

Dear Mary,

thanks so much for your letter.
I have dealt with this subject in a previous Dear Davina which you can find here. Please also take out time to read the comments as they are quite educative.

This is quite a tricky issue and you should consider it carefully.

In this age and times, it is quite difficult to get by without education. The world is fast moving and even in basic business, individuals need some amount of education to be successful.

I am a bit concerned about the fact that with the myriad of opportunities available for education, this guy hasn’t seen it fit to take advantage of them. It shows me a hidden issue that could flare up in uncomfortable ways later

My advice…

There are certain things I have found that create challenges in marriage. One of them is educational inequality. There is enough tension when it is the woman who isn’t as educated but it is worse when it is the guy.

like begets like. You draw your crowd from your environment and circle of influence. As such, it is more than likely that all of his friends would also be uneducated.

When your friends come along and the discussion goes around school, NYSC etc, it could be likely that he would feel left out and might think you are taunting him. There would be several areas of uncommon ground between the two of you.

I once had to deal with a couple where the man was of the opinion that the woman was being rude, stubborn and unwieldy because she was more educated than him. Meanwhile, it wasn’t so. The woman was just expressing herself and the man saw it as a threat.

It is not as if I haven’t seen one or two of this kind of relationship kind of work out, but I have seen more failures because there are already pressure points created even before the marriage has taken place.

My advice to you is to walk away from this relationship. It might look good at the beginning and the guy might profess that he doesn’t mind. However, time and marriage pressure are a revealer and you will likely get the nastiness emerging later on.

You are still young and you are fresh out of school. It is expected that almost all the guys you met at the university would only be interested in sex. They are too young to want to settle down.

Now you have finished school and would soon start work, you would find guys with a different focus and who are more long-term focused than the ones you met in school.

Don’t because of the good you have found now, mortgage your future and the best life you have ahead of you. Good things are worth waiting for and truly, you don’t need this education drama in your life. Trust me and thank me later.

I hope this help

____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

17 COMMENTS

    • In all these answers where is the place of God here? Pray and let God direct you whether educated or not is immaterial. What matters is mutual love and understanding in marriage.

  1. Education is of three types the informal, the formal nd the non formal i guess u mean he lacks formal education it doesn’t matter since he has a non formal education nd he has good qualities forget abt his education status and go for him if u love him. Education is not the only key to success, most of the educated ones we have today are just pain in the ass. Education should not be based on certificate

  2. It all depends on the person educated or not.A friend of mine married an uneducated man.A lot of our friends I inclusive married the educated ones.She’s far more better than all of us.Don’t make the biggest mistake of your life.If you love him,why not?

  3. You are very concerned about marrying an educated man so don’t marry him because he will never meet up to your expectations. Love is not enough in marriage. Education does not guarantee happiness in marriage. You better decide what you want early before you marry because it is not a game. Marry someone whom you will always be supportive of and dedicated to and who shares some of your dreams and values with you. All the best. Kisses

  4. I see this to more of a choice and of the will. Whatever the issue maybe, If you make the conscious effort that this is what you want, and you are willing to make it work it will work. Ask yourself, what do I want and let that be your guide. There many who married educated class and it works but other didn’t, and the vice versa, all I see is the willingness to make it work, to sometimes even compromise and…… Thanks

  5. It depends on what you want in life, marry base on your vision and where you are going. Just like she said there is certainly going to be challenges in the future. I will advise you be patience and wait for the real guy that fits ur plan. Education is a key and very important in every relationship and marriage.

  6. It depends on what you want in life, marry base on your vision and where you are going. Just like she said there is certainly going to be challenges in the future. I will advise you be patience and wait for the real guy that fits ur plan. Education is a key and very important in every relationship and marriage.

  7. This advice is from the pit of hell, love has nothing to do with education, if I may ask, what have separated Mr A and Mrs B in their marriage who are both educated?
    Every marriage must stand the test of time via different challenges. Go for love!!! Go for peace of mind
    There are educated guys with shit head! You will die of frustration….if you take that advice and go for an educated guy, God will grant your heart desire but don’t disregard the consequences just because he’s educated
    There are educated beast out there, NYSC topics and school times discussions are not the reason why one should not marry for the peace of his or her soul

  8. Nobody is talking about the part where she said that he had never asked her for sex.
    Dear sis, pls if you r considering him, try n make sure EVERYTHING is in order in the Oza room! Shikena.

  9. Well,it is ok u let it out. Education is good but isn’t a criteria for marriage. If i may advise,check out if this guy is passionate about you, ask yourself: does he loves God?, is he responsible? Does he value our relationship? If Yes, Accept him, you both would end up by God’s grace.

  10. I’ve been in a relationship similar to this and it’s very stressful. Formal education opens your mind to a lot. You see life from a different perspective than the uneducated. You have better understanding of dealing with issues because the school environment is crowded with people with all kinds of temperaments and behavioural problems which you dealt with and because of such experiences you see things differently. If he is open minded and ready to learn and sometimes see things from your point of view then you’re in safe hands. But if he is the type whose mind is made up and feels whatever he says is final then you’re in trouble because any attempt to give an alternate version will be viewed as rebellious and disrespectful. But it’s all up to you dear

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