We have had some interesting Dear Davina this week. We have been dealing with the issue of insincerity in relationships and the effects that can have on the future of the relationship. You can read a past Dear Davina related to this as well as some of the My Divorce Story where we see this amplified in marriage. I believe that the ultimate aim of most relationships is to end in marriage. It is as such important that the relationship starts well. Where we see a relationship that started on the wrong foot with lies and deceit, it is most unlikely that the relationship dynamics would change.

Today, we deal with another of this with an angle where the lady is confused as to the right decision to take because he is the first guy she ever slept with. As I have before mentioned, This an introduce lots of complications in relationships. Please read, make your comments, contributions and don’t forget to read other beautiful articles we have for you in Davina Diaries.

Dear Davina: He Keeps Lying To Me

Dear Davina, I’m a girl of 22 years and in my first year in the tertiary institution. I met my first boyfriend when I was 20, and lost my self to him because of love. He suited my preference in a man and so I didn’t hesitate to give him my heart and soul and body.

After a year in the relationship, I started hearing rumors of him being a womaniser. I asked him several times but he never admitted. Sometimes I’ve had dreams of him in that act but he still denied. I believed him because he always treated me like a queen with so much love and respect. He even introduced me to his parents as his future wife. The whole family accepted me and they all loved me as one of them.

Dear Davina, It’s been two years now, and still, the rumours are coming to me. Finally, I asked his own kid sister who confirmed everything to be true. Due to this, we had a fight and I broke up with him. We have started communicating after months of break up. everything shows that he wants to come back.

Honestly, I still love him, but I don’t know if getting back with him is a good idea. secondly, he also lied to me about his educational background and hid some true characters of him from me, just to get me to love. when I found out he apologized and told me he did that cos he loved me but knew I wouldn’t accept him cos of my preference so he had to lie, but had the intention of telling me the truth one day.

He is not working, still searching for a job, he is still staying in his family house. Other suitors have come but he is the only one on my mind morning and evening. I’m confused on what to do. Please help me. Thanks so much, Dear Davina.

My two cents…

Hi,

Thanks for the mail.
You are facing the perils of this kind of relationship. Call me a prude but I truly have issues with sex before marriage as it creates a lot of confusion and complications such as you have here.

I am pretty sure in your heart of heart you know what advice is good for you. However, because he is your first both relationship wise and sexually, you are conflicted.

The truth is that your guy has already shown a pattern of life that would be consistent throughout your relationship period with him. I mean if he has been consistent for the past two years of your relationship with him, I don’t see him changing. He cheated on you and lied to you. The fact that he said that he lied to you just to get you is even worse. It shows a man who doesn’t have established barriers. He believes in bending the rules to suit his needs.

You should realise that if you continue with him, this pattern of behaviour would continue. You would need to decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life and if this is the man you want to finally hitch your life to, get married and settle down with. My thoughts would be that it isn’t what you want.

My advice…

Girl, the drama isn’t worth it. I would advise that you should just consider all that has happened so far as a lesson in life and move on. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with the future trust issues that would arise.

Kindly call the guy and tell him you are moving on. Ask him to clean up his act and maybe remain friends from a very far distance. he isn’t worth the distraction.

I hope this help

____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

5 COMMENTS

  1. My first time of posting a comment and I pray it would be worth it.Davida just took the words out of my mouth.Talking from experience it’s not worth the distraction.Leave now before it is too late. I pray for wisdom and strength for you to do this because I know how difficult it is.

  2. Dear Davina,am a girl and 19 years of age,I fell in love with this guy who respect and understands me.we started our relationship through friendship and gradually develops in to a love relationship. Because he is my first love ,i fall for him with ma mind ,heart and soul,we used to chat on phone when he was not away,now dat he is out of my location,we use to chat .as time goes on,he hardly call me,unless i call him before he talk to me,he only speak to me when i text him. For his side he never try dat again, but when i call him i still get that cool atmosphere he has been giving me, i thought he was having a new girl that’s why he doesn’t call me ,i try to move on ,but is not working, is like he has taken every part of me, i still wants to keep him ,what should i do.pls do u think that is the best thing for a girl at my age,

  3. Some of you folks get into relationships when you should be facing your studies so that you come top in school. Interestingly, for the average person your future partner is not yet on the horizon. Believe me, no relationship is worth distracting you when you are in your late teens and early twenties. Face your future. Leave guys that are out to exploit you. When you become successful, God will bring a responsible guy or lady your way.
    Say no to premarital sex. Concentrate on your vocation or your studies.

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