Dear Davina,

I and my husband have been married for 12 years. In this period we have had 3 kids all girls.

He has been pressuring me over having a boy and just recently threatened to divorce me if I don’t give him a male child.

He is the only male child of his parents. His father was the only male child as well and he says his father’s lineage would disappear if he doesn’t have a male child.

Otherwise, he is nice and loving but this matter of a male child is a big issue. I can’t manufacture a male child. Please help me.

Ruth

Lagos.

 

My 2-Cents:

 

Hi Ruth,

Thanks for your mail.

At first glance, one is tempted to dismiss your husband’s desire for male children.

We are in a modern era where the sex of a child doesn’t matter. Women can equally be as successful as men. In several cases, women have even been more successful than the males in their families. Interestingly, the male is the one that biologically determines, a child’s sex not the female.

However, in an African patrilineal society such as ours, we need to also look at the legitimacy of your husband’s demands and if he has any claims. Truly his lineage, clan or whatever it is that he holds very dear could disappear since lineage in our society is passed through male heirs, not female heirs.

Having said that, we are in modern times and there are ways of achieving what your husband requires.

  1. Adoption:- you guys could consider adopting a male baby and raising him as yours.
  2. IVF with sex selection. It is possible these days to select the sex of a child through IVF. There are two obstacles though. 1. the consideration of the morality of choosing one sex over the other, and 2. The cost of the IVF procedure. I would have added a third being the success rate but since you already have 3 kids, the success rate would be quite high.
  3. Surrogacy. Someone else who would get pregnant for your husband and have the child. In this case, your husband donates the sperm. However since your husband’s success rate with boys is 3:0, there mightn’t be much of an option here.

I advise you discuss these options with your husband carefully and with an open mind and decide which ones you choose.

much love, Davina ________________________________________________________________________________

TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you

xoxoxoxoxo

Davina

 

1 COMMENT

  1. So what do you plan to do? Manufacture a male child? Unfortunately this is an issue that had been with us in this part of the World for far too long. Your husband should know that it is biologically impossible for you to determine the sex of your child. It is the man that produces the Y chromosomes against your X to produce a boy. If you have only girls it is not your fault and you should not blame yourself or allow anyone else to blame you either. Try to make your husband see reason or get someone he respects to speak with him. Good luck!

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