Hi readers, I have an interesting letter I would like to look at today. It revolves around the issue of getting pregnant for someone before marriage. I hear of guys who compel their girlfriends to get pregnant on the grounds of testing the girl to ensure she isn’t barren before marrying her. Women are now jumping on the bandwagon and getting men to get them pregnant before marriage for the same reasons also.

Well, I am not dealing with this aspect in this article. I would likely deal with that later in the week. What are your thoughts though on this? Please join the discussion. Let me have your comments and thoughts.

Today I have a letter from a reader in which the boyfriend supposedly wants to use pregnancy to tie her down. He isn’t willing to marry her at the moment but wants her to get pregnant now so that he can tie her down for whenever he is ready for her. Well let’s read more.

We have several relationship tips in our Dear Davina series of letters. You can read previous ones and get some tips. We also have several other useful relationship tips you can pick from the Divorce stories we publish weekly. Sometimes, knowing what to watch out for, helps you make better choices.

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Dear Davina,

I am in a relationship with a guy that loves me so much and I love him too. We have been dating since we were in the university. This year will make it 8 years of being with him.

Though his business has been on the tough side, recently he keeps telling me to get pregnant for him…then we will be staying together. I told him that I cannot do that, he should come and see my parents and do the needful no matter how little. I suggested we can have a small wedding instead.

He told me that he is planning to travel out of the country..so I should get pregnant for him before he leaves… I refused because I do not want to be a disgrace to my family by getting pregnant out of wedlock.

He said he does not want to lose me to another man. Why I love him so much is that he is very industrious, I have never had any reason to feel insecure cos I have never found him cheating…

At this point, I do not know what to do. If I should just get pregnant for him… Then do a little family introduction before he leaves… Because he promised that he will stay for just a year then return to Nigeria.

Thanks a lot.

My two cents…

Hi Mabel,

Thank you very much for your mail. thanks for the trust and confidence in my advice.

I used to think this was pretty much a thing with men from the eastern part of Nigeria. They would insist on the lady getting pregnant before marriage under the guise of avoiding marriage to a barren woman.

I find however that it seems that it is becoming more widespread. Women are insisting that the man must sleep with them before marriage so as to avoid an impotent man and vice versa. What are my thoughts on this practice? hmmmm we would get there, maybe in another Dear Davina.

Back to your matter…

First of all, you seem to suggest that the reason the marriage hasn’t taken place is on economic and financial grounds. This I gather from your description of his business as being on the tough side, and then, your suggestions of a small sized wedding.

Eight years is pretty much a long time to invest in a relationship. By now, you should both know what you want and if you truly believe he is worth waiting for.

I would strongly advise you not to get pregnant for him even if he has done an introduction. If he truly wants you and doesn’t want you moving on to another man, he should do the needful and marry you properly.

Eight years is enough time for him to know if you are what he really wants.

For some reasons, I see this as one of those get-pregnant-before-I-marry-you schemes. Maybe he is wondering how come in the eight years you haven’t had a baby.

I am a bit concerned about this whole affair. Why is he reluctant to come to do the needful as you term it?

My advice…

At this point, I think you should take a step backwards and insist on somethings. He says he wants to travel out of Nigeria and be back in one year. What exactly is he going to do outside in such a short time that would change his financial status so drastically? What is the assurance that he would be back in that period? what is the assurance that he would still want you when he gets back?

Why I agree with love, I also think that love should have brains and sense. If his concern is another man, reassure him that you would wait for him to go and come back. After all, it is just for a year. Let him understand that having stayed 8years with him, an extra year wouldn’t make that much of a difference to you.

If he truly wants you to commit, he should also show the same commitment and faith by marrying you properly. It shouldn’t just be a one-way street where he wants you to take a faith leap without commiserate action from him. I think he is just being selfish.

While a baby is a precious thing, there are certain implications around having a baby. You must understand that once you take the action to be pregnant, you become the vulnerable party. He can change his mind and walk away with absolutely no consequence, leaving you as a government statistics. Don’t allow your life and that of your unborn child go that way.

I hope this help

____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

15 COMMENTS

  1. “If you are dating a guy and he can’t tell you what he wants from you after 6 months of dating, quit the relationship”. One of my friends gave his only sister this advice years ago.

  2. Eight years yet all he want from you is a baby bcos he doesn’t want 2 loss you? My dear, you should hv stamp ur feet 2 d ground n demand a direction 4 d relationship long b4 now….I won’t b surprise if dis demand is testing d waters further 2 see hw foolisher you can be.
    Forget d fact dat u don’t hv rison 2 blv he is cheating…… all eggs look the same, its only when u break them dat u realized how baaad d rotten ones smell. My dear if he is not ready 2 mk a honest woman out of you, allow him 2 travel all he can….out of d country n out of your life too..(dat’s if you can).

  3. You didn’t need to even write this letter a baby because he doesn’t want to loose you my sister it takes less than 10,000 for a court wedding or traditional wedding
    Your family should give him a short and reasonable list get an economical ring and then you can start opening the baby factory
    Until then you should have even moved on by now

  4. LWKMD. Lady! Eight Years??!! He has resources to want travel abroad yet he can’t marry you and on top of that he wants you to get pregnant for him. Your guy is selfishness personified. Get out of that boat!

  5. Eight good years for dating? A child of eight years should be in primary 3 now if my calculation is correct. The life circle of a woman is shorter than that of a man, you better use your brain.

  6. This guy might end up staying for more than a year and you’d end up alone and frustrated, with a baby to care for on your own. Insist he marries you before he leaves or wait till he gets back. But if he decides to do the latter my dear, please move on before you become an old woman still waiting.

  7. You have wasted 8 years already, yet he still comes up with this funny condition. Most long courtships are always efforts in futility. Please walk away.

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