Hi guys, like I promised, I am definitely back. Thank you for the responses to the last post I did. Chai, there are some real tough situations that are in my inbox. It is only God that would help me answer some of this. Today I deal with a letter from Angela.
Na wa oh!! Why have you not been answering our messages? You do not realize that for some of us, it is a real life or death situation. ok, I agree that it is not life and death like that but there are interesting perspectives we get from reading your “2 cents” and so much more from the comments and free advice. Please kindly answer my own oh as I am in serious gbege.
I finished NYSC with the last batch and I have been hanging out at my sister’s house while waiting for a job. I am also helping her out with her kids. My Problem started a while back when my Brother-in-law started pestering me for sex. Initially, I thought he was joking as it was like play play. Now, it has become serious matter. If I find myself alone with him while my sister is elsewhere in the house, he would bring up the matter. He has pestered my phone to no end. I am even scared that my sister would find out.
I have taken to dodging him by staying in my room except when my sister really needs me. My sister has been complaining that I have recently become withdrawn, unfriendly and always hiding in my room but wetin I go do?
The other day, his matter ended gear 5 when he suddenly came home when my sister was away at work and insisted that I should have sex with him. What saved the matter was the sudden arrival of the maid. I don not know what I would have done that day.
I really don’t know what to do at this stage. Should I tell my sister? If I do, I am concerned about the effect on their marriage. I don’t want to bear the tag of being a marriage breaker, also, my sister might not believe me. If I stay, I am sure to get raped one day or find myself in a relationship with him. If I leave the house, my sister might suspect something, might think I am ungrateful or something else. It is also not as if I have so many options as regards where I can stay. I can’t tell my parents; my parents respect him so much that I can’t even speak about it to any of them. Any which way I turn, it is pure
Any which way I turn, it is pure gobe. What do I do, I am truly going out of my mind; I need help.
My 2 Cents…
Biko, what is it with all these men who don’t have enough self-control to keep themselves in check. Ah, ah! It is bad enough that the man wants to cheat on his wife, must he do it with her sister? It is a really tough world out there with all this wickedness.
Sister, before I go into advice mode, I need to let you know what you are up against.
- The guy wouldn’t stop until he gets what he wants. As it is, he would think nothing of raping you. From your letter, he has already made moves in that direction. It is just a small matter of time before he finally consummates it. On that day, there would be no sudden appearance of the maid to save you.
- Nothing good can come out of this. You can’t sleep with your sister’s husband and expect everything would go well. Think of what could happen if she finds out, you think she would blame her husband? Think of the consequences on your family, the relationship between both of you and other family members. No one would take your side especially since you saw it coming. I am pretty sure no one would buy your rape story after it happens.
- You are absolutely right, telling your sister about it right now might not work. For all, you know the husband might have been laying the ground for his defence by telling your sister things about you. Remember he has his wife’s ears. The risks of finding out if she wouldn’t believe you outweigh the risks of finding out if she would. Running to family as you have said looks also like a no no.
Aunty, find two extra legs, add to the two you have already and run as fast as you can from that place, it is definitely not healthy for you. Find an excuse, say you forgot something at your father’s place, say one of your school friends has a business idea for you, plan with one of your old school mates – just say anything. There are several excuses you can come up with – create them. Trust me being called a lazy girl or names and having your whole family quarrel with you is much better for you than the fate that awaits you if you stay longer in that house. He might never get over you but trust me, the more the distance between both of you, the safer it is for you.
There is no escaping the inevitability that would come if you remain. As per your brother in-law, don’t worry: every day is for the thief but one day is for…. Nemesis would soon catch up with him. The trouble that is waiting for him is still doing press up in heaven. It is better the source of the trouble comes from outside and not from your end.
The Bible says he that has an ear let him hear oh!!
TO ALL DD READERS….
You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you…