Dear Davina,

Thank you very much for your column, it has really helped in several areas.
It all started when my dad passed on. My uncle took up the responsibility of training me in the secondary school and also in the university. He dis-virgined me when I was 18years and he told me that he did it to protect me. we have been dating ever since.

I’m 25years of age and already working, ready to settle down. I want to put an end to the relationship cos I want a normal life and I want freedom but he has threatened to commit suicide if I do. The first time I called it off, he actually cut himself all over with blades and was rushed to the hospital

I don’t know what to do, he is my dad’s only surviving brother. please help, I don’t know what do. kindly advise.



My 2-Cents:


Hi Naima,

thanks for your mail and nice comments.

At first glance, one could be tempted to dismiss your matter and condemn you and your uncle but I would be as professional as I can with this. I believe that your asking for help is an indication that you really need it.

My advice

  1. In certain parts of the world, for example, Pakistan, marriage to your uncle or cousin would be allowed but in the Nigerian society, it is considered a taboo to be sexually involved with your uncle. Unless your part of the country allows it. In fact, incest is a crime punishable by law in Nigeria.
  2. you need to understand that there can be no future with your uncle. No matter how much you both try unless you plan to elope and live a life of lies elsewhere. However think carefully about that.
  3. Having said that, I believe your uncle took advantage of your dependency on him when he became sexually involved with you. He shouldn’t have done that. You weren’t in the position to make the right choices and he knew that. He s also doing the same thing now by using blackmail to bend you to his desires. He has been and still is selfish.
  4. I would advise you forget about the past. Forgive him and move on. It is time to find your path and leave all the past behind. If he chooses to kill himself, allow him to. Then he can go answer to his god. Don’t allow such dramatics keep you in bondage. Your uncle is a sick man who needs help.
  5. Bottom line, please pursue your life and move on. However, expect threats and blackmails from him. People like this don’t just walkway and forget. He would find further ways to blackmail you. If possible move away from where you are and start a new life elsewhere far away from him.

Much Love, Davina



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  1. Hmmmh…This one is toughooo….i think you should suggest seeing a psycholgist together….You didnt talk much about your mum,is she dead?Naima,your life is more important and you are still a very young lady with prospects.please run far from that guy.his a devil.if he wants to kill himself,he can.
    it must have been awful going through such experience.Take care of yourself.

  2. At your age you should know what is right and wrong ,what you are doing is very bad even in the eyes of God ,your Uncle is like your father to you and as such you don’t need to have any sexual feeling or have to do anything with him ,tell your Uncle that you will tell your kinsman if he did not want to leave you to get married ,He is a very wicked man to have a sexual feeling and doing it with his brother daughter ,so forget about him and get married if he want to die let him die and leave a peaceful life

  3. what you are committing is insence which is wrong before God and man.. you need to run very far from him.. he can kill himself if he wants and u also need to see a councillor and maybe a pastor..

  4. Firstly I must say this, your uncle took advantage of your innocence and now he is so obsessed that he wants to control you still,which is wrong. He need help and you need to leave to possibly another state and change your cell number so he doesn’t contact you. You are young, forget about your uncle and his threats/blackmails cos he has serious mental issues, leave him be to whatever he wants to do to himself. Enjoy your life cos you deserve it.

  5. It’s rather a tough place to be, and in a bid not to be judgemental, I think you should move out get a place with friends or another member of family. Stick to your guns and do not allow emotional blackmail keep you in a taboo.


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