Dear Readers Welcome to the last day of the month and also the first day of a new week; of course, a perfect day for a Dear Davina. Thank you for following this column, thanks for your comments and engagement. You truly make a difference. Today, I am dealing with two letters simultaneously as they are on the same subject matter

 

Dear Davina
I am a 25-year-old graduate. I have a colleague(a girl) who introduced me to her friend (a guy) shortly after she travelled so he started taking me out on dates and normal chills, now we’ve become best of friends. Although this guy is divorced and he has two kids, each passing day my feelings for him grows more but I don’t know what to do since he hasn’t approached me. Pls help me

Dear Davina,
I met a guy last year and we decided to be friends with benefit. However, he treats me more than a friend and every time I’m with him all his attention is towards me and he tries his best to make me comfortable. Suddenly he said he has a girlfriend and said he loves her and won’t cheat on her. Recently he asked me to sleep over with no sex and the next day he didn’t go to work until 11 am. Everyone that called him he told them I’m busy and I will be at the office by 11;30. I can see he cares about me but He refuses to confess it. I don’t want to let him go because I love him so much thanks a lot

My Two cents…

Situations like this occur a lot when the terms of a relationship are not properly defined or when after been defined as in letter 2, one of the parties decides to change the terms of the relationship.

At the same time, because a relationship is an investment of time, resources and efforts, it is always advisable to ensure that you are not making assumptions lest you find that you just wasted your time and are left with nothing to fall back on after all the investment. You must understand that as long as you are vested in a relationship as both of you are now, you close the door to another relationship. As such, if the guy never commits, you would find yourself with nothing at the end of the day.

My advice

1. for letter one, Sit the guy down and ask him to define the relationship. Explain that you are getting signals from him that seem to suggest he wants more from the relationship. Where he insists that there is nothing, then it is best to evaluate if you want to continue your investment of time and effort in the hope that he would change his mind.

Having said that, you might need to ask yourself serious questions regarding why he got divorced in the first place. There is also the matter of the kids especially if they live with him. Realize the responsibilities you would be stepping into from day one. Are you prepared for the drama that would come?

It is also possible that the guy could be dealing with the issues from his previous marriage and might just be taking his time to ensure he gets it right this time. He might also because of his previous divorce, think that you might not agree to his advances. That is why taking it out would help both of you and free you from assumptions.

2. For letter two, why are you hanging around someone who has clearly told you he has someone else? Please walk away and free yourself and get your own man. The man says he has a girl whom he doesn’t want to cheat on yet he invites you to stay over in his house. Sister, get some dignity for yourself and walk away. All this drama ain’t worth it.

much love,
Davina
____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

4 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Davina am in a relationship and we love each other so much, his family members especially his parents like me and treat me like theirs but we got to know we are.of the same genotype AS please advice me I don’t know what to do.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.