Dear Davina,

I need your help. I met a nice guy and we started dating almost immediately. I love him dearly and he loves me too. He says he wants to get married cos he’s not longer a child.  My problem with him is that he smokes cigarettes. I hate it. He said he can quit but my elder sister says he can’t and even if he does, he will eventually go back to it.

I have just broken up with him because of that. I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone that smokes. No.

Dear Davina, do you think I made a mistake breaking up with him? Please help me I’m not feeling good at all.

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My 2-Cents:

No, I do not think you made a mistake. Different people have different things that are deal breakers for them when in a relationship. For you, the smoking business is a deal breaker; for some other person, might be something else. Everyone is entitled to their personal moral standards.

You love him now and all but trust me, when you get married, the love will not be enough to sustain your marriage. It’s then you’ll find out that these little details (the deal breakers) make a world of difference.

Read also: I’ve put up with his infidelity for 2 years, I am tired!

Do not lower your moral uprightness in the name of love. If you can deal with it, by all means but if you cannot stand the smoke, don’t touch it. Tobacco addiction is one of the hardest to break so I can understand your elder sister’s skepticism.

All the best dear

Davina
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Read also: So you want to marry? Part 6 – A Pratical Guide for the Lady seeking a Husband

TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you…

xoxoxoxoxo

106 COMMENTS

  1. Comment: who’s talking of change pls, my dear you can’t change a man to your taste because you love him o rather a man changes his habit because he loves you. smoking is not something a woman can easily talk a man out of. am a living
    witness o

  2. So just because he smokes that is just your reason to leave him.You did not tell us what the smoke does to him does it make him beat you or does it make him go naked on the street or does it make him stop loving you or make him leave his responsibility for you to carry my dear you have a lot of explanations to make or just tell us you don’t love him anymore.Not just because he smokes. QED.

  3. Please no one has the right to change anybody, only God do the changing. The worst mistake any lady or even man will do is, let me be with this person, I will change him/her, is a big lie. If the person want to change he has to take decision on his own. And if he did not stop smoking now, if u mistakenly end up with him, he will never stop it. For those that telling u if u love him enough or u will change him, u love the wrong person and not all the people u love are meant to be in our lives. The best thing to do for him cos of love is to advice him, as he refused, ending the relationship is the best.

  4. My dear you can’t change any body in this world change is a personal decision. Leaving a man because he smokes cigarette is not a nice thing to do, my babe smokes cigarette and he is so loving and over caring I have friends that their husbands do smoke too and they are also caring and loving. Leaving your man because he smokes my dear think twice am sure apart from him smoking he treat’s you nice, there are people here that might be going through more difficult situations and they are still with man their man they didn’t work away, but some of them here are compelling you to leave the guy. What if he hide the cigarette smoking from you till after your wedding night what would you have done? Or are you saying that if your have brother that smokes no woman should come close to him. My dear think twice before leaving your place for someone else, am sure another woman will be rubbing his head with the cigarette in his Palm. I is Nkechi signing out

  5. The question is did you know he was a smoker before dating the guy, if yes, then you should blame yourself for feeling that you can change him, you hate smokers yet you went ahead to date one and you come out here to ask jamb questions

  6. Hmmm this world. Even ppl DT are battling in a relationship with a notorious womanizer and all sort of criminal s are advising someone to quite a relationship because d person smokes….
    I’m still reading ur comments

  7. What happens if her next Guy turn out to be a cheat or a beater? Would she be advised to drop him as well? No perfect boo any where, you only refine the one you have to get what you desire. Patience, perseverance and prayer are the watch word. Remember the story and process that made GOLD become Priceless Jewel today….Out of Worthlessness it become Worthwhile. No body so created is greater than CHANGE. If she continue listening to her sister in a place where she should allowed her her love for the guy and the Guy’s love for her to be thrown to the winds then am afraid she might remain single for a long while. Again which is better, a cheat, a beater, a drunk or a smoker……….. the answer is obvious.

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