Hello everyone, Is anyone wondering like me what is going on? Rain, rain everywhere in October? We are truly in the era of climate change.
What happens when you have messed up in a relationship? You know you have done wrong and the other party is seriously upset with you. You have tried to makeup but he/she isn’t budging. That is the crux of Ama’s letter today. Please take out time to read the letter and my response to her. I look forward to your comments especially if you have been in a similar situation in your relationship.
Dear Davina, I Messed Up And He Is Angry, What Do I Do?
Please, I am having this issue that I would like you and your honourable audience to advise me on as regards a current matter in my relationship.
I am a lady and I have been in a relationship with this gentleman for 2 years plus now. We were even planning to get married hopefully next year. He has come to see my parents and he made his intentions known to them
The mess up
Something happened recently. I snooped on his chats and I saw his chats with one of his lady friends. Without thinking twice, I took her number and sent her numerous texts. We later exchanged chats but I don’t believe I insulted her.
I didn’t realise that after our conversation, she sent all the screenshots of our conversation to my man. My man sounding very pissed. He said a lot of things and then he concluded that the relationship was is over. He really said a lot of mean stuff to me that I cannot repeat here.
I waited after some time and I texted to apologize for invading his privacy. I then went as far apologizing to the girl through text and calls which also she informed him.
It was after everything that I got to realise that the girl was really just a friend of his. There was no funny relationship between them. My man had already told me everything about her. The problem was that he had saved her name with her Christian name and not her native name.
I waited for two days to pass and then I tried having another conversation with my man. This time, I tried to apologize again. It seemed however that the more I spoke about it the more he became angry and aggressive. The hurtful thing is that he kept on saying IT IS OVER. He further added that I should just forget about the relationship. As far as he is concerned, we cannot go far because of what I did.
I have been shattered since then and I don’t know what to do.
Please, I need you and your audience to advise me on this relationship issue.
Dear May, thanks for your letter.
Personally, I believe that phones are private property. They should be off-limits to anyone else, even if you are married. Don’t go snooping through someone’s phone. When you do, you are bound to see what you don’t like.
First of all, you do have relationship trust issues. You also appear to be a hot-headed and spontaneous person. I say this because of your reactions. If you had problems with the exchanges, you should have contacted your bf and asked him the right questions. It was totally out of place to call the lady in question.
Truly, if it was your bf asking me these questions, I would ask him to stay away from you. Your actions depict something that could escalate to deeper problems in marriage. I am pretty sure his reactions aren’t just connected to this random case. It is more than likely that you have displayed similarly in the past.
First of all, you would need to deal with your relationship trust issues. The problem is with you, and not with the guy. Why I say so is because of your reaction. If you had picked a quarrel with him, I would have said that it is because of his previous actions. In this case, however, you jumped into a fight with a woman you later found out was totally innocent. In fact, from your later response, you did admit that you overreacted.
If you don’t deal with this, you would find yourself fighting neighbours, Your children’s teachers, your hubby’s workmates etc. You really need and deal with yourself as this isn’t a good thing. I would advise you to get a therapist and attend anger management classes.
As per your guy, try and appeal to him one more time. Go find someone close to him, who is sympathetic to you to help beg him. Let him understand that you were pushed by love. Show him the efforts you are putting in to change. Ask for his support to enable you to become a better person.
The key here is you. It might work this time but if you don’t change, this would be a reoccurring matter.
TO ALL DD READERS….
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only. You have complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
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