Hello Dear Dear Davina fans, please accept my apologies for the episode I missed out. This has been one hugely busy week. So much was happening and so much needed to be done. we are actually working on several things on the Davina Diaries to make your readership more fun.

We hear so much from the women on Dear Davina that people have tended to ask me if Dear Davina is a female only platform and I keep on saying that we are not. Davina Diaries seems female-biased in that it looks as if a majority of our articles are female-targeted but that isn’t so. We are actually family biased. Anyways, I have done a couple of male stories and I have one more sad one from Femi. This one was particularly sad that I thought to share with you guys. so here goes

Dear Davina, I need more reasons to why my 3yrs relationship ended so badly

Dear Davina, We lived together in the same hostel for a good three years. Our happy ways kept us tight and wanting more of each other every day. It was both our first time in a relationship, Maybe that’s why we never got tired of seeing each other every day.

Almost everyone in school knew us both as a couple because we were always together. Some even called us twins; That made her so very afraid of losing me. She wept sometimes and when I asked why, she kept saying I must marry her eventually as she can’t let another man replace me, That if I ever left her, she preferred to stay single for the rest of her time on earth.

Her saying shook me always as I never doubted her love & sacrifice leaving me all alone today. To tell how intimate we were. My friends & even landlord used to say I should never leave her as she’s a true lover But everything started going wrong last year October.

We were on holidays so we both left campus & agreed to spend time with our family at home. Her parents knew me right from the beginning as her date, But my parents are the strict type. They never heard about my relationship with her. Only my brothers & sisters at home. We planned to talk about us with them after school, But faith decided otherwise.

While at home last October, She called & joked about a man who came that day to propose her in front of her family
I felt nothing as I know she wouldn’t betray me. We said nothing about it until we resumed back to campus.

On arrival, she hugged me so tight & immediately showed me all the presents that the man brought for her. I told her to keep it and I said I trusted her. We had sex and other domestic chores that kept us occupied.

It was November and after our first, second sex during resumption that she started feeling awkward in bed, saying she’s weak or that her lower abdomen was hurting when having sex so I gave her time.

November ending, her period came in. She usually suffers from cramps since I knew her and Sometimes she would cry.
But this time, it was terrible as she cried so much that I had to let her go back home. After few days at home, she came back with traditional medicine saying that it was the first time in life to feel no pain since she started having her period and I was so happy.

From then, however, she stopped initiating sex. If I tried to romance her, she would push me away saying she needed time for her body, that sex was the last thing on her menu. I became quite afraid but she said that nothing was wrong with her, I just needed to understand. November and December passed on and she remained the same

In January, she started picking calls outside. Things she never did before. When I spoke to her about it and wanted to check her phone, she cried and hated me for not trusting her. January – February, she started travelling home and coming back at least twice a week. Whenever she came back, she cried about her family situation and how they were doing badly financially. It touched me and I tried consoling her as much as she allowed me to.

March ending, we finished our final exams and she decided that she needed to stay close to her family. We both wept as our conclusion was to pack completely and wait no longer because of her present situation at home. I asked if there was anything she hasn’t told me but She swore that there was nothing she was hiding away from me.

We parted ways on March 22nd and from that very day, she cut off all contacts with me. Even her parents lined have been unreachable till date. she also Blocked me on facebook. I was totally dead inside, not knowing what had happened and why as she left me no reasons for her action.

My worst moment came in last Sunday after a friend showed me her wedding party with that same man that had proposed to her last October. In total confusion and tears rolling down, I said to my self, that this wasn’t her. I also wondered if it could be an arranged marriage that she never wanted to talk to me about But she was smiling deeply in all the pictures she appeared in during the party.

I did a little research on Facebook and saw that she had opened a new account. On viewing it, I saw that she had already gotten engaged that very day the man came (October Last Year); They were just waiting for her to finish school “But why this!!”
I messaged her and the next day, she blocked me again from that new account.

Till date, everything still seems like a dream. No contacts and also I can’t tell anyone about this as they won’t believe
PLEASE!! Dear Davina, What’s your point of view on this? Is it spiritual? Was she jazzed? I feel like I was used!

My thoughts…
I do feel your pain, my brother. Anyone reading this would be able to feel your pain and what you must have gone through. There aren’t enough words to say but I would just advice that you walk away and live your life. It isn’t worth it to reminisce and waste your time and tears on this one girl. Rather, pick yourself up, rebuild your life and move one.

Strange as it seems, your girlfriend did love you in her own way. She took pains not to hurt you and lived a life of deceit as long as she could. Seeing you were both in your final years, she likely didn’t want anything to distract you from your studies and kept the other side of her life away from you as much as she could. That I think you should be thankful for. At least you didn’t need to deal with all this drama while also facing crucial final year exams.

Why did it turn away like this? I doubt if it was anything spiritual. You must understand that the way a woman loves isn’t always the way a man does. Women value security and when they have to choose between two men of similar qualities, the one offering the most security wins. It is quite obvious that the gut she eventually married is better off financially than you are in your current state and that might have been a major swing decision for her.

With the state of her parent’s finances, it could also have been some pressure on her parent’s side that swayed her.

Having said, you didn’t offer much in the way of assurance and confidence to her. I mean she dated you for 3 years and you were never bold enough to take her to your parents even though her parents knew you. I don’t have her side of the story but I am pretty sure that it could have presented a sore point for her. It tells a lot about a man who lacks the confidence to take a woman he wants to marry home in 3 years of dating. If your parents were that strict, then you should have been strict as well not to get into a relationship.

If you couldn’t stand up to your parents in 3 years of the relationship even just to introduce her, my question would be how would your marriage have been? So it is quite easy to dismiss the girl as having being material, deceitful and opportunistic but the question would be if you gave her enough reasons to be confident about the future.

It was obvious that she was in a hurry to marry and you were far away from that destination and when someone with the right offer came, she jumped. I would ask that you see it from that angle as well so that you can see your own side in this equation. The sad part is that the next woman in your life would suffer the effect of this affair. Try not to carry the sins of one into another if not, you will live a frustrated life. everybody is different, and should be given their own opportunities and should be judged on their own merits.

My advice to you would be to forget the whole affair and move on. also, try to be a man and don’t keep a woman hanging.I really don’t encourage school relationships. I think it is distracting and restrains both parties from making the idle choice. You have a long way ahead of you. Concentrate on building yourself and your career. take some time off relationships and focus on yourself. If anything, you should be relieved that she has moved on because you would have been under pressure to take on a wife when you were not ready. Every cloud has a silver lining. We just need to look for it.

much love,
Davina
____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

3 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks Davina for your advice to this young man. The other man is also comfortable and already working, that in my opinion swung the pendulum of choice his way. My son had a similar experience. He proposed and she accepted yet a few months later was married to another! Life happens, he should just move on

  2. Dear Davina, thanks for advise to the young man……. Most often, school relationships doesn’t leads anywhere…..

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