Hey guys, another new week and another Dear Davina. We did have a full week last week. Thanks for your participation. We had so many comments and likes. I was touched by the several letters reaching out to Kachi whose story we published on the 28th. Please keep it up. We have 3 interesting Dear Davina this week.

We would be dealing with a diverse range of Dear Davina letters this week, starting with Obot’s letter;

Dear Davina: I prefer dating married men to single guys

Dear Davina,

Thank you for your words of encouragement and support.

My name is Obot and I am 30 years of age and a banker. I got disvirgined at 18 years and was committed and faithful to my boyfriend for 7 years. Six years ago, he impregnated someone and the family of lady forced him to marry the girl. I was so bittered and pained because I gave him my soul, body and heart.

During the time we dated, I met good guys but I loved him so much that I couldn’t cheat on him.

I was in a state of brokenness, hurt and pain when I met this married guy, we have been dating for 5 years. He takes care of me very well and I love him. My family wants me to settle down but I hate single guys with a passion. I feel all men are cheats and liars. Though I am looking forward to having a family, I hate single guys.

Kindly advise

My Two cents…

Hi Obot,
thanks for writing me. I do feel your pain. It isn’t easy committing yourself to someone for 7 years only to be dumped the way he did you. First of all, please stop making excuses for him. He wasn’t forced by any family. Why was he sleeping with someone else when he was in a relationship with you? Secondly, unless the girl is underage and unless in situations of rape, there is no way a family could have forced him. He wanted to leave you and this was the excuse he came up with. You need to thank God that he left you as he isn’t a good man.

Since the issue is already past, I wouldn’t want to admonish you on the issue of having sexual relationships so young or committing yourself that young. I am pretty sure you have already learnt that. I am only mentioning it here for someone in the same situation or thinking of such to learn.

Having said that sister, two wrongs can’t make a right. Don’t jump from one mistake to another. On the one hand, imagine the pain you went through when this guy abandoned you. That is the pain awaiting the wife and family of this married man you are in a relationship with. Also, this man would eventually dump you opening up all the pain afresh.

That guy and all married men were once single before they got married. No married man was born married. If you can trust and love this guy, it means that there are still lots of good single men.

My advice

1. Get out of this relationship fast as it would lead you nowhere. You are making the same mistake all over again. You have invested 5 years into a relationship which you knew was going nowhere from day one.

2. I know that your sticking to this relationship is as a defence mechanism arising from the trauma of the hurt emanating from your previous relationship. However, know that you can never heal if you keep hiding.

3. By staying in this relationship, you close your self from allowing the good single guy from discovering you and vice versa. There are many good men. You only have to allow them.

4. Read several editions of our Dear Davina, Also go through our several articles on relationships. You can tell a good man and signs of a good strong relationship. Trust God and have faith. Learn to love once again.

5. You have gone through pain and severe heartbreak. It is tough but learn to forgive and move on. I know that you are still hurt and angry that is why you hate single guys. To you, they represent the guy who hurt you. Read our survivor stories. They are of people who were hurt by other people and learnt how to come out of the adversity via forgiveness.

It is a journey but the sooner you start, the nearer you are to the destination. I am here for you as well. You can always write me as you have done and I will guide you as much as I can.

much love,
Davina
____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

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