Dear Davina,

I’m 36 years old and I have dated this guy for a long time. My problem is that he’s not educated. He also doesn’t attend church but claims to have a relationship with God. I’m the opposite though, I have a relationship with God and I’m educated.

Read Also: I’m 8 months older & bigger than my boyfriend, Is it a problem

 Unfortunately, it looks as though it’s only married men who find interest in me and even want to marry me at all cost. I really don’t want to get married to the uneducated man because we really don’t flow. Neither do I want to marry someone else’s hubby.

Read also: I’m in Love with a ‘Bad Boy,’ Can I marry him and hope he’ll change?

Please, he didn’t train me in university o, my siblings did. As it seems, age is not on my side. What do I do? I’m really confused. Helllllp!

________________________________________________________________________

My 2-Cents:

My dear, I will straight off recommend Ross T’s So you want to marry series… It’s a practical guide for the lady seeking a husband. I can say categorically that you and this man you’ve dated for a while now are not compatible. The two factors – you’re educated and he’s not; you’re a christian and he’s not – are major game changers in any relationship. Both of you are simply not on the same wavelength which is why you don’t “flow” like you say.

Read also: My future mother-in-law hates me, Please what can I do?

Whilst you might be able to manage a relationship now, it’ll be a lot mot difficult/almost impossible to keep it going for a lifetime. The fact that you have issues with it already is proof that the marriage wouldn’t stand much of a chance. I’ve seen several instances where couples split after a few years/months, citing “incompatibility” as reason for divorce… And I’m wondering, Ok, didn’t y’all notice you weren’t compatible before you took those vows??? I don’t think you want to go that route.

Read Also: So you want to marry? Part 5 – A Pratical Guide for the Lady seeking a Husband

Meanwhile, your other ‘married men’ suitors are really not eligible so that option is definitely out of the question. Good thing you already mentioned that you don’t want to marry another woman’s husband. You can do better for yourself so no need to settle.

Much as it might not be what you want to hear at this time, I think you still have some waiting to do. But that really is not a bad thing; don’t mind what society thinks/says. You are better off single than in a trouble filled marriage. The right man will come in good time.

All the best darling.

Davina
———————————————————————————————

TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you…

xoxoxoxoxo

369 COMMENTS

  1. And sooo,,, Is that even a major standard for choosing a spouse… My dear marry he who gives u love, happiness and ur peace of mind… Samfyn lyk his educational background is nt really relevant… Or u can help him get educated

  2. Knowledge is de key not school, u can pass thru sch. & sch wont pass thru u, 4 de fact u went 2 de 4 walls of university doesnt mk u, Educated, there so many Educated illiterate, in de ways de do tins, get it rite knowledge is power we learn everyday, & in all ur getting get understanding, i hvnt condemned schooling , cos i& my hubby will still go back 2 sch

  3. Ask yourself if you too are educated
    For an example if you studies in the zoo called Nigeria can you count yourself as an educated person
    The answer is no because they spent ten months on strike and only study two months for the whole year so answer the question by yourself

  4. marry him as far as the love is there after all education is a continues process i have seen old men going to school ,education should not be a barrier for you to marry your heatrob hurry now before is to latemarry be

  5. BILL GATES, MARK ZUKERBEG, STEVE JOBS are USA multibillioniares and the world at large. Just make your research and tell me the UNIVERSITY they attended. So education should not be a barrier. A wise woman builds her house. May be you are the one that is destined 2 empower him educationally. So, pray 4 God’s assistance sky will be your limit.

    • All this men u mention can atleast express themselves and represent. Can u marry a woman who can’t even speak a line of correct english ? Will u always be proud to show her off to ur friends n associates_pls be sincere! #sometimes love is not just enough

    • My dear I like your comments so far, I am not trying to make impression that EDUCATION is not good, but to let people know it is not everything. Other things needs to be put into consideration. You should know, I am not making it a mandatory for one 2 marry uneducated person, it is a thing of choice, it is left for one to consider. Again, you put a question, asking if I could marry somebody that cannot speak good English. Let me tell you the first girl I dated and wanted to marry was was about to enter a secondary school, she was not good at speaking but I like her 4 the person she was, among other qualities though the marriage was not successful owing to some reasons apart from EDUCATION. Then, I was so proud of her b/4 my friends and relations. when it comes to marriage, you don’t just turn somebody off because of educational level or because of poor DICTION, it is left for you to make out your time know his degree of intelligence, my dear if you are compartible with him, you will bring him up. All these I am telling you happens. But if you have crossed your “RUBICON” that you must not marry an uneducated person, well it is up to you. Obviously, education is good but that should not always jeopardize people’s chances of marriage. With these and more details till I come back don’t go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

  6. U guyz shldnt be harsh, aftall, she came seeking for advice. Ma advice is dat if u luv him, then get married to him. Help him get enrolled into a good adult education program while u lead him to Christ. Good luck dear

  7. If the guy is not educated and also not creative as in if he doesn’t have a handiwork pls don’t marry him o.all this pple commenting will not live with you oo.but if he’s not educated but he’s creative you can marry him later enrol for partime program

    • its nature,already while in the relationship he know she’s educated that’s one of the reason hes ready to settle for her..& he on his own will want to be up to speed…so he will welcome them,,,not by imposing it on him,,,but more like an idea…..or Better still they both can agree on it before the wedding.

  8. I think you are all wrong. The most important part you all left out which is the man’s relationship with God. As Davina rightly said incompatibility especially in spirituality is setting up yourself for a divorce. Please pray to God for a man after His heart. God bless you.

  9. Send him to school if it’s what you desire. But before you do this, find out the age of both of you so that by the time he is through whether he will not be the one to set standards.

  10. Wait a minute,have you taken your time to find out the lady doctors in our hospitals and high profile women working in companies and the banking sector that their men are probably in Alaba and Onitcha markets ? I know many of them. At 36 you are still asking question about eligibility ? You are not serious.

  11. pls don’t! i had similar experience, am 33yrs old the guy that asked for my hand in marriage recently is not educated. people encouraged me to accept, i accepted, am telling you the difference was much. He was a fashion designer, fine! with good handwork, what people tell you to do can they do it? he will feel inferior, insecure, not-understanding, demanding, controlling e.t.c Can you boldly introduce him to your friends, family e.t.c? Can he represent you in any event? when i discover it wasn’t going to work, i told him we should end the relationship, you know what next? that was when the illiteracy in him came out. i was beaten up, abused and the rest. please don’t let people deceive you, marry someone you are compact-able with in every area. Am just coming out of the mess, i rest my case.

    • My dear Angela ur situation is different from her, according to ur response d fashion designer came from no where and asked ur hand in marriage and friends and well wishers encouraged u ,unlike dis lady who said she has been dating dis uneducated young man for a long time even as she is seeking for advice now she is still dating him, why dating him and wasting his time since u know he is not ur class in academic field, u don’t eat rat meat but u share rat meat with ur teeth ,pls my young lady go ahead and marry dat ur uneducated boo who knows he might be ur Mr right

    • You are ba-ad adviser: tell her to wait until she is 46 okay? Pastor E.A Adebeye said d oldest single he ever know is 82 now bcos she is one of d first woman prof in Nigeria he know, so she is waiting 4 a prof like her or more than prof up until now she is still waiting. 1tin is needed which is d will of God nd love fellows.

    • you are so right Angela.dating uneducated men is no no abeg. when you have misunderstanding is when the illiterate in them comes out. pls wait n be patient for your type. soeone both of you can reason on the same platform pls.

    • My question is,what is education generally? Somebody is a fashion designer nd u refer to him/hr as not educated?somebody has a primary/secondary cert nd u refer to them as illiterates cos they do not pass through d 4 walls of uni?pls let this over hype uni education not b a peremeter 4 love,uni education dnt teach love,my sist,if u love ur man nd he loves u 2,den u dnt need advice frm anybody evn ur parents cos if do den prepare 2 b single 4eva considering ur age.most of all dos in ur age bracket advising u not 2 marry ur man are only been jealous cos if they have d same opportunity they would’nt seek 4 ur opinion. Jst tink,pray nd tink again my dear.

    • What’s education….so all these copy copy people wey bin de hide chips in bra during exams and those we been de write exam for those days are forming educated too and looking fr educated man.? De there at 40 u will beg for babalawo to marry won’t see……spirit of baby mama is calling u..mtcheeew

    • @Afoke you don’t know me, people who know me can acknowledge that am humble to the root.@ Sunday you mustn’t insult yourself because you want to comment, me being single wasn’t planned, am not the type that share my story online, but I pray for you that your daughter will wait for a man for 10yrs like I waited more than and be hurt.
      That’s why is better to share your story with God, He is the only one to understand, people will always judge from their own view, is only when you are walking through the lane or you have walked through it that you will understand.
      Anyway @Sunday I will gladly invite you for my wedding in few months time, because my God is too faithful to fail. Reserve the 4th wife in the north for your daughters and granddaughters.
      For the fact that you married an illiterate and it worked for you, doesn’t mean that it can work for another. Most especially if the man is the SUBJECT here!
      Wisdom is profitable to direct, unless is God specifically told you that his your husband. My fathers in the faith: Bishop David oyedepo & Dr Paul & Berky Eneche will tell you don’t marry someone you are higher than Academically, because men are always the head, as such problem will come in right in the marriage, which they told us they bring similar cases to them always.
      I don’t care if you will insult me. Marriage is very good, but you can go to hell if you marriage the wrong person, but you can make heaven 100% as single. Don’t get me wrong am not against marriage! Don’t let people push you, follow God’s will, if is the illiterate HE said you should marriage, he will see you through.
      I will end this reply my sharing the story of sister Grace my co-tenant. Her marriage ended within a year and 6month. Anytime we speak she will always tell me, please don’t fall to pressure.
      How did it happen Aunty Grace dated a guy for years who entered university and dropped out first year. She graduated and started working, when she tell people about the guy, they advice marry him for love.
      It got to a stage pressure was coming here and there, because she was close to 40, she endedup marrying the guy. Few months after the marriage, Mike started complaining, the family members said she is riding him, he stopped her from working, he started locking her inside the house, stopped people from visiting her, seized her phone and always beat her up. After months of going through this hell, she packed her things with the help of a good Samaritan, she ran for her life January last year. I spoke with her 2days ago, she will always say don’t fall to pressure, is better to be single than to become second hand, that she is now second hand. But she bless God that she is still alive. She will always say “bite what you can swallow or it will hang on your throat and choke you to death”. If you want her number I can give you to call and confirm her life experience. I rest my case, bite what you can swallow, don’t listen to people!

    • Angela onyekanna, you have said your part, what of your husband’s own. If your father is alive and still alive, this will not happened…. Ogechukwu, you are not educated. To be educated means to be accommodating, so if you can’t accommodate uneducated person, you are not educated…….. Thanks

  12. If you’re an educated woman do not marry an uneducated man, your orientation is gonna vary, your opinion about issues will too, you’re gonna disagree on a whole lot of issues, and then he gonna be feeling insecure, marry your type, that’s how marriage works, only love is not enough.

  13. Please don’t marry him except you are going to mortgage your freedom to him, again the marriage will not be successful because he will suspect all your male friends that you are dating them, finally if he sees a man around you he will feel inferior that can create a scene

  14. Na Education dem de take marry abi na attitude and money, a man get Education any time any day… It’s better you don’t delay ursef becus real men are in short supply

  15. Marry him but first discuss the issue of him getting educated, part time schooling is ok for him.both of you can work it but if you are not compact able my dear ,don’t do what you will regret later,.

  16. pls i beg u in the name of God dnt marry him pls just wait for another 36years dat make it 72 then u wil find a man how is very educated.idiot ur mate don born finish for husband house u stil dey there dey ask question,where were the educational men when u at 25year ur head no marry person wey go school

  17. Well I hv dsame case at hand now, but all I hv 2 say is dat d problem we are having now is that many people is not asking abt d will of God again, only what they want; U can wait until U become 46 then lecturer ll come & marry U.”E A Adebeye”Said that d oldest single he ever know is 82 years now, bcos she is 1 of d first woman 2b a prof in Nigeria. So she is waiting 4 a prof like her or more than prof, keep on waiting ooo!.

  18. All this guys talking how many of them will marry an illiterate,none. Every guy today wants to marry a graduate but for a girl to do the same has become an issue here. My take in this issue s at least wasc holder ,illiteracy comes with a mentality n mind set. Most important thing s for a guy to be sensitive, ave conscience n a sense of what s good n bad. Plz ladies basic education matters or else,you spend the rest of your life been irritated by certain mind set n behaviours.

  19. MY DEAR THE WORST THING PEOPLE DO IS TO SEEK ADVICE WHEN U KNOW WHAT YOU HEART SAYS IF YOU ARE MARRYING WHOM LOVES AN HE LOVES YOU AS WELL THEN UR LIFESTYLES MATCHES WHY WILL YOU ASK QUESTIONS? MOREOVER ANY RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON LOVE KNOWS NO QUALIFICATIONS ITS OUT OF REASON AND SEASON IF YOU SOMEONE IF HES EVEN AN IMBECILE IN UR EYES YOU SEE HIM OR HER AS PERFECT WITH UR QUESTION NOW IM SURE UR INTEREST IN BEING WITH HIM IS CONDITIONAL THATS WHY YOU EVEN SEE HIM AS UNEDUCATED BCOS LOVE DNT COST A THING.WHEN ITS NATURAL IT SEES NOTING BAD IN MIDST OF WRONG SO I WILL ADVICE YOU LOOK FOR A GRADUATE YOUR HEART BEATS FOR AN LET THAT GUY GET WHOM LOVES HIM FOR WHOM HE IS

  20. Does such comparisons really exit dis days? My dear marry him if u luv him. N stop paintin ursef like u r beter than d illiterate ones. Who even told u dat education makes u special .. Every1 is equal in d sight of God

  21. The truth is that if you marry an uneducated man you run the risk of silence. By this I mean that you have to rehearse your joke before you spill it. With an educated man, you can jokingly say, ” why do you speak like you are uneducated” this man will not take offence because he is educated but if he is not, gash! Third world war in that small apartment. I advise you to marry an educated man or have him get education. It will always be an isssue, always. And for you to make it work, you may have to short change yourself by always trying to please him in every thing so he might say because he is not educated.

  22. Love alone can’t keep a relationship. This is a very sensitive matter my dear. If deep down u know u can’t pls dnt try it, if its ur tym u will surely get ur husband. There are so many people that will go to hell bcos of their marriages dnt let any devil 4rm d pit of hell make u feel that this might be ur last chance, Jehovah has d final say. Most of dem say all their trash to u bcos they refused to be educated too. God will help u.

  23. Education is not the key to a successful marriage, compatibility is the key, because dat same educated man, can have a worst behavior Dan the uneducated man, I have seen many uneducated wise men dat take good care of their family nd knw d value of education, my dad is uneducated while my mum is, dia are certain things dat concerns our education dat whn we ask for he feels we wnt to extort money frm him, like whn I Tld him I the school lost my four files nd we asked to replace it or we won’t b cleared for final clearance, he gave me 200 Naira,dat file is 50 Naira each, so dat can b ur fate, but my dad is very wise with things around him, talks beta dan any educated man,despite all his flaws my mum will Neva quarrel or insult him, even whn itz like d issue at hand is abt to strt a quarrel, she will just stop nd let him win. So marriage is like a parcel, whatever u see inside d parcel u take. That’s the reason we are advised to date for minimum of 6mnths nd maximum of 1yr before venturing into marriage, so with dat u will knw if u are compatible or not. Nd finally marriage is not meant for everyone, for those saying pple are bad advisers, whn ur set time comes God will give u ur husband, so make d right choice, becos after marriage u are on ur own.

  24. Comment:she did not ask 4 insults or condemnation she only seeks 4 advice.My dear my advice is dat if he truly loves u marry him irrespective of his educational background n 4 d love he has 4 u u can lure him 2 church.I undastnd why u are scared most uneducated pple have a shallow way of reasoning dey are most times aggressive n if dey know u are more educated dan dey are insecurity sets in ,dey become abusive not all of dem don’t quote me wrong but majority of dem.So my dear just be very sure he is not d violent type.

  25. Ask for the will of God and not education, education does not make marriage work but God,besides most big firms are being own by uneducated people, who eventually employs educated people, besides lack of education does not mean that he is a novice, if you are sure that he loves you, and that he can protect you from his family in case of crisis, go ahead, but remember every marriage needs prayers always take it to God

  26. Hmmm edu ni, edu ko, who cares???? Just pray God for your own destiny husband. After all he he loves me n meets my needs, can read, proud of the woman I am, understanding 98%, listening ears n lastly my ATM. My dear marry him, n bring out the best in him. No body is 100% perfect.

  27. Education here is not d problem u can make him to be d person u want him to be people can go to school but not educated what matters here is some body who can give u luv, happiness an peace, rest of mind

  28. your happiness, care, understanding & wisdom that will hold the two of you is d most important thing. Because he is not educated doesn’t make him a less man. Their are alot of women who are passing through pains in the hands of the Educated husbands just as you are looking for (Educated man) Let God give you your own man educated or not I tell you things will be going on well. Gods blessings.

  29. Being uneducated doesn’t always mean irresponsible or low self esteem. Mine is, if the guy is calm, believes in God n himself, cares deeply about u, loves u and is financially capable go ahead if u love him. I have seen so many men who dropped out of secondary school but bcuz of their job get to meet a lot of learned people and go places that gives them a lot of exposure (practical education) and I have equally seen many of the so called educated men who behave like complete animals. The formal education of a man ain’t gonna guarantee ur happiness. U can enlighten him with love on things he’s not doing well and he will learn since he loves u.
    For all it’s worth, u have the decision to make.

  30. SINCE U LOVE HIM AND EDUCATION IS BECOMING A BARIER SEND HIM TO UNIBEN WAIT UNTIL AFTER HIS YOUTH SERVICE AND MASTERS DEGREE BEFORE U PEOPLE CAN MARRY MAYBE THEN U WILL BE 50 YEARS OLD ORUWE

  31. Hahahahaha. Pls, you can’t marry someone who does not believe in your stand with God. On education, you can’t use that as a prerequisite. Except you have standards as regards that.

  32. This is actually a serious issue.but if u ve not witnessed any or hear from a close relation you wont understand the gravity of it. Let me relay a true life story,there is this elder cousin of mine, he is not educated[by that i mean higher education],he got married to a beautiful young FUTO graduate.aside that my cousin married her,i know her in person to be very smart and intelligent. The truth is that if not for God that married would not ve last for a year. An undisputed truth is that what causes most problems from the on set in that family are trivial things that my cousin could not handle,one of such case is this,actually my cousin is rich so after their first child the wife requested for a car since my cousin goes to market with the one they ve. Infact my cousin over reacted to the extent that he called his illiterate mother in the village to complain that his wife is demanding for a car and his mother worsened the whole thing.myself being educated i know there is nothing wrong in buying my wife a car and even if i am not ready yet,i know how to calm her down.so when this lady complain to me things that are happening, i actually know that my cousin not furthering his education owe more to their problems.the truth is that education does not buy love but education buys good reasoning,understanding and character which are all key to a good marriage.the worst is that my cousin feels insecure,always suspecting and the lady had to come real real down so that they can atleast be at par which is not too good for any lady that still wants to grow.

  33. IF YOU KNOW YOU ARE INCOMPATIBLE NOW, PLEASE DON’T GO IN BECAUSE LATER YOU WILL DISCOVER MUCH MORE INCOMPATIBLES THAN NOW.

  34. Becareful bc uneducated man is very jealous, even if u use ur phone to do some research he will still supect u,uneducated man get angery over small things, so be 36y donot mean dat is ur last chance to get a man ,u can still get de man u want,also pray to God about it

  35. What’s education….so all these copy copy people wey bin de hide chips in bra during exams and those them de write exam for those days are forming educated too and looking fr educated man.? De there at 40 u will beg for babalawo to marry won’t see……spirit of baby mama is calling u..mtcheeew

  36. it’s true that love is the most important thing but in most cases men that are not educated kills the dream of their educated wives. Find out his orientation about education and know if he will silence your dreams in future. Don’t marry because u are 36 and feel it’s late. For fear of intimidation (certificate wise) some uneducated men will ask their wives never to do any ‘white-Collier job ‘ or to pursue more certificate. How will u feel if u want to get extra certificate and he tells u ‘it’s a waste of money’? How will u feel when ur kids come back with school assignments that u don’t understand and the only person around (husband) can not even attempt? How will u feel when u ask ur children to read their books and he ask them to play with the reason ‘ everyone must not go to school? what about spoiling ur mood with ‘grammar’? However if u truly love him and u are sure u can stand all that, then go ahead. If u can’t, just wait patiently. Don’t think of ur age and menopause, it’s God that gives children, if God is on ur side, age is not a barrier.

  37. This lady is not ready for marriage. Who told you that uneducated man cannot give you the love and care you need? Pls continue to wait for edacated guys but mind you, you are not growing younger.

  38. What mater must is love what of if u marry an enlight without love u have to face another challenges so please my sister if u love him & he also love u so go ahead and marry him God bless u

  39. Sum uneducated men respect der women dan d educated ones.der ar sum educated ones wu ar Nofin but beast.education isn’t everything in a marriage.but luv,care,respect,peace nd honesty.education isn’t d pillar of a gud marriage

  40. Comment: pls my dear sister, you are no more a kid you no what is good and what is bad, go ahead and marry him before you will blame yourself, 4get about education now pray to God for good home, don’t worry God is in control

  41. You all have spoken well..and for those that have been offended please. .don’t be…we see things from different perspective and we also come from thesame background. ..the only thing I have to say here is…Marriage is ability to serve each other and also both parties should no their roles. .and lady’s. .pls..For any correction towards your man..don’t do it in arrogance. .and man..try and be teachable. …I wonder why is so difficult for two people to live 2gda…let’s respect ourselves and play our role..There is no Boss any where..God is the Boss..Man needs wisdom and same with woman..God bless you

  42. Ladies can marry uneducate man, but is not advisable for guy to marry illiterate lady, for me oo i can’t marry illiterate, if i ve opportunity to become Nigeria president in future, she will be first lady, haaah, she go disgrace me like our former president wife did, abeg ooo i no call person oo,lol

  43. The only reason we should have to marry is love, but if you have a reason other than love for dating a man you can quite but if you love him and he loves you every other thing is secondary, what you need is peace in your home and education can not give you peace in a home.

  44. 1st of all, define education or are u talking of him being a graduate. No. Bae tell him dat all dat matters are alot. After all who u expect at dat age. Jst make him comfortable around u, give him d confidence dat he is in control. U too no dey blow grammar. Speak d language he understands nd bet me. He is urs forever. Go for gold

  45. Go to God in Prayers. Ask for Forgiveness of all the Sins you have committed including fornication & Adultery. Vow never to go back to Sin. God who is the author of institution of Marriage, will send you ýour own husband

  46. Hummm is that an excuse?pls think twice God allow things to happened in our lives for a purpose.just go ahead if he is d one that God choose for you because he knows d best for us.qualification,position,wealth etc are not issue before God

  47. If u love him an you are sure u can stand is mentally make your decision by yourself. Because for me I can’t an I won’t ,in life u need the right people by your side if u want to be connected with things happening in the world, I have seen so many guys with low mentality but believe me is something I don’t want to get engage in,is your life decide yourself because neither me or anyone here will acompany u in that journey make your decision before is too late😘

  48. pray 4 God’s will…educated or nt….som ladies r 40 n abv…lookn 4 illiterate 2 marry….m dear…..if hes God s will den go 4him….wah matas is peace of mind nt education m dear……moreso….he can b educated if dats wah u wan……adult education is avail…

  49. If he is uneducated,exposed with positive attitude and you love him,marry him. But if he is uneducated, no exposure, zero attitudes, forget loving him cos you will have multiple problems if you marry him. Even the educated ones some times behave like illiterate.

  50. Many girls after training them in the university, they will call uneducated, and will leave you to marry whoever they feel is educated, please guys becareful about how you spent your money on some ingrate ladies. Marriage is all about love and understanding.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here