Hello Dear Readers, welcome to another day of your favourite column Dear Davina where we deal with relationship issues. Relationships are very important and it is really necessary we get them right. It is said that man is a social animal and we do thrive by and via our relationships. Dear Davina deals with relationships between singles and I try to advise on how to make your relationships better. So you can call me a relationship consultant ( laugh).
Today, we deal with a thorny issue. Have you ever felt that one of your buddies is too close to a loved one? You might not be able to put your finger on it but you just aren’t comfortable? This is the case that Dayo is writing me about today.
Please take time to read and I look forward to your comments and contributions. You can read past Dear Davina’s by clicking here. We also have lovely relationship articles such as the divorce stories and other beautiful articles. Join me after reading Dayo’s letter for my comments.
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Hello Dear Davina,
So I’m in a relationship with a guy I’m totally in love with but he has lots of ladies interested in him which gets me frustrated at times.
He is a good person, he has taught me a lot. But the issue here is that he chooses to keep in touch with one of my close friends I introduced him to which gets me worried.
She always wants to know what’s happening with us and she constantly wants to know what we are about. I asked him to stay away from her because I didn’t like the way things were going.
He, however, lied about him staying away and he deletes his chat with her so I don’t get to read them. I once took the time to delete her number but he retrieved it and changed the contact name of which I later found out.
I don’t know whether to confront him or not. Sometimes I feel he doesn’t love me enough sometimes I feel he does.
He is always jealous of my male friends calling me and telling me to avoid them when he’s around but he keeps talking to his female friends. I really get hurt sometimes. He keeps talking about marriage but I feel I can’t trust him enough.
Dear Davina, I’m just confused… about what to do with him. I’m not ready to let go but I get scared because of the lies.
Sometimes I feel I’m the only one making the sacrifice for this relationship.
My two cents…
thanks for your mail. I believe you have every reason to be worried about him. Initially, I was going to believe that you were taking things to far and was maybe being unnecessarily jealous but there are some subtle signs that throw off an alarm for me.
There isn’t much to his having female friends nor being close to them seeing that you are not yet married. The issue would be how close he is to them. Also, the number of friends is relative. To some women, 2 female friends are excessive. He has had those friends for a while and it would take them time to drop off. You should actually be scared of someone who drops his friends suddenly.
My issue is with his closeness with your friend, his attempts to hide the relationship and his insistence on the relationship despite your discomfort with it. If this was someone he knew before you or outside of you, I can understand but this is someone he knew through you.
My understanding is that you are not saying that they shouldn’t be friends but you are uncomfortable with the relationship distance between both of them. I fully agree with you on that. While there might not be anything untoward between them, A man who loves you and truly wants to marry you should be careful about inflicting pain on you.
He should be able to take into cognisance things that make you uncomfortable and should care enough not to aggravate you. The fact that he isn’t doing so is worrisome.
I believe you should seat with him one more time and read him the riot act. Let him know your feelings as regards these matters and how much they hurt you. Ask him to desist as it is hurting you and your trust in him.
Where he is willig and changes, go along with him. If however, he insists, I would advise that you walk away as the man isn’t worth. He would likely string you alomng for a long time only to marry someone else of he may marry you and keep hurting you.
I hope this helps
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