this is your girl Davina. sorry I have been missing in action. Several high matters to deal with and I have sure missed you all.
Phew!! my inbox is piled high with several matters to deal with. It would take me a while to get through them, but I would try my best.
First on the line:
Dear Davina: My dad is cheating on my mum with her best friend…
Hmmmmn. This one is a high matter oh…
“Abeg Davina what can I do to a man who lies a lot? because my Dad is a terrible liar but I usually catch him. He’s been lying to us that he doesn’t have money but I recently saw an alert on his phone stating that he has 3million naira in his bank account. Meanwhile, my mum has been paying my school fees and that of my siblings plus other bills in the house. So now that I have seen this on his phone, I’m really thinking if I should tell my mum because I don’t want anything to come between them. I’m also aware that he is cheating on my mum with one of her friends who she supposedly sees as her bestie! Please how can I punish my dad? He sure will not go scot free.”
Looking forward to your response.
Dear Davina: I Slept With My Ex 2 Nights Before My Wedding, Now I Am Not Sure Who The Father Of My Son Is.
My 2 Cents…
Hmmmmmmmmmmmn. I don’t envy you, darling. You have a tough call to make.
Ok, here goes…
There are many sides to this story you must be very careful about the side you see as not everything is as black and white as they seem.
- Are you very positive that it is indeed your mum paying the bills? From what I gather, your parents are still together if not, you wouldn’t want to be sensitive to the situation. In most homes that I know – mine and those of my friends while growing up, for example, parents usually divide duties. The father takes care of the “man” business while the mother takes care of the “woman” business such as school fees, food in the house and taking care of the children. The mother does this from an allowance given by the father for this purpose. Because the children never see the side of the father giving the mother these funds, they always assume that the mum is the one who makes all the payments. Sometimes also, some mothers make it look as if they are the ones doing everything.
2. I am pretty sure your mother has more access to your Dad’s phone than you do, after all, she sleeps with him and knows when he is vulnerable – also known as woman power!. It is likely the money could be a loan, it could be money from someone. don’t jump to conclusion.
Having said that, some men are useless and would take advantage of any situation. Maybe he has seen that your mum has the ability to bear the load and he is taking advantage of her.
Now the big one regarding his relationship with her bestie, this is similar to another case I have for this week. This matter is very dicey in that there is really not much you can do. Several studies have shown that one of the biggest threat to marriages is the so called besties. Many women snatching their best friends husbands right from under their nose. No matter how much you try, it is unlikely that your mother would believe you. It is your word against theirs and guess whom they would believe?
There are many modern ways you can use to expose their relationship. You can do James Bond and plant a camera or an audio device to gather evidence to present to your mother. However, think of the cost. Like you said, you don’t want anything to come between them and likely spoil your mom’s joy. Sometimes, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.
however, I have a possible solution based on something one of my besties once did. I suspect you are old enough and can do this.
- Sit down and have a talk with your dad. Produce your evidence and allow him to defend himself. You can even threaten to take your evidence to your mother. At the worse, he might call your bluff but he would be more careful.
- confront your mother’s bestie and threaten to bring the matter to your mother. Where possible, take one or two of your siblings with you and warn her to desist. At the least, she would be careful.
Having said all these, you must understand that the dynamics of marriages and relationships in an African setting where a man is allowed more than one wife is very fluid and different. I know a lady who tried something similar with her father and ended up in trouble. The father called a family meeting on her head accusing her of insulting him and his position as the head of the house. She almost had to kill a goat to appease the gods. So you must be careful. It might be better for you to just jeje bear the thing and wait for your turn to come so you can pack out of the house. Even sef, if you are old enough to be writing a letter to Dear Davina, you should be old enough to be independent – Abi ke?
TO ALL DD READERS….
You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you…