Dear Davina,

thank you so much for your kind counsel.

I noticed that most of your counseling is for single people. But there many of us married or ex married who have issues as well.

I have been separated from my ex for upwards of four years. We were married for 10 years and have three lovely kids. It initially was a good marriage but in the last 3 years of it, I ended up being battered mercilessly and so I ran.

The children stay with me but they also visit their dad as often as they desire

We both have good jobs. The problem however is that my ex-husband has refused to pay any of the bills especially school fees or any medical fees.

Recently, one of our kids had an accident while at my ex’s house while his dad was away at work. They reached me and I had to rush the boy to the hospital. My son was in the hospital for 1 week before being finally released. Now even though he can afford to pay, my ex has refused.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. Sometimes, if the kids leave from my house to school, he will refuse to pay their bills to the point of their being almost sent home and then I will pay.

I can afford to pay but I think he is being unfair. I have spoken to him about this but it has made no difference.

Please what should I do

 

Also read she just confessed to cheating on me with her colleague, what do I do?

________________________________________________________________________

My 2-Cents:

Hmmmmmmmm.. I take a slightly different perspective to these matters, you might not like what I have to say but here goes…

in situations like this, the key thing is to take a long term look at what is at stake here. I believe that the most important thing here is the future of your kids and not this emotional kalo-kalo your ex and you are playing with their lives.

Looking deep into your write up, there are many things I can take up with both of you but this is my take….

Since both of you decided to bring these kids into these world without their permission, you should both exercise restraint, discipline and stop being selfish when it comes to both of them. They didn’t ask to be brought into the world. You both chose to do so.

By the time you are both messing around with issues around their school fees and health, I wonder what else you are doing to them that you aren’t telling us.

Babe, God has blessed you. He has made it possible to take care of these kids you carried for 9 months without the need of any yeye man what is your problem? If God forbid, anything happens to these kids, wouldn’t you go to the ends of the earth to ensure they come out well?

Sister, leave these things!! Be the woman that God has blessed you and called you to be. Where necessary, pay the bills and leave him out. Of course send him the bills each time they come up and if they are his responsibility but don’t ever jeopardize anything concerning your kids. Always thank God that he has strengthened and enabled you and move on.

Bottom line: It doesn’t really matter who pays. God has blessed and empowered you to take care of your kids. Please put them first.

Much Love
Davina

———————————————————————————————
TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you…

xoxoxoxoxo

Davina

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A Psychologist by training, I love to help people make sense of their unique circumstances and sort through their issues. I realize that relationship issues and matters of the heart can be quite daunting when there’s no one to talk to so at Davina Diaries, I play the “Love Doctor” –
You talk, I listen and We work it out together.

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