Hello everyone, I hope you had a great weekend. Wow! this month is really flying, we are in the last week already. Please keep up the Dear Davina conversations. I was so encouraged by a comment I saw on one of our posts where a reader was sharing her story. Please keep it up. I have such a backlog of Dear Davina’s that I Really wish I could do a Dear Davina every day. It takes a lot to do a Dear Davina Though but I will come up with something. This week, I want to deal with relationships around marriages. That is; people engaged, married etc. So here goes my first for the week

 

My Survivor Story, Angela, raped at age 7

Dear Davina: My Ex Wants To Mess Up My Engagement

Dear Davina,
I enjoy reading your column which has encouraged me a lot. Keep it up.

Please, I am losing my mind. I Am down and totally broken. I had a boyfriend of 8years, last year he told me that he was tired of everything and we parted. God comforted me and gave me someone new. Now as I started planning my marriage to my new man. My ex traced him and pleaded With him to leave me for him. All this happened while I was out of town. Then my fiancee called me to narrate the story and that he will meet with his pastor.

Since after he met the pastor, he stopped calling and has refused to pick my calls. Only for my ex to send me an SMS that my fiancee called him that he doesn’t want to pick my call or talk to me as his pastor had said he should leave me for my ex.

All marriage plans are cancelled, and this is a man I love dearly. They never cared to listen to my opinion, I can’t go back to my ex because I feel nothing for him anymore, I love my fiancee so much. Don’t know what to do. I Am terribly traumatised. Please, I need your advice. I Am silently dying.

My Two cents…

Wow! this is quite interesting, I feel for you ma sista. Sometimes it takes one party to lose someone for them to realise how much the other person means to them. It is very likely as events have shown that after separating from you; maybe for another girl, your ex suddenly realises how much you mean to him. I am pretty sure he must have tried to get you back and when you refused he went to the length he did with your fiancee.

You need to look at things from the side of your fiancee, you and your fiancee have only known for just a bit longer than a year. Meanwhile, here is a man that you were with for 8 years telling him stuff. You are not party to what he told him that caused him to seek out the pastor. Like you said you were not in town. You must have been away for a long time for the decisions to be taken behind your back. Your ex must have been very persuasive because by the time you came back the harm had been done.

My advice

1. You would need to exercise some care and time in handling this matter as it is quite sensitive for all the parties involved. It isn’t something you rush into. You would need to proceed on this matter with care and sensitivity.

2. Go look for the pastor to your fiancee as he holds the key to this matter. I am pretty sure that before any plans for marriage was commenced, the pastor must have been involved. If he gave his blessings then, something must have happened to make him give his advice. Find time to meet with him and tell your side of the story. Ensure you see him.

3. Try and reassure your fiancee that you have truly broken up with your ex. Don’t relent in your calls or text. Try and see someone in his family or a friend of his close to you and let him know your side. I have a feeling that your ex must have told your fiancee that you are still both seeing each other or some other story along that line.

4. If all fails, I would advise you to walk away from both men and start life afresh. While I realise that your ex has been mischievous, the man you want to get married to should be able to trust you to a high extent. If he has refused to pick your calls, not take your SMS and isn’t willing to hear your own side of the story even after you have done all I have advised, please walk away. You deserve more than all the drama going on.

I feel you and I would be praying for you.
Davina
____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

10 COMMENTS

  1. If the poster of this story is reading this post right now on Facebook i advice that you follow every advice given to you by Davina,she couldn’t have said it any better..God will take control of everything since you tried your best and left it for him to handle

  2. The writer is sensitive and vulnerable at this moment, comments like get a gun and shoot your ex are they last things she needs to here. Pls let’s be careful what we say to people in pain. Dear writer everything that happens happens for a reason, try to calm yourself down it’s when you are calm you can make the best decisions and moves. This is a phase that will pass and following Davina’s advice will help you get past this phase happy. You may also send him a lengthy email unbaring your heart. After all of this, relax knowing you have done your part and let life happen. Worrying won’t solve a thing. Be strong and of good courage, cheers.

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