Dear Davina,

Please I need really serious advice. I’m in a relationship with a guy who loves me very much. We’ve been on for years now but he wasn’t really working when we started. I stood by him and now things have gotten better and he works. The issue is I am starting to notice something strange, I don’t know if I should call it stinginess. I probably didn’t notice since he wasn’t doing well in the past and I didn’t bother him because he didn’t have then.

Even now that he’s working, I never ask for anything. I believe he should give me if he has and not me asking. I don’t extort him, I don’t depend on him, sometimes I even help him. I manage the little I have because I hate being dependent and besides, I don’t have to put my burden on him just because we are dating.

But we are planning our future together so it bothers me if he’ll continue this way when we are married.. When he started working, he said he would give me some small amount of money monthly to keep up, I didn’t ask. After a while he reduced it but keeps sending money to people who I don’t know and some not related to him. Whenever we quarrel, he reminds me of how he’s helping me financially (with this small amount) and I was pissed at how he thought he’s helping my life with such and making me feel indebted to him. So I stopped him from giving me at all and told him to never send me money if he’ll remind me every time.

Read also: 6 years after we split, I’m still in love with my EX who has moved on

When I talk about it he keeps saying whatever he has belongs to me and that the other people need money more than I do at the moment but he doesn’t know how I manage to keep up. I tried telling him it’s not about saying all he has is mine, it’s like me seeing things but can’t use them, it’s  really not mine. I don’t want much but I don’t want to always feel he’s stingy. I am scared and wondering if he actually is and how the future will be. My birthday was last month, not even a handkerchief! He’s working but I’m not working yet. And he expects me to look good always.

 Please I need good advice on what to do because I am so confused. Thank you.

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My 2-Cents:

Hmmmn, My dear, you are going to have to decide if you can live with it if your bae turns out to have some stinginess in his genes. It may also be that he’s taking for granted the fact that you come off as ever capable. He probably assumes that you are fine if you don’t ask for help. I used to be like you, until I learnt to ask. And I’m glad I did. The innocent guy just assumed I was fine but we discussed it and he understood that although I could take care of me, I appreciated being taken care of.

No shame in my game at all. Even as the richest woman in the world, I’ll like my man to be willing and able to pay my bills. The men I know take full responsibility for their women. If she works, what she does with her money is her business. But I also understand that some men need a little push so darling, do not be ashamed to make demands of your man. Gently insist, especially when it’s the basics and you know he can afford what you’re asking for.

 

Not getting you anything for your birthday for instance, is an absolute NO-NO. And it’s the same thing I’d say if the tables were turned and you were the one who didn’t get him anything for his birthday. It really is more about the gesture than whatever he could have bought you.

You will have to talk to him honestly about these issues (without nagging!), else the financial boat in your relationship may be about to hit an iceberg. Trust me, money issues are best straightened out before you say “I do.’ If not properly addressed, they can become a major problem in your marriage.

All the best dear.
Much Love
Davina

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TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you…

xoxoxoxoxo

Davina

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