Hi guys, welcome to May!!!!. I am truly sorry we didn’t have a Dear Davina on Wednesday. We had several issues due to an upgrade taking place on the site which caused some technical issues. I am sure you would have noticed a difficulty in logging in. anyways, here is our last Dear Davina for the week. I am looking forward to a lovely weekend and I wish you the same.
Dear Davina, My Fiancee Cheated On Me. Now She Wants Me Back
I met a girl 2years ago, she was still a student and resided in a state different from that in which I reside.
I proposed to her in between the two years and she agreed. I approached her parents to marry her but they refused and asked me to wait till she rounds up her education and I agreed.
In June last year, she had an accident that caused her to be hospitalised for close to 2 months. throughout the period, I wasn’t able to get time off work to visit her, but I did send money to cover the bills. naturally, she wasn’t pleased that I couldn’t come.
She was discharged by August and went back to school, she told me she was asked to come for weekly checkups but that the doctor who was a divorcee had told her not to bother and had instead, offered to come check on her regularly as he consulted close to where she lived and She agreed.
last week she told me that she had a confession to make to me which was that she had cheated on me with the doctor. she first told me that the doctor had taken advantage on her in her room and that it happened just once. I didn’t quite believe her and so I interrogated her further. I asked her to swear that it was just once and she got scared and told me that it was not once but on three occasions that they had had sex.
I still wasn’t satisfied as I observed she was hiding something, so I went further and asked her to swear a deadly oath. Then she confessed another version of the story stating that the first time was in a hotel. That the doctor had invited her for a drink and it became late for her to go back especially as it was also raining that night. Later on, the doctor asked her to follow him to his room so he could give her some money to get a cab. On reaching his room, she changed her mind to go because it was late and she said the doctor then made advances and put her on the bed shifted her panties and they had sex. That she didn’t expect it.
Then I asked her where the other 2 incidents occurred and she said it was in the doctor’s house.
I asked her what had made their relationship to end and she told me the doctor asked her why it was that she always resisted his sexual advances and only opened up after he had pressurised her. He asked her what else could she offer him if not sex, that can she pay his dues? She said that was when her eyes opened and she got angry and she said that was when she left him.
She opened up to me and said she was sorry and that it won’t happen again and she swore by herself.
I never could believe in my wildest imagination that someone else could ever have sex with her, because of the things she always says to me as to how much she loves me. I am still in shock. I told her I have forgiven her but the thought and memory of it still hurts me. I am supposed to revisit her parents by December because I have plans on marrying her by Easter next year
Dear Davina, I don’t know what to do, please help
My Two cents…
I feel your pain brother. These things aren’t easy. When someone cheats on you, in spite of the circumstances, there is always a sense of betrayal and loss. You will constantly battle with the thought that it could occur again. In addition, there is always the question of if she has told you all or if she is hiding some other relationship from you.
It is kinda tough and it puts you in a tough place regarding a decision you need to make. I mean this person is supposed to be your wife in just a few months.
1. If you can’t handle it walk away now!!. There is nothing worse than starting your marriage with trust issues. In Marriage the worst things do get amplified and so you will find that if it is tough dealing with the matter right now, it is about to get worse.
2. You might want to take her for her word. Yes, you did extract more from her about the relationship with the doctor using your “interrogation” techniques, but from what I gather, she is the one who opened up with a confession. Sometimes people make nasty mistakes dependent on the circumstances they find themselves. So many things could have been at play; I mean she was in the hospital for 2 months and you couldn’t come see her once in that time period. That for me is mean but she forgave you and moved on. She could have become vulnerable enough at that time for the doctor to have taken advantage of her.
The fact that you could be shocked that such a thing could happen is a testimony to her character seeing that you have both been in a relationship for two years. She could have “chopped and cleaned mouth” and you wouldn’t have been the wiser. She trusted you, your love for her and your maturity and opened up to you. Might be time for you to reciprocate.
3. I advise you forgive her. Find time to talk it over with her. Let her know that she really hurt you by the action but you are willing to move on because she opened up to you. Let her know that you would still have to work out the betrayal from your system but that you would be fine. I hope this helps
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