Thank you so much for your column. I am an avid reader and several of your advice has helped me and my friends.
I need help. I am getting married in 3 weeks and I don’t want to marry the guy. All the arrangements for the wedding have been made. The cards have been printed and sent out, we have rented the hall, bought my gown and everyone is expecting a great time.
It is not a matter of cold feet neither do I have anyone else. I don’t love and have never loved my fiancée. He is a good man but he doesn’t excite me I don’t feel like this is the person I would want to settle down with for the rest of my life.
He was my first BF and the first and only guy I have ever slept with. We have dated for 5 years. All through these years, I have always felt some inadequacies in the relationship as we don’t really think alike. I however stuck to it because he genuinely loves me and I thought I would grow to love him.
I know I am making a great mistake if I continue but I am also looking at the sacrifices that have been made towards this marriage as well as the disappointments and stories that will come after.
I need your advice because I am going out of my mind and Time is going.
Nike – Abuja
This is indeed a tough one oh!! Why did you wait so long? Five years is indeed a long time to decide. This is really going to hurt people. There are many things to consider beyond you. People who have made sacrifices for this wedding, parents blah blah blah.
However, at the end, it boils down to you and your future. 5 years is a long time to have invested in a relationship but it is also enough time to know what would work and what wouldn’t work.
Sister, marriage shouldn’t be based on sentiments. You don’t marry a person out of pity. That is a sure way of being in bondage all your life. Marriage is tough enough without excess baggage like this. It is a lifetime of commitment. It is better to delay and be sure than get into something you would end up regretting.
My advice is that you pull out at this stage rather than go ahead. People would be upset but ultimately, it is your life and that of your unborn ones.
- First of all, seat with your fiancee and communicate your decision. You might be surprised that he might be on the same page with you and was probably just following along so as not to disappoint you. On the other hand, where he insists on going on, you might need to put your feet down and go along with your decision. It is better you hurt him now than make his life miserable for the rest of his life.
- Go meet with your parents and your loved ones. Pour out your heart and let them understand. Don’t agree to compromise to save anyone’s face.
- Lastly, I would advise that you give yourself a break from dating and marriage for a while so that you sort yourself out and decide what you actually want. You might find that this guy might really be the best for you at the end.
I salute your courage and wish you all the best.
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