Dear Davina,

Thank you so much for your column. I am an avid reader and several of your advice has helped me and my friends.

I need help. I am getting married in 3 weeks and I don’t want to marry the guy. All the arrangements for the wedding have been made. The cards have been printed and sent out, we have rented the hall, bought my gown and everyone is expecting a great time.

It is not a matter of cold feet neither do I have anyone else. I don’t love and have never loved my fiancée. He is a good man but he doesn’t excite me I don’t feel like this is the person I would want to settle down with for the rest of my life.

He was my first BF and the first and only guy I have ever slept with. We have dated for 5 years. All through these years, I have always felt some inadequacies in the relationship as we don’t really think alike. I however stuck to it because he genuinely loves me and I thought I would grow to love him.

I know I am making a great mistake if I continue but I am also looking at the sacrifices that have been made towards this marriage as well as the disappointments and stories that will come after.

I need your advice because I am going out of my mind and Time is going.

Warm regards.

Nike – Abuja

 

Dear Davina

 

READ ALSO: DEAR DAVINA, MY SISTER’S HUSBAND IS PESTERING ME FOR SEX

 

My 2-Cents:

Hello Nike,

This is indeed a tough one oh!!  Why did you wait so long? Five years is indeed a long time to decide. This is really going to hurt people. There are many things to consider beyond you. People who have made sacrifices for this wedding, parents blah blah blah.

However, at the end, it boils down to you and your future. 5 years is a long time to have invested in a relationship but it is also enough time to know what would work and what wouldn’t work.

Sister, marriage shouldn’t be based on sentiments. You don’t marry a person out of pity. That is a sure way of being in bondage all your life. Marriage is tough enough without excess baggage like this. It is a lifetime of commitment. It is better to delay and be sure than get into something you would end up regretting.

My advice is that you pull out at this stage rather than go ahead. People would be upset but ultimately, it is your life and that of your unborn ones.

My Advice:

  1. First of all, seat with your fiancee and communicate your decision. You might be surprised that he might be on the same page with you and was probably just following along so as not to disappoint you. On the other hand, where he insists on going on, you might need to put your feet down and go along with your decision. It is better you hurt him now than make his life miserable for the rest of his life.
  2. Go meet with your parents and your loved ones. Pour out your heart and let them understand. Don’t agree to compromise to save anyone’s face.
  3. Lastly, I would advise that you give yourself a break from dating and marriage for a while so that you sort yourself out and decide what you actually want. You might find that this guy might really be the best for you at the end.

I salute your courage and wish you all the best.

Davina

________________________________________________________________________________

TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you

xoxoxoxoxo

Davina

 

 

12 COMMENTS

  1. She’s a strong lady o. How did she pretend for 5 years. Now Dem don buy goat and bag of rice finish. She cld have spoken to d guy
    1 year was enough to try growing to love the guy. Babe wasn’t wise. Anyway its her call. Choose to be miserable for the rest of her life, cuz she will cheat the moment she sees someone else she likes or quietly walk away, face the shame which won’t last forever and then move on with her life. 5 years was enough to meet someone else and get married.
    The drama she will face walking away from the wedding is better than being caught with another man as a married woman. D consequences no b here

    • Its not like she pretended,like she sad,that was her frst boyfriend and making decision at that age is quite tough cos you are young and uncertan,not knowing what you want.please no one should blame her.

  2. She’s a strong lady o. How did she pretend for 5 years. Now Dem don buy goat and bag of rice finish. She cld have spoken to d guy
    1 year was enough to try growing to love the guy. Babe wasn’t wise. Anyway its her call. Chose to be miserable for the rest of her life, cuz she will cheat the moment she sees someone else she likes or quietly walk away, face the shame which won’t last forever and then move on with her life. 5 years was enough to meet someone else and get married.
    The drama she will face walking away from the wedding is better than being caught with another man as a married woman. D consequences no b here

  3. U have indeed wasted slot and robbed this guy of a lot of things, but ur happiness matters too, I’ve got to think of hw to make it up to him n let hym come off d wedding, make d shame aganist un in his favour

  4. This is really a hard decision…you wouldnt have waited for so long before making your decision.its better you pull out now than getting married to someone you are not atttracted to.
    if you go along with the marraige,it would affect you greatlyu.as any ttle thing,the guy would irritate you.challenges will definetly come in marraige,how are you gong to handle it?please go with the 2 cents advise.All the best love

  5. Hmmm I don’t know what to say oooo because am in the same shoes.. You find urself in a relationship where the guy is great and good but ur reason for not been able to love or learn how to love him is unexplainable no matter how hard u try the best thing is to pull out, but I must say five years was too long to have decided

  6. Same thing happened to me. Got married 17 yes ago, but d marriage is so productive positively DAT I used to tank God in secret DAT I didn’t quit.
    I see my friends that claimed to be in love loose their marriages to adultery anf unfaithfulness but my husband is like a leech on me till date loving like kinlode.
    My sister, it is better a man loves u more. Go ahead, u will praise God

  7. my dear, if you are certain that the man loves you sincerely,go ahead with the marriage,love is a function of the mind, you can set your mind to love him. I believe something must have attracted him to you as a boyfriend. Hmm, the journey to finding a goodman is a funny one these days; what if you get the man you love and he turns out not to love you like this other guy?

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