Hi guys, I know I promised to do 3 episodes this week. I am sorry I couldn’t deliver. It was a heavy week with lot’s happening. Anyway, here is the episode I wanted to deal with on Wednesday.
Dear Davina: Please help I am not able to last more than 5 mins during sex
Dear Davina, thanks so much for your kind advice. I need some help on this matter. I am a 25year old man. When I was about six years, one of our aunts came to stay with us and she was the one who used to take care of me. At night, she would put me under her and use me to have satisfaction. With time she would pull out my something and play with it in her mouth. One day, she made me start watching blue movies with her.
She was with us till I entered boarding school at 10. When I came home on holidays, I found that she had left our house. From that time, I learnt how to masturbate and I would sneak to watch blue movies especially on the internet.
I first had sex with a girl when I was seventeen. The whole thing lasted one minute and I was very embarrassed. Since then, I find that I cannot last more than 5 minutes with a woman. Sometimes, I ejaculate immediately I penetrate the woman.
This has really embarrassed me and affected my self-esteem. I have not been able to keep a girl and I am afraid of starting a relationship with any.
What do I do
Thanks for your email.
There is a high prevalence of male rape and molestation that goes on in households that go unreported. Because Male rape isn’t like what goes on with females, people aren’t aware of the psychologically effects on the male child.
I don’t have enough information to access how much this has had an effect on you but I would go with what you have written. I would advise you to read the end part of the Dear Davina we dealt with last week. I have added it here by clicking on this link.
Now, I would deal with the general matter of lasting longer in bed. A lot of people get the erroneous belief from watching porn that they would last 1-3 hrs in bed. They forget that the porn actors are performing and what they see is a staged performance which bears no semblance with real life.
Majority of sexual encounters are 15-30 mins in length and could be satisfactory for both parties when properly handled. Of course, some sexual encounters in the right environment would last more than the hour but this is not the usual norm. A busy couple wouldn’t necessarily have all the time to be engaging in multi hour sexual feats day after day.
Having said that, there are things I need to point out to you. Because of your numerous quick ejaculations, you have developed sex anxiety. The sad part is that the more you find yourself in these situations, the more you freeze up during sex and find more occurrences of these happening.
- One of the consequences of masturbation and porn is poor bed performance. I would advise you to chill on the both of them. They are ruining your sex life
- Sex for a woman is more a journey. A woman takes a longer time to be ready for sexual fulfilment than a man. Learn how to please your woman. Get to learn more about foreplay. This is the kissing her on the mouth, touching her in certain parts of her body and stuff like that. Learn to be unselfish in sex. Try to go for the sexual satisfaction of your partner before you achieve yours. As you do so, you would find that even if you lasted just 5 mins, it doesn’t matter because the lady already has achieved climax.
- Learn how to control your desire. Take breathing exercises. During sex, count from 1-10 evenly and then count again. The breathing exercise does wonders to your stamina and helps you last longer.
- Learn to take pauses. When you feel that you are about to climax, stop and catch yourself. Wait a bit till you are able to have control again and then continue. Sometimes the stop and wait heightens the sexual experience for both parties.
- Learn to pace yourself. What triggers you and what doesn’t. Sometimes, it pays to take your mind off the act. Solve mathematics in your mind, remember an assignment you haven’t completed, walk through an exercise. Allow your mind focus on everything else minus the sex. You would be surprised at what it would do for you.
The best advice I can give is to see yourself as giving pleasure to your partner. Focus on the partner and not yourself. As your partner increasingly climaxes or achieves satisfaction, you would find yourself increase in sexual self-confidence which would eventually filter into your overall sexual performance.
TO ALL DD READERS….
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you