Dear readers, thanks for all the comments, observations and encouragements. You guys are just too much. Today I am doing something a bit different. I am publishing some responses to the Dear Davina’s I have treated recently. Several times, I do get a response to let me know how my advise helped. Usually, I would respond at the back end but today, I thought to do some rejoinders on the Dear Davina platform, so here goes.

Dear Davina, My Ex Wants To Mess Up My Engagement
Thanks so much for publishing my story on 23rd April on how my ex messed up my engagement. Thanks a lot for your wonderful advice.

I have tried to get in touch with his pastor which didn’t work out. My pastor has sent for him and he is still promising to see her. Tried calling him often as you advised but the way he responds if he manages to pick my call isn’t encouraging. Last time we talked he just said he is just been careful that I should be careful too and keep praying. That he doesn’t want my ex to start witch hunting him.

My ex is out there jubilating telling my friends that he has achieved his aim. It’s not easy though but I think am stronger now. I am tired of the whole drama. I think it’s time I walked away and be patient enough to get what I deserve or should I still be patient with him?

My Advice

Hi, I think you have tried your best. I would advise two things. First of all, don’t bother him any longer. He should be man enough to know what he wants for his future. If at this point he is still dilly-dallying, then he is likely not the man for you. Let him be.

Secondly, give yourself sometime before you get into any further relationships. If during that time, he comes around and decides he wants to continue, fine. However, if at the end of that period (I would suggest six months to a year); you find someone else, please go ahead and make your future with the new man. don’t endlessly wait for someone who doesn’t trust you enough to make up his mind. As for your ex, don’t ever consider going back to him. That boy is bad news.

Dear Davina, My Fiancee Cheated On Me. Now She Wants Me Back
Dear Davina,
Thanks. I read it and decided to give her a chance as you advised. I am currently finding ways on how to kill the memory, so it doesn’t come back to hurt me in future when I yield to marry her. I am also trying to see what to do to trust her again.I appreciate your help, Dear Davina.

My advice

forgiveness has to be full. It has to come with the ability to forget. Where you haven’t forgotten and moved on, it means that there is still some amount of unforgiveness lurking behind. This small seed can grow when nurtured and become a huge oak that would destroy your relationship later.

If you aren’t able to forget, please don’t move further as it would only get worse.

How does one forget something like this? It is tough but totally possible.
1. Have you done stuff in the past that you wished someone could forgive you for? If that is so, put yourself in reverse shoes and imagine that it is you not her needing the forgiveness. If you can forgive you, then you can forgive her.
2. What do you cherish about her? What qualities of a suitable partner do you find in her? dwell on those, amplify them and let them allow you overshadow the bad thoughts.
3. Talk to her just one more time, let her know what you are dealing with. Ask her to help you in the process and both of you work it out. After that, shut it down once and for all. When it tries to rise within you, force it down. Retrain yourself to trust her. The good thing about the mind is that it has the ability to suppress bad incidents if we choose it to. However, know that it would take some time.
4. resist the urge to keep suspecting her, for example, calling her up every now and then; imagining she is lying to you; or always seeking reassurances of her love for you. Once a relationship has entered that phase, it has becomes toxic and should be immediately discontinued.

I hope this helps. If I answered you before and you want a rejoinder please write. I would take fresh rejoinders now and then.

much love,
Davina
____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

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