Hi Dear Davina,
I’m Obed from Ghana. I have been dating this girl for a year now. she doesn’t want anybody to know we are in a relationship claiming because she is a student and I’m her tutor. I found out recently that she cheated on me. When I asked her about she admitted but said nothing when I asked her why.
Now, she is begging me to forgive her. What should I do?
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My two cents…
Obed, Obed… hmmmmmm. Thanks so very much for your letter. First of all, we need to deal with your letter from several dimensions.
1. she is a student and you are her tutor
I hope you realise that everything is wrong with this sort of relationship. In other parts of the world, What you are doing would be considered as rape. Even if the lady in question agreed in principle to go out with you, it is ethically wrong for you to allow it. For all we know, she agreed to a relationship with you out of fear of retribution. Your story might be different but the world would take it differently. The bottom line is that as a lecturer, you can’t date your student.
2. She Doesn’t want people to know you are in a relationship
She obviously is uncomfortable with the relationship hence she is making all efforts to hide it away from folks. If she was happy with it, she would flaunt it. The fact she is hiding it, tells it all.
Dear Obed, Please walk away from the girl and the relationship as fast as you can. It is totally wrong. It is quite obvious that the lady is in an uncomfortable place. She might just be afraid of what you can do to her in your position as her lecturer and that is why she is begging you.
It is very obvious she doesn’t love you. If she did, she wouldn’t be hiding your relationship with her, neither would she be cheating on you.
I am not sure but there should be some form of code of conduct at your school regulating the kind of relationship lecturers and students can have. If there is, you must have breached them. You might want to report yourself to the authorities ahead of time because you have opened yourself up to some sort of backlash.
I hope this helps.
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