Dear Davina,

I’m not really a fan of social media help or confiding in someone but now I just need someone to talk to. I need to pour out my sorrows. Seriously, I’m heartbroken. You know that feeling people talk about when they’re heart-broken…. Well, I used to call them stupid so it’s funny that I’m feeling the same way now.

Lets just call her, “J”. I met J in school 6 years ago, when I was a chronic player. She changed me completely; every bad thing about me. I just wanted to be good because of her. I however didn’t stop flirting until a year into our relationship.

We started a new life together… I was faithful, she was totally & extremely faithful and innocent. We dated for 4 years without sex (mind you, it was not a distant relationship, we saw everyday). I took her virginity just last year. Long story cut short, I noticed she started becoming very close to this guy at work. They’d chat everyday, go to work together, play and he stayed in her house sometimes. She said they were doing office work….. They did everything together. I confronted her but she always stressed that ‘Mr. A’ was just her friend & nothing more but my instinct knew something was up. We had so many quarrels and break-ups because of this guy. I eventually just decided to let her be.

Read also: I always have to say ‘Sorry’, even when he’s the one at fault!

Just yesterday, she came and confessed to me what really happened btw she and Mr. A….. How they had sex once; their romantic adventures…… That she just lusted after him. She cried & begged for forgiveness, saying she had ended everything (the funny thing was that I never gave her any reason to cheat, that period. I showed her unconditional love and care).

Anyway, I forgave her but told her to give me a little space. I know I’ll find it hard leaving this girl because we’ve gotten used to each other. We’ve been together for 6yrs now and we’re addicted to each other but how can I get to trust her again???? I can swear that this girl has been purely faithful to me, until now…….
Read Also: HE left me for my best friend because I refused to give up my virginity. Is something wrong with me?
Sincerely, my soul has literally departed from me and I know the thought of her in another man’s arms will haunt me forever. I just feel like dying. I’ve lost interest in things I used to do before!!! I love her so much, it hurts. I act as if I’m not hurting in front of her but I’m dying inside. This is my first time being brokenhearted..

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My 2-Cents:

Trust me, I know how this can hurt and I understand to a large extent how you must be feeling. Being on the receiving end of the cheating experience is never a nice thing. The pain, hurt and sense of betrayal can’t be described. It’s even worse when you’re sure you’ve done everything right in the relationship and have seemingly given your spouse no reason to step out.

But my dear, Sh** happens. It’s sad but these things happen. Just like you would expect forgiveness if it was you in this position, forgive your girlfriend truly and move on! I am not saying this because I’m a girl; it’s actually the same counsel I would give your girlfriend if you were the one that cheated. She made a mistake, one that she apparently isn’t proud of. She confessed and she’s learned a thing or two. Focus on how to make the relationship work for you both. Look at how this can make your bond stronger and hopefully, somewhere down the line, you two will be able to look back and tease each other about it.

Read also: I am scared of telling my boyfriend that I’m 3 years older than him

Don’t be too hard on yourself, she loves you and you love her too. Forgive your girl and embrace her again. It will be pretty difficult for you but you can do it. I know this because I have seen it happen before. I have seen couples bounce back from incidents like this, whether it was the man or the woman who cheated. What I have learnt is that Forgiveness is a choice. It’s something you decide to do, despite how much it hurts. It can be a tough choice but it makes you a better person.

May I also advice that you two should sit down, hold hands and pray with/for each other? ‎You will be amazed how much of a difference this will make.

I believe in you both.
Much Love
Davina

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TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your “Dear Davina’ letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is ‘for my eyes only’ and I promise complete anonymity where I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you…

xoxoxoxoxo

Davina

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A Psychologist by training, I love to help people make sense of their unique circumstances and sort through their issues. I realize that relationship issues and matters of the heart can be quite daunting when there's no one to talk to so at Davina Diaries, I play the "Love Doctor" - You talk, I listen and We work it out together.

16 COMMENTS

  1. U should try an forgive her. Just give her another chance, i believe if she have d fear of God,she will change,and will never do such a tin again!

  2. If she willfully confess to you, them you have no option than to forgive and ask her never to try that again. After all if you have opportunity, you’ll do the same.

  3. Provided she will not go back to her secret lovers you must forgive with a condition. Which is she must change her tel no and phone to avoid return match.

  4. You know say arm robber dey fear gun well well? But he robs ? Check your records then decide what next to do. It is from creation. Eve cheated on Adam, they reconciled and moved on and the reason you exist today.

  5. pls dear poster am sorry on her behalf. she cheat yes she cheat and confess to you and ask you to forgive her pls forgive her. for her to take this bold step and confess to you she need to be forgiven I know she can’t do that again. once again am sorry on her behalf

  6. if she changes her tel Num won’t they meet at work??? he just have to forgive and gve her a 2nd chance buh same act is repeated then let her go.

  7. Please forgive her. We all make mistakes at one point or the other in life, what matters is acknowledging our mistakes and turning a new life. She cheated…. yes but confessed to you to forgive her. It hurts when we are cheated on but you have to put your broken heart together, make your relationship work. Since the love is still there, don’t let a little mistake destroy what you both have shared and built for 6years.

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