Another day, another Dear Davina. I would like to know your opinions on our Dear Davina column. Is there something more you would want us to add or change? If you notice, we changed the format of the column a while ago. I would like to know your thoughts as we want to keep improving on the Dear Davina column.

Today, I want to look again at when a partner takes the other for granted and continuously cheats on them. It is easy to dismiss when it is a man that is the cheating partner but then what causes a woman to continuously cheat on her partner even when the partner is faithful to her. I would like us to have this discussion both here or on Facebook. I am interested in a number of things one of which is why would a girl cheat on her Bf? What are the things that make a girl cheat? Your thoughts are highly anticipated. Please take time to read some of our older dear Davina as well as some of our Davina Diaries articles. 

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Dear Davina, She Keeps Cheating On Me, What Do I Do?

Dear Davina,
I have been with my current girlfriend for at least one and a half years and now am the most bitter and confused person I have ever met pls help me.

Prior to meeting with my current girlfriend, I had had a trust issue in my previous relationship which ended up in a break up hence I promised myself never to let anything like that ever happen again. I spent 2 and a half years out of all forms of relationships just so that I don’t walk into a new one with the pain from the previous one.

Fast forwarding to about 3months into my current relationship I got to know that she is dating a married man, another guy outside the country and myself at the same time and that day I wasn’t shocked or hurt I had already convinced myself that my current relationship was going to be the last hence nothing was going to break me.

I approached her and she got pissed off and started asking why I’m all over her business. She left my place and broke up with me the second she got home.

I wasn’t willing nor ready to give up on the promise I made to myself that this relationship is my last, so I went over to her and asked her to stay and then stay away from the married man and the other guy whom she knew very well didn’t love her. She agreed and apologized and we came back again.

Dear Davina, However, between this incident and December 2017 it has been crazy; from sending nude pictures of herself to a guy she calls just a friend; to running to the married man again and again, to running to the burger when he came to Ghana in December, discussing sex for money with some man she knew through a friend from her work, to the fact that her contact always has new male contacts who are just friends until all of a sudden they start talking sex with her.

In March this year, she finally found a job in Accra after her national service and left my place. Before she left for Accra she began to tell me she has changed and she is very sorry for everything she made me go through. I really loved that something real is going to happen now but for some time my instinct has been shouting on my conscience that she is even worse now.

The real problem is me. I am no longer the person I was anymore, I feel so much hatred towards her, she easily gets me angry, nothing she does pleases me. I want to love her even if she is broken, but it feels like I have become so broken myself I cant overlook the things she does any longer.

Dear Davina, Please I really need help, my instinct screams; run for your life but I don’t want to, I really wish I can love her the way I had before all this anger and pain and disappointment stained my soul.
Thank you for helping.

My two cents…

Hi Richard,

thanks for the mail. I truly feel your pain.
going straight to the point, there is something fundamentally wrong in this relationship and I am going to deal with it soon. I tend to look at stuff beyond what people are telling me and the question here is why is this lady such a rampant cheat?

It is very obvious that she is rubbing her relationships in your face without a care as to what your feelings are. This is what bothers me because in most relationships I know, people hide these things. I believe the problem is with you.

My advice…

First of all, break off from this relationship. It is not a relationship it is abuse. If what you truly have said is true and she has behaved in this way, she truly has no value for you. Let her go she isn’t about to change and she would not change. Even if she is willing to change, too much water has passed under the bridge and your heart can’t be the same towards her. I don’t see you having the ability to deal with her past atrocities and unfaithfulness.

The real question comes to you and what you are not providing in the relationship. Women behave the way your gf does where the sex isn’t good enough or non-existent, where the guy is cheating on her, not paying proper attention or where the guy is so broke that he shouldn’t even be in a relationship. Someone should be hiding to cheat and not rubbing the cheating in the face of her partner. Her doing this means that you are of no value to her.

There is something vital you aren’t providing in this relationship. I think it figures around sex, money, and attention. It could be that you are very boring and have no clue how to keep a lady.

The good news is that all this can be helped. Maybe you want to ask your lady what your failings are in the relationship, find them and deal with them. Take time and work on yourself. If you are getting this kind of treatment from a lady or ladies, it really isn’t worth it being in a relationship as you would always be burned.

Get some help. It doesn’t mean that you would need to change all that you are. It means that you would have to add to what you already are and become a better person. Working on oneself refers to self-improvement and development. Improving your intellect, your knowledge. Working on your self-brand and determining the person you want to be.

Ask people you admire to give an honest assessment of you. Take that assessment and work on yourself. When you feel it is time, you can start another relationship but for now, until you have done what I suggest, I would advise you stay off relationships as they might not quite work out for you.

I hope this help

____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

4 COMMENTS

  1. Please break up and rediscover yourself again before you have blood on your hands. It’s a not a do or die affair.
    She s cheating you are not and you can’t deal with it, please move on. Please

  2. Jay;
    A relationships has phases or transitions I call Morning, Afternoon , and Evening. In the morning there’s all the excitements which heightens to the afternoon where you’ve decided that it is worth solidifying into marriage.

    When you’re lucky to detect something that does not urger well for the future better quit. But if you don’t and you transition into the afternoon and that same thing persists and you don’t quit but gets into the evening quitting becomes difficult because you would be thinking about what people would say about you.

    But remember when bad things happen to you in the day it is better than in the evening where night is just around the corner.

    Run for your life before night falls my dear. You will live to regret it if you stay thinking things will change in the evening when they didn’t change even in the afternoon.

  3. Aids is real my dear Richard, aids and other sexually transmitted diseases are real. Please the two of you are not married yet so break it off. You find someone who values and respects you.

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