Another beautiful day, Another Dear Davina. Thanks so much for your comments and contributions. Today’s Dear Davina deals with a subject that we are familiar with – the comeback bf or gf. You have this guy or girl who leaves you and then wants to come back…. usually when you have moved on with someone else. How do you deal with that? I really would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

Please take your time and read our previous Dear Davina and also some of the great articles we have on Davina Diaries. Ross has started this beautiful series on sexual molestation which you can find here. Let’s read and lend our voices to ending this menace.

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Dear Davina, She left, Now She Wants Me Back But I have A New GF

Dear Davina,
my name is Ben, I was in a relationship with a girl for two years. One day we had a misunderstanding and she left me saying it’s over. My parents being aware of our relationship called her in order to settle the dispute but she boldly told them she didn’t love me, that she was in it just to make me happy,

Dear Davina, I was badly hurt because I really love her. She had even cheated on me before but I forgave her because I love her. I tried all I could but she won’t mind me. She is a nurse and I am in my third year at the university so I felt maybe she had found someone who is ready to marry her while I am not ready.

Anyways, three months later I decide to move on. I started proposing to a girl in my neighborhood but she didn’t accept as she just had a breakup. I, however, persuaded her till she accepted and we started going out and everything was ok.

Two months into that relationship, my ex came over saying she came for her dresses which she had left in my place. Soon after she came, she started seducing me and all of a sudden we ended up in bed. After that, she pleaded with me to accept her back forgetting I am with someone else. I quickly accepted because I deeply love her. She stayed with me for 5 days.

During the five day period, I avoided seeing my new girl but one day, she came over and caught us. Now she’s mad at me because I deceived her, especially after she had told me all that she had gone through in her previous relationship. Even though I promised her heaven and earth, I failed. Her mum too says she is soo disappointed me.

Dear Davina, I feel very bad anytime I see her cause I know she loves me but I betrayed her and my ex too that I love, I am scared she will leave me again. what should I do?

My two cents…

Hi loverboy Ben, hmmmmmm. This is a tough one.
first of all, you have done a grievous harm by breaking your word to your new girl. I think you were extremely selfish in this matter and were thinking only of yourself. Yes, I know it is tough to resist the lure of a lover but you should also have considered the fragility of the girl’s heart.

I mean, you were aware of the recent pain she had gone through, she pleaded with you to leave her alone, wooed her and then dumped her just when she was warming up to you. Imagine how this lady would fare if someone genuine comes along. I am not saying that your initial intentions were not genuine but at the point of testing your resolve, you should have had it in your mind when you were succumbing to the seducing or even after the seduction.

As regards your ex who I guess is no longer ex, that is a tough call. It is likely that after leaving you, she might have realised what she was missing out on. That happens. On the other hand, it might just be a power play on her part.

You all seem to live in a closely knit society where everyone knows everyone. I mean, your parents know your ex and likely your new GF as well. Your new Gf’s mother knows you as well as your relationship with her daughter. It is likely as well that your ex would have known when you started with your new Gf.

It is likely that all she wants is to prove a point and ruin this new relationship at the same time, it is likely that she really truly realised what a good and terrific guy you are and decided to come back.

You sound like one of those kids that we call ajebo in Nigeria. I don’t have the Ghanian equivalent of the word. I mean, your different parents are kinda all involved in your relationships etc. Sounds like
one of those things we see in American sitcoms.

My advice…

This is one of those Dear Davina that I am not as confident to give a definite advice on because it is really your call.
Let’s examine your choices
1. go back to new gf and say you are sorry. She might eventually forgive you but you know your heart is with someone else. All the other lady has to do is turn up the shades of seduction and you are good to go.
2. Go on with ex as it is. You are in lover’s bliss but at the back of your head, there is a smoking gun hanging over the relationship.

I would suggest that you get your parents to talk with ex and find out if she really wants to stay. Mum’s have a way of sniffing out genuine and I am sure your mum can help out in this.

However, my thoughts really are that a 3rd-year university student should be more focused on his education, his life choices and his future and less about this drama you are involving yourself in. But then, you are an ajebo and I have been called a prude several times so this is what it is.

I hope this help
Davina

____________________________
TO ALL DD READERS…
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you
xoxoxoxoxo
Davina

4 COMMENTS

  1. Please love your new girl and forget about the old one. You did all you could to save your relationship with her; you forgave her even after she cheated on you; your parents tried to settle the misunderstanding between you two, yet she chose to leave. She confessed with her mouth that she doesn’t love you. What other proof do you need that this girl doesn’t love you. Have you ever thought to yourself why she returned?
    Please don’t add salt to the injury of your innocent new girlfriend, she does’t deserve it. And remember, you were the one who persuaded her to be with you; now that she has accepted you, you want to leave her. I don’t think that’s fair to her. Make her happy and see the difference.

  2. I think you are one of such people that like getting hurt. Anything or anyone that is easily available to you, becomes cheap to you. So, instead of facing your studies, you are distracted, looking for the elusive and perfect romance and not worried if you hurt someone or yourself. I suggest you discuss with your parents and, in your own Interest, ask for and follow their advice.

  3. The way she left you when you had the misunderstanding will equally be same way she will when married properly, so be wise.

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