hmmmmmm, many many matters have been abounding. I am truly sorry I haven’t been updating my column, we had several backend issues which we are solving with speed. I have been responding privately and on Facebook. I promise to constantly update you guys moving forward.
I have 3 episodes this week and we kick off with the one below which kind of strikes a chord with me.
I would like to hear your opinions and read your comments and feedback as these give a wider perspective to the cases. maybe you can share your personal experiences.
thanks so much for your column. I am a regular reader and it sure helps. I hope you get to publish this letter of mine.
Three years ago, my sister fell sick from cancer. I had to go stay with her and her husband so as to help look after their 2 kids. She got worse and eventually died eight months after I got there. It was very devastating and I couldn’t leave the kids or the family so I stayed a little while.
Late last year, I noticed that a relationship was forming between me and her husband but there wasn’t anything physical. A few months ago he asked me to marry him and I later found that he had the support of my parents.
I like him and I have grown fond of the kids but it for me, it would be as if I would just be walking in my sister’s shoes. I have always looked forward to starting my own family. Please help.
first of all, thank you for your mail. Thank you also for the time you gave in making your sister’s life easier towards her end. You never realise how much that helped.
I see the dilemma you are going through. It might look easy from outside but it really means a lot stepping into someone else’s life. Several people could accuse you both of having a relationship before she died and blah blah blah.
- really, it is pretty much your life and how you choose to live it. Choices are a personal responsibility and you shouldn’t focus on people’s opinion.
- having said that, I don’t see anything wrong with marrying him if you both have compatibility especially as your family seems down with it.
- You need to, however, understand that there is an adjustment period within which you would have to live in your sister’s shadows. I don’t know how long they have been married but there would be many reminders of your sister not just around the house but from friends, property and several other things.
- you would both need to have a talk and see how you can accommodate your innate desires. for example, you might want to have other children. Allow him to communicate reassurances to you.
- that being done, go for it girl! and live life to the fullest
Much Love, Davina
TO ALL DD READERS….
You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.
I look forward to hearing from you