Hello folks,

hmmmmmm, many many matters have been abounding. I am truly sorry I haven’t been updating my column, we had several backend issues which we are solving with speed. I have been responding privately and on Facebook. I promise to constantly update you guys moving forward.

I have 3 episodes this week and we kick off with the one below which kind of strikes a chord with me.

I would like to hear your opinions and read your comments and feedback as these give a wider perspective to the cases. maybe you can share your personal experiences.

Dear Davina,

thanks so much for your column. I am a regular reader and it sure helps. I hope you get to publish this letter of mine.

Three years ago, my sister fell sick from cancer. I had to go stay with her and her husband so as to help look after their 2 kids. She got worse and eventually died eight months after I got there. It was very devastating and I couldn’t leave the kids or the family so I stayed a little while.

Late last year, I noticed that a relationship was forming between me and her husband but there wasn’t anything physical. A few months ago he asked me to marry him and I later found that he had the support of my parents.

I like him and I have grown fond of the kids but it for me, it would be as if I would just be walking in my sister’s shoes. I have always looked forward to starting my own family. Please help.

Deborah

 

My 2-Cents:

 

Hello Deborah,

first of all, thank you for your mail. Thank you also for the time you gave in making your sister’s life easier towards her end. You never realise how much that helped.

I see the dilemma you are going through. It might look easy from outside but it really means a lot stepping into someone else’s life. Several people could accuse you both of having a relationship before she died and blah blah blah.

 

My advice

  1. really, it is pretty much your life and how you choose to live it. Choices are a personal responsibility and you shouldn’t focus on people’s opinion.
  2. having said that, I don’t see anything wrong with marrying him if you both have compatibility especially as your family seems down with it.
  3. You need to, however, understand that there is an adjustment period within which you would have to live in your sister’s shadows. I don’t know how long they have been married but there would be many reminders of your sister not just around the house but from friends, property and several other things.
  4. you would both need to have a talk and see how you can accommodate your innate desires. for example, you might want to have other children. Allow him to communicate reassurances to you.
  5. that being done, go for it girl! and live life to the fullest

Much Love, Davina

________________________________________________________________________________

TO ALL DD READERS….

You can send your Dear Davina letters to me directly @ davina.r@davinadiaries.com. I assure you whatever you send to this mailbox is for my eyes only and I promise complete anonymity when I decide to publish your letter.

I look forward to hearing from you

xoxoxoxoxo

Davina

 

 

4 COMMENTS

  1. So he wants to marry you and you’re giving it serious thought? Well, technically there’s nothing wrong or immoral in marrying your sister’s widower but I’d like you to be sure it is what you truly want.
    For starters, you will be expected to “be your sister” for a while. You may feel like you’re living her life and not your own. And no matter how close you both were I know there are differences between you two and you must be prepared to assert yourself and be you.

    On the other hand you could find real happiness with him and he may grow to love you for who you are.

    All the best

  2. Hmmm this is a tough one. I personally i wouldn’t… but know that whatever decisions you make it wouldn’t be a walk in the park. (Even if you decide to leave him and move on you’ll be walking away from possibilities you’ve built up in your head)… However, this will be an easier (and yea better option in my opinion).

    You know your story best, weigh the options thoroughly and go with what ultimately feels right

  3. I think the real question here is will you be happy going through with this?
    There might be strong connection between you two but you must surely know it’s not going to be easy, because you are your own person, and taking on someone else’s character for a while might be extremely trying.
    But if it’s what you want and you feel you can handle it, I don’t see why not. On the other hand, if you agree to go with it just because of external opinions, it won’t last, and it’s the children that will suffer Mostly from it.
    It requires a lot of thought.

  4. In my own opinion, I would think that the man might not actually be in love with the lady but since she was all they had during the trying period he might have hone fond of her and mistake it for love. Give it time and distance(if possible ) to know if this is actually love or being with someone in one’s comfort zone.

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