Dear Reader, I know we have dealt with this issue in previous dear Davina articles. However, this matter is a key one in relationship issues. Everyone is faced with the burden of making the right relationship choices. The right or wrong relationship choice can make or break you.
Relationships are an investment of your time, energy and personality. You don’t want to find yourself making that investment in the wrong person and finding that it was all a wasted investment.
So it means that this would always be a reoccurring decimal in all relationship decisions – how to make the right choice from several possible partners. Trust me, several of us have had to cross that bridge and it isn’t as simple and straightforward as you would assume.
You can read the similar Dear Davina’s that dealt with this by clicking on the blue sentences. I have tried to put a number of them here as a guide. There are also some other articles we have on Davina Diaries that would help. Please take time to make your comments. I would really love to hear your thoughts.
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my name is Eunice and I am 24yrs old. I have really gone through a lot of stress in my past relationships and I have had my share of disappointments. What makes me happy though is I never had sex with anyone in my previous relationships.
Dear Davina, pls, I currently have two guys in my life. One is very caring and does anything I ask him to do but I don’t love him. He has really been of great help financially. My mum had been my financial support prior to my meeting this guy. She had however lost her job prior to our relationship and he has been quite responsive and supportive ever since.
Dear Davina, pls my problem here is, I don’t really love him, I have tried for the relationship to work but to no avail. One thing about him also is, he lies to me indirectly most of the time. I got to know that he chats with his ex-girl privately after he had finished chatting and sharing love messages with me. I prompted him but he denied and that keeps me in suspense whenever we communicate.
The other guy too whom I also am interested in too is very proud because he comes from a rich home. I decided to ignore him since I thought I wasn’t at his level but this is a different thing altogether. Sometimes I wonder if he is trying to test me or what, because he can be friendly sometimes and be unfriendly sometimes.
I have also noticed when I’m not around he doesn’t feel ok. He can check up on me from morning to evening but when I’m around he behaves as if he doesn’t care about me.
I’m really confused because I have never had happiness in any relationship I go in. God has really created me well and given me all the qualities a woman could have so I don’t really know why I have to go through all these. I’m not a spoilt girl because I know what I want to achieve in life. In fact, I am a very good Christian which I was trained to be.
I work to earn a monthly salary which would at least take care of me so I don’t depend on a guy for money or shelter but I need someone who will truly love me so I can have a little peace of mind.
My two cents…
I seriously feel you my sista. I am pretty sure that many of us have had to pass through this bridge and dilemma before. Trust me, that choice isn’t quite as easy and obvious as some people would make out that it is.
A woman’s time clock isn’t the same as a man. While a woman is considered to be in the latter years of her marriageable life at 32, a man is considered to just be in his prime. That is why relationship decisions are more crucial for a woman than for a man.
I mean a guy can date a girl for 7 years and yet walk away with not much of a dent but for a girl, those 7 years mean a whole lot. So I truly understand your challenges.
At 24, I think you should actually just be getting into the serious dating game. Anything before then would just be playing around and feeling the waters. You should not use those past experiences to judge the quality of your relationships. If you started dating at 18-21, I don’t believe you or the guy would have had enough sense of what you needed nor have had the discipline necessary to sustain a viable relationship. I would discount those relationships as childish moves and move on.
Struggling with a relationship is usually a sign that you should drop and walk away from that relationship especially if you have trust issues in that relationship. Relationships are based on trust and where that trust is non-existent or threatened, it is like poison introduced to the relationship.
It is also not advisable to continue a relationship based on appreciation or a sense of gratitude. There should be more. So if you are in a relationship with Mr A just because of his past financial support, trust me, it wouldn’t work. As you have proclaimed, you don’t love him neither do you trust him. I really don’t advice that you continue to stick with the relationship as it would only get worse and more complicated.
Now to lover boy number 2.
This is one area you might want to explore. He obviously has feelings for you and you seem reciprocal to that. Not all “rich” people are as secure as you think they are. His pride could be an outward display of inner insecurity.
It is also possible that he is aware of your relationship with the other guy and is sidestepping so as not to be hurt. I would advise that both of you have a proper sit down and address your feelings towards each other.
Get him to be plain and straightforward and let you know exactly what he wants and take a move from there. Let him understand that you are not at the point when you want to be doing a “snake in the monkey shadow” type of relationship. He should be matured enough to say what he wants. If he is able to communicate a desire and truly wants a relationship, go with him. Where he is still being elusive, Move on girl!!. It is your life and at this point, you shouldn’t be spending it on time wasters.
As you have said, God created you on early on Friday when He was still fresh and there was plenty of creation materials to go around. Stick to that confidence and work more on developing yourself to be the best of who you want to be. Trust me, Mr right would come knocking on your door. It is just a matter of time.
I hope this help
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