Good day dear Ross, I am a 35 years old lady, a mum of 2 lovely kids but I’m currently separated from my husband. We are not divorced yet as he is still begging me not to go through with the divorce.

My husband hurt me really bad, he dragged my reputation in the mud and worse is that he kept blaming the devil for what he did instead of taking responsibility for his action.

I married a gentleman which makes me wonder how we got here and what made him do what he did.

We were University sweethearts, we got married 4 years after we both graduated as luck smiled on us and we were able to do well in our chosen careers. We were soul mates, we knew each other like the back of our palms.

I took in almost immediately we got married and it threatened my career, so when my maternity leave was over, Hubby and I decided to get a house help who was experienced with kids. Thankfully we got one who was also a mother and she would take care of our baby while I was at work and would leave once I got back from work.

I actually never liked the idea of a live-in nanny or help, so I was very comfortable with the arrangement I had with my help. She was with us till I had my second baby and resigned afterwards on the grounds that she wanted to relocate to her village.

After she resigned, I had trouble finding a suitable help like her, I spent months searching. So eventually, I settled for a live-in maid as my children were becoming more demanding for attention and my career also became more demanding due to the promotion I got as a branch manager.

Hello Ross, having spent 11 years as “the other Woman”, What’s Next

A friend helped me in getting the new help from an agent and everything seemed to be fine. Even my hubby stopped complaining about how much time I put into my job than family. I also knew I had to do something about my unavailability at home and was working towards quitting my 9-5 job soon to face my home and business. Then something happened………..

One public holiday morning, I sat to have breakfast with my family, glad to be spending time with them when something funny and off the chart took place while we were at the dining table.

My husband asked our help to get him more egg serving from the kitchen, but I noticed he kept calling her and she ignored him. He called her name and she ignored until I called her, then asked her to get me more eggs from the kitchen, it took her a long time to deliver, so my husband stood up to go check what was keeping her.

Moments later, I began to hear voices and then struggles like two people in a fight. Bewildered, I ran into the kitchen only to see my help fighting my husband while he was just busy holding her down without retaliating.

I was shocked at the scene that confronted me as I would have expected my husband to slap the living day light out of her for daring to be so disrespectful.

Enraged, I then pounced on the help and gave her the beating of her life for disrespecting my husband. Still angered by her act, I also asked her to pack her things and leave my house.

Lo and behold, my husband began to beg on my help’s behalf, saying she might be depressed and going through something we were unaware of, which maybe the reason she acted that way, he pleaded that I should forgive her as he had forgiven her.

Forgive her?! Our maid disrespected my husband in my very presence and all he had to say was that I should forgive her. I refused to listen to him and insisted that she leaves but my husband kept begging. It was as though his life depended on her staying in the house.

I was perplexed and worried.

Hubby now went further to say that even if we were to send her out of the house, it shouldn’t be at that time, he pleaded that we give her a little more time.

Then I became suspicious: Why would my husband plead the cause of a housemaid who disrespected him that much? Could my husband be sleeping with my house help?

Then I thought about the guts the girl had to fight him and the fact that he did nothing to reprimand her. It was all too overwhelming for me to take in at once.

Yes, I know my husband was a perfect gentleman who has never raised his hands on any woman or even kids, but this act of his got me really worried.

I called my friend who got me the maid and reported what happened to her. She immediately raised an alarm that got me worried the more. She then told me to let her know the moment my husband goes out of the house so she could have some privacy with the maid and I did.
On getting to my house, my friend began to threaten my maid with all sorts of words and torture for her to tell us why she disrespected my husband. After much threats and occasional torture, my maid began to open up and I wish she didn’t.

She confessed how my husband had sex with her severally in my absence and even claimed to be pregnant which was what put a strain to their relationship, hence the quarrel they had.
I think I fainted or something like that. My friend managed to revive me and I was still sweating all over. How could my darling husband do this to me? How could he stoop so low as to impregnating our help.

My friend immediately asked my maid to pack her belongings telling her she had done enough havoc in one family. several hours later, hubby wasn’t yet back when I got a call from my friend, she told me she took the maid to a doctor and got her examined and it was confirmed she was 5 weeks pregnant. She then told me the shocking part where she asked the doctor to get rid of the pregnancy.

I started crying again, I felt guilty of murdering an innocent child even though I never asked my friend to do it, she did it for me. I didn’t know whether to thank her or not, I knew she was only looking out for my best interest. When I kept silent for a long time, she told me not to worry, that I will be glad she got rid of it later and hung up.

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Hubby came in later and met me mopping at the wall with blood shot eyes, he immediately sensed what had happened went in to look for the maid and when he couldn’t find her or her things, he asked our eldest son who told him the help had left with a big box.

He came to where I was a seated and the first thing he said was where is the maid? At that moment I didn’t know what came over me for I took the bottle of MacDowell which I was drinking from and flung it at him aiming for his head but it missed and got smashed against the wall.

Terrified at what would have happened had I not missed my target, I ran for the room and locked myself in.

My husband knocked severally on the door but I didn’t open. That was the beginning of our separation. Something snapped in me that day. I felt betrayed, humiliated, disgraced that my husband was ready to put our marriage and happiness in jeopardy because of a filthy maid and lust.

He can’t say I do not carry out my duties as a wife. I never thought he was so sex starved to have slept with a maid and I wondered who else he was sleeping with outside our home. The love, trust, and respect I had for him died that day and he knew it.

Weeks later, we were still engaged in a cold war, no one spoke to each other, my husband took out his clothes from the room we shared and moved to the guest room.

I didn’t bother to involve our families and he didn’t as well. I kept thinking I would heal and come to forgive him but I haven’t still come around to doing that yet.  I don’t know if I would ever be able to live with a cheating man for the rest of my life, so I filed for divorce.

33 COMMENTS

  1. Career women.Always placing your work first before family and now see where it landed you. Maybe you didn’t starve your hubby sexually but you did emotionally. Why did you allow your friend to abort that baby? Couldn’t you have stopped her and how are you so sure she isn’t sleeping with your hubby too.

    • Oh please don’t start the career talk. Stay at home moms that it happens to was it career that made their husband impregnate the maid??? Stop making excuses for a man that has refused to take responsibility for his silly action Biko.

      • You got it right. It’s no excuse. If he wasn’t satisfied with her career he could have told her and give her a choice

    • The men that put in more time to their work don’t come home to babies fathered by the gatemen and drivers..
      Be less judgemental

    • Please don’t blame her for anything, if you like don’t work a cheat is cheat. I perceive you are that house help type God will expose you hiss

    • Ure so harsh in your judgment. If she were your sister I guess you’d be more compassionate. Why could the man not find solace elsewhere?

    • Hmmmmm…..if she were to be a stay at home mum, same could have happened…. Was he also not enjoying the pay packet. He betrayed her trust but the situation is not yet bad. If he could admit, let them come together again

    • Is the husband a little baby? Pls stop the habit of blaming victims. The wife should have given up her life and development abi, so that 10 years from then, she would have started living in regret? Pls let’s encourage every adult to take full responsibility for their actions/inactions.

  2. first of all i wished to appreciate your sincerity in telling this story, and i believed both parties are reaping the consequence of their messes, its not easy for hubby also, he has lost his integrity, the family love and you also, cos i perceived you’re a good wife and the betrayal, emotional trauma and hurts you feel right now should be the consequences of the emotional, sex, attention or whatever you starved your husband from that made him do that. my candid advice, go back to that marriage at least for the sake of the kids, every family member) raising kids in a broken home is a privilege you shouldn’t deny those kids from esp in circumstance that could be controlled like this.

    • It’s not about her starving the husband. It’s about him lacking self control. As an adult male who got into marital vows without coercion it is his responsibility to keep the vows. Anytime there’s a problem in a marriage men quickly rise to the defense of their own. The man messed up big time and we need to say it boldly. If it was the woman that cheated no one would say it is the man’s lack of attention that caused it.

  3. My advice work on forgiving your husband. I understand the emotions, the betrayer.forgive him and stay in your marriage. God will help with the healing.

  4. I really sympathise with ur situation but did he feel sorry and apologize for his misdeed? but I think you acted hastily by filling for divorce.

  5. Hhmmm, I’m trying to imagine if my wife did that to me. It has happened and whether you divorce or not, you’ll still remember the incident and the pain for a very long time whether you remarry or not. Get healed by going for counselling from a spiritual marriage counsellor. Don’t divorce your beloved hubby. All men behave the same way when they get close contact with young ladies especially the unmarried ones… Its difficult but forgive him. May the Lord help you….Men are generally greedy and lustful when young ladies get closer to them and especially when both are alone.

  6. We career women need to live a balance life. As much as we climb high we must not forget our responsibilities as wives remains same. Deliberately make time for ur husbands. But dear ur decision to forgive him is ur choice. Learn to let go. Remember the lords prayer. Forgive us our sins even as we forgive…. Don’t be hasty to take any decision now that u are hurt. You can let go of the pain and forgivehim if u want to and I know u can. I wish u all the best in ur decision. U must be ready to live with the consequences of this decision u taken. May the Holy Spirit led u. Jesus is standing at the door of ur heart knocking and waiting for u to open Him so He will calm every storm in ur life. Give Him that chance.

  7. Is it that people didnt read the story at all they chose to overlook it?

    I am afraid to assume that people think it is normal behavior.

    What right did both her and her friend have to torture the maid????? Simply because her husband could not zip up? Then they torture the maid who was clearly sexually abused by her husband???

    She and her friend should be facing jail. And the doctor who performed the abortion.

    In addition to the owner of this blog for condoning the abuse and torture of househelps.

    Gosh! We are worse than the white slave masters in the old sugar plantations.

    • i agree..she should have tortured her husband rather to talk buy some means …the girl probably was forced into it..its the man she married after all.

  8. Reading this story and the comments has made me very upset and sad at same time.

    No one here is even concerned about the maid who her husband sexually abused, then was tortured, driven away and made to undergo forced abortion!!!! Not even the bible people preaching holy spirit and healing.

    No one has asked how old the maid was to have undergone all this psychological trauma! Imagine her life going forward- the shame and disgrace that would forever follow her lowly state!

    If she hasnt killed herself by now.

    Gosh!!!!

  9. Your choice of words are very demeaning. Maids are humans too. She came to work but it’s your husband who slept with her. Rather than calling her filthy, you should have concentrated on securing your marriage. No man is an angel and It’s wrong what he did. You can either live as a single parent or Forgive and move on with your lives. The choice is yours.

  10. What happened to be the maid was a forced abortion, there are better ways all parties could have reached an agreement . I guess your husband would have never allowed an abortion for the maid.

  11. Madam u need more forgiveness than your husband need it.you tortured and forcefuly aborted her child you even have the right to call her names while your pig is in the other room.you blame the dirty water instead of blaming the pig that decided to swim in it.I hope God comfort the maid and keep her safe from wicked ppl like you,your husband and ur friend in the future.

  12. the truth is, this woman is very strict on the house maid, she is selfish, egocentric and self centered. it is all about herself, children, husband and work. The husband and the maid had an argument and she pounc on the maid to beat her. Let her marry her work. She must have starved the husband sexually.

  13. When you have to work 9-5 and allow the maid take charge, what else? Serves you right. It would have been more traumatic if the baby was alive. Just go back to your home, and reconcile with your husband and tie up the lose ends. You can heal from this and have inner peace.

    Forgive him and forgive yourself. Make amends and all will be fine.

    Afterall, is there any man on earth who doesn’t cheat on his woman? Concubines have been and will continue to be. Forget about whom he could be sleeping with outside and focus on your family.

    • Focus on her marriage indeed from d way you talk can see u a womanizer from d pit of hell did anyone forced him to get married? If u know u can’t keep ur marriage vows don’t get married if I where her would give that bastard a rat poison both of them

  14. With all her education she still have no common sense
    She didn’t ask what could have happened that the maid demonstrate the act of open disobedience to her husband
    Then she gave her the beating of her life,
    Secondly, the maid he’s parents, she’s a living soul with all organs functional like you, you called her filthy
    Does that statement make you righteous?
    You called your friend to come and torture her and murdered the baby in her what if it affects her womb forever…… nonsense

  15. Most men these days get married and continue womanizing d way they like useless sets of people ladies brace up and put d bastard six feet down

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