Hello Ross, it’s my pleasure to write in today. I hope it gets published.

My name is Elena and this is how my marriage ended.

I had a very troubled childhood. My father used to cheat on my mother and beat her as well. It made me hate men. To add to this, I was molested several times by our male neigbour at the age of seven.  I became very withdrawn and I suffered low self esteem.

Eventually my parents divorced and my mother took me with her while my brothers remained with my father. I was allowed to visit my father but I hated him so much that I didn’t bother going to see him. I became rebellious and a nuisance to my mother.

In my anger and depression I got into lesbianism. It started when a school friend of mine took me for a party when I was eighteen. I got drunk at the event and made out with her and other girls after the party. This began my long journey into the life of a lesbian.

I was always the man in the relationship. I dominated and was also aggressive. I was this way until my mother began to ask me about marriage. She asked me for grandchildren. Truly I wanted kids but I didn’t want marriage. I still had so much hatred for men but I eventually bowed to pressure and got married.

I met my husband Tunde, at a bar. I was out with my friends, in fact my girlfriend was with me too. I am very beautiful and I was constantly being hit on even though I had no time for men.

Tunde approached me that night. I had told my girlfriend that I wanted to get married so that I could have children. She agreed provided we continued our relationship. I had no issues with that.  I went ahead to date Tunde for three months before he proposed. I was very good to him even though I didn’t have feelings for him initially.

We got married in a lavish ceremony attended by friends and well wishers. There were whispers here and there of course, but I kept my head up. I became a housewife. I tried to maintain a normal home; doing things the normal way women did.

Dear Davina, She keeps Cheating on me. What do I do?

Tunde didn’t make it easy for me to meet up with my girlfriend; he was always creating activities that would keep me tied down. I got pregnant after six months of marriage. I was elated; it made the marriage worth it.

I still loved my girlfriend though and I found creative ways to meet up with her.

I gave birth to twins. A boy and girl. Tunde was over the moon and so was I. Having kids broke me down and made me start to see life differently.

I started to heal and became determined to make my marriage work first for my kids because I believed I could create a better life for them. I also found that I was getting affectionate towards my husband. I had started to love him. He was indeed a good man and treated me well.

This of course, greatly affected my relationship with my lover. She became angry and bitter.
She began to make unreasonable demands which I tried to meet up with but failed. Caring for twins wasn’t child’s play even though my mother was there for me. I also wasn’t as willing to continue with the relationship.

Her demands became unbearable and she began to threaten me with blackmail. I became depressed again. My husband noticed and tried to find out what was wrong but I couldn’t tell him as I was now afraid of loosing him.

I struggled with finding a way to tell my husband but I was too late. One day he came home visibly angry and disgusted at me. Lara my girlfriend had sent him pictures of us including recent ones I didn’t know she had taken. She told him all about us and made it look like I was just using him as a cover. She said all sort of things to him including how I was planning to run away with the kids and her to the US so that we could live out our lives.

There was nothing I could say, the pictures were there and all my attempts to explain fell on deaf ears. I knew I didn’t stand a chance.

He didn’t take it well and was very disappointed in me. Our lives changed greatly and we drifted apart. I also fell into depression for a long time. He divorced me as he could not wrap his mind around my double life as he said it. He also took the children.

I tried to help myself by checking into a hospital because I was desperate for a change.. My mother was constantly by my bedside praying and crying. I didn’t contest the divorce or the terms because I didn’t want the messy issues to come out largely because of my children and because I was looking forward to a new life.

I dedicated my life to Christ and found fulfillment and deeper peace. Lara came begging, she actually thought she was doing me good by what she had done, thinking I was just coinfused and didn’t know how to break off from Tunde. As far as she was concerned, she was doing me a favor.

She couldn’t understand that I was all over that period in my life. She tried pushing it but eventually got the message and left me alone.

Tunde and I are still divorced but by God’s mercy I now have access to my children. We are also good friends and have started exploring dating once again. This is 3 years after the divorce and I am in a better place now than I was before.

I am still a work in progress but I believe I am in a much better place. I and Tunde recently had sex and it was different for me. I believe he has forgiven me and I look forward to being a wife and mother again. I thank God for second chances.

My thoughts…

Nothing more to add. Elena’s story is full by itself. I hope we get to hear of chapter 2 in her life.

I am truly glad that it is ending well for Elena and Tunde as not all cases are this way. Sometimes I feel that several divorces are too hasty. It looks like people’s tolerance levels seem lower than before.

What do you guys think? Should Elena have told Tunde earlier about her past life? do you think the story would have turned out differently?

Ross T.

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  1. There is a consequence from every actions you take in life,+ I hate it when an adult absolves him or herself of responsibility in the out come of the way he or she responded to what happened to him orher, my father this,my mother that,and Lara that as if you had no control over your response towards them.

  2. I think the divorce was too hasty. Tunde should have heard His wife out. He should have known that she was a victim of an ugly past which she was trying to break away from.
    I pray they find the spark once again. Its never too late to get back together.


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