Some Divorce causing behaviours defy logic. The husband or wife are doing fine, no problems and everything seems to be going alright then out of the blues, problems arise. When those problems involve a third party like we have here with Nse and Tunji, there is a tendency in certain parts of the world to suspect spiritual forces aka juju to be at play.
I mean why would a guy leave his loving wife, baby and just move in with a strange lady without seeming precedent behaviour? it is usual to suspect that something beyond his power pushed him into it. Is that truly so?
I would like your comments and opinions on this story. Do you really believe in juju and it’s power to affect a man’s behaviour? I would like to know what you think.
You can read the archives of our previous divorce stories here. I started a series as a counter to the several divorce stories. My aim was to show that some people could still stick through the issues that were causing divorces. You can read those stories here.
If you have a question or want to share your stories, you can reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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Hello, Davina diaries,
thanks for the opportunity to post my story. My name is Nse and this is how my marriage ended. First off, I have been an ardent reader of your blog, so kudos to you.
I met my husband when attending an interview for a job. We hit off while we waited for the Human Resource personnel. There were other candidates of course but Tunji and I seemed to connect. He got the job while I didn’t. He was there for me, encouraging me to check other places and all that. It was really hard getting a job.
I eventually got one in my field, the pay wasn’t much but it was great for a start. Tunji, on the other hand, seemed to be doing better. We kept in touch and saw each other like twice in a month. He asked me out soon enough. I was elated because I was really into him.
He soon moved out of his family house into his own apartment. I regularly visited him as much as my job would allow. I would say that we had a smooth courtship, hardly quarrelled and all that.
I decided to run an advanced studies course at one of the institutions. I told Tunji about it and he said I shouldn’t yet because he had gained admission to study abroad. He needed funds to help him meet up the deadline for payment. This was someone who earned far more than I did. He told me I could always do my advance studies even after we were married. I gave him the money I had saved up.
He travelled successfully. He was there for a year and then came back to marry me formally. I was happy because I felt I had met the one for me. After the wedding ceremonies, he only stayed for about two months before travelling back again.
I got pregnant during those two months. We were in communication while I awaited the birth of my baby. All was smooth until I noticed that he began to delay sending me money. I wondered what was up. He would only send money if I put pressure on him.
Shortly before my baby was born, he returned to witness her birth. That was when I noticed changes in him. He had become proud, talking loosely and all that; we fought regularly over every little thing. It seemed I was seeing his true colours for the first time. He would taunt me and say I wasn’t sexy.
This led me to labour even before my actual due date. My blood pressure rose. He stayed in the hospital only long enough for my baby to be born then disappeared. When I was discharged, he came around to take me home. Eventually, he travelled back after a month. I was left to care for my child with the help of my family of course.
What broke the camel’s back was when I discovered he had gotten someone pregnant while I was heavily pregnant. He had been unfaithful in the short time he stayed in the country. The woman in question stormed my house and told me they had been together even before we got married. She told me he didn’t love me and that I shouldn’t bother waiting for him.
I insulted her and ordered her out of my house. Then I called Tunji and he confirmed what she said. I was shattered and nearly died of depression. My friends told me it was juju at work.
I was too tired to fight and my baby was the top priority. After his studies, he returned to the woman’s house and not ours. He told me to accept the other woman and live in peace but I was over it.
I moved out of the house and months later filed for a divorce. I’m hoping and praying that God will help me through this trying time. It’s only been three months since the divorce was made final but I still pray that if its juju, it will wear out and he will come back to me.
My brief thoughts…
Tunji was already displaying some selfish tendencies that Nse didn’t take notice of or didn’t make much of. He didn’t need Juju to drive him off the cliff. All he needed was the right kind of woman who wasn’t willing to lie back for another woman even if that woman was already married to the man.
Let’s look at the signs. We see his selfishness in demanding that Nse should rest her career ambitions and rather give him the money she had saved up so that he could advance himself. In doing this, he displayed a high level of self-centeredness.
Yes, he came around when his wife was about to give birth but he used that period to get someone else pregnant.
It is also likely that the woman was right. He never did love Nse and likely only stayed with her for his own reasons.
Also, looking at Nse, I believe she was too subservient. She could have been more assertive in her relationship with her husband. She eventually lost him to a more assertive woman. The fact that she gave in so easily without a fight, choosing to believe the juju angle shows how much mettle she had.
A woman should understand that sometimes she has to defend her turf. It is not always right to always be demure in your relationship. I can go further and analyse this relationship further showing the mistakes on both sides but this is one divorce I believe could have been avoided.