Divorce Story 54: Pat, His Family Saw Me As A Threat

Divorce Story 54: Pat, His Family Saw Me As A Threat

My name is Patricia and this is my journey through a painful divorce. I hope this gets posted on your blog.

I didn’t gain admission to the university after my WAEC, I waited for five years and I must say it wasn’t easy.  It was one problem after the other; my parents had six of us and were civil servants. At some point, they were owed salaries for a very long time. I had to pick up odd jobs while I waited for my turn.

Finally, I did get admitted but by this time most of my mates had graduated or were close to. I felt so old in school and I made up my mind to finish well. It was in my second year I met Julius my ex-husband.

He was a building contractor for the school. As expected, he had money to throw around. I met him at one of the eateries close to the school. He began to toast me and declared I was his wife. He didn’t live in that town but came in frequently for business. He was nice to me and spoiled me with gifts.

We dated for a few months before he decided we should get married. My parents felt I should hold on till my final year but I wanted to get married. He took me to meet his mother and siblings. I was welcomed fairly warmly. I thought they liked me with the way they smiled and hugged me.

Julius was the oldest child of his mother and the breadwinner. His two sisters were married but their husbands were not rich and from time to time he supported them.  His younger brothers didn’t have jobs and fully depended on him and so did his mother. I didn’t see this as warning signs, I just jumped right in.

We had a grand ceremony. I was ecstatic as well as proud of myself. At least I was married even though I was still in school. The next phase was not so easy. I got pregnant immediately after marriage. Luckily for me, I gave birth shortly after my paper.

By my final year, I already had two children. I depended on my mother in law to take care of my children while I tackled my academics. I was stressed out and ended up with an extra semester. My husband was not pleased and kept comparing me with my mates that had sailed through. He made fun of me at any given opportunity.

Eventually, I finished and proceeded for my NYSC.  Few months after my passing out. I found myself pregnant again. I had intended to work for a while but this pregnancy took me by surprise.

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Then things took a nasty turn. My husband lost money in a contract gone bad. We went through some tough times. He couldn’t send money to his siblings as he used to. He cut down on a lot of spending.

His mother and siblings blamed me for this. They said I had turned him against them.

My husband started giving me attitude. He stopped giving me money for the house upkeep. He would only buy food for the children and ignore me. One day his mother openly called me a witch in his presence and he did nothing about it.

I lost weight and began to fall ill frequently. I had to start actively doing business. I started selling soft drinks and snacks to help myself.

My husband then added beatings to his activities with me. His mother took him to a church for prayers. According to the prophet, I was the cause of his misfortunes. More beatings followed and they asked me to leave. That was how I moved back to my parents’ home. They didn’t let me go with my children.

We battled in court for custody and because of my condition, the judge granted me visitation rights. I needed time to heal both emotionally and physically. I left town for a while and with support from family and friends, I got a good job and was able to go back for my children.

It’s been ten years. Julius never fully recovered from the misfortune. His mother eventually died and I don’t know what has become of his siblings.

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