Hi readers, it has been a great week. We have a fresh Divorce story today. Thanks for the comments and the letters sent in regards to the last divorce story. This week I am dealing with a subject we have dealt with severally in the course of our divorce story. It is the involvement of family’s in marriages and how several marriages have ended in divorce largely because of family interruptions. I will allow you to read this story, then I will make my comments at the end of the story.
Please don’t forget to read our other stories and be a part of the conversation.
My Divorce Story 57, He Didn’t shield me from his family
Hello all, my pleasure to share my divorce story with you all. My name is faith. My Dad is Nigerian, My Mum is Ghanaian. I was born in Ghana and identify more as a Ghanaian.
I came to Nigeria when I was thirteen with my parents. My paternal grandmother was ill so my father moved to Nigeria to be close to her. That was how I met my future husband. Ikechukwu lived few blocks from us. We all attended the same church and were in the same bible study group. He was a noisy teen and quite troublesome. He was being raised alongside his six siblings by a single mother. His father died a year after we moved there. He was mischievous and always in trouble.
After our school leaving examinations, we lost contact as my grandmother died and my parents moved away from the neighbourhood.
I shuttled between Ghana and Nigeria for a while before I graduated from the university. It was on one of my trips to Nigeria after graduation that I met Ikechukwu again. We met at the airport. I was arriving from Ghana while he was making a trip to Malaysia. He recognized me first and called out to me. We hugged and exchanged pleasantries. He had grown into a fine looking man. He was more mature now and even seemed slightly shy and less troublesome. He promised to keep in touch and we bade each other farewell.
Months later he contacted me and we began to date. He was mostly based in Malaysia where he did business. I had secured a job in Nigeria and moved there permanently. We stayed together every time he came into town. He was quite braggadocios and liked to spend extravagantly. I really didn’t care about that as I was in love.
We went on for almost two years before I got pregnant and we had to get married. His family thought I trapped him with the pregnancy and didn’t hesitate to let me know how ‘lucky’ I was that their son even looked my way even though I had a very decent job and was doing quite well for myself.
After the wedding, I went back to my apartment since he would be returning to Malaysia anyway. After a few weeks, he called me and in a harsh tone told me to move in with his mother and younger siblings. I knew they were troublesome and the only way I could cope with them was living apart. I protested but he said the marriage would be over if I didn’t. It was too early so I moved into the family house.
Then I knew what hell was. His mother and siblings frustrated me so much. They abused me in their language. I knew some of the words and their neighbours confirmed it. My husband used to send money to me but not long after I moved in with them. He began to send through his brother. It never got to me. I couldn’t buy things for my baby. I called my mother who sent me some baby items from Ghana. I don’t know what they told my husband but he called me and abused me. His siblings took my phone away and I never knew what they did with it.
I grew heavy and I knew I’d never survive there. I went into labour and was rushed to the hospital. I had a baby boy but even on my bed, I knew I wasn’t going back to that place. I begged a nurse to let me use her phone. That was how I contacted my mother and she sent a relative to pick me up from the hospital on my day of discharge before my mother in law showed up.
I never went back. He had to come to Ghana where I told him I wanted a divorce. He pleaded and shouted but I didn’t want to go down that road anymore. I told him he was free to see his son at any time but I wasn’t going to allow him to get near his father’s toxic family.
This has been my story. Sometimes it’s not enough to love a person, it also matters where that person is coming from. I guess being raised by a single mom turned out wrong for my ex. They must have suffered but it’s not enough to frustrate another person with that.
Mothers who single-handedly raise their sons usually find it difficult to let go especially when they have had to raise the kids through hard and difficult times. They assume they know the best for their kids and usually prove to be tough to spouses of their kids.
Most times as well, the kids are blackmailed into being held to their mother’s apron strings. On one hand, they are witnesses to their mother’s struggles and on the other hand, most of these mothers daily remind their kids about the struggles they are going through just to put food on the table. As such most kids raised this way grow up thinking they are in huge debts to their parents.
It is quite tough for a newlywed to live with her in-laws especially one from a multicultural background like faith. She should have stood her ground and allowed her husband to carry out his threat of ending the divorce if she didn’t move into the family house.
One challenge I find in a lot of these marriages is that the woman speaks up too late. If she had insisted earlier, she might still have had her marriage.
I am also of the opinion that she was too much in a hurry to get a divorce. I can imagine the horrors she went through at the hands of her in-laws, but my thinking is that she could have used her new strong position to bargain for some compromises. There is no record in her story of maltreatment from her husband beyond that meted to her by her in-laws and their influence over him.
Her husband travelling to Ghana to see her indicates that he was willing to compromise. She should have seized on that opportunity to ask for some favourable changes to be made to the marriage. She could also go ahead and seek some security for the future knowing the type of in-laws.
In the end, I believe this divorce was too premature and a better conclusion could have been arrived at. I, however, realise that I am not the aggrieved party and he who wears the shoes, feels the pinch the most. She must have seen things that made her realise that a divorce was the best.
Please let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comment section below. You can send me a private message concerning your marriage or if you want to share your story to firstname.lastname@example.org