HI Ross T, my name is Gift and I am a 26-year-old mother of four. I got married at 23 and I have two sets of twins. Marriage has cost me pretty much everything in life. Namely my freedom, happiness, dreams, career, my youth and looks.
After my university education, I fought tooth and nail to also get my masters degree which I did at 22 and afterwards, my parents started bugging me about marriage. Mind you, I wasn’t ready for the marital life. I had my life all planned out, dreams, vision and all. None of those included getting entangled with a man that would clip my wings for life.
I could say my marriage was arranged by my parents and I was married to the highest bidder even though it didn’t seem that way at the time. Ronald the man I married had just returned to the country and was the son of a prominent chief in my town. My parents wasted no time in giving him the list for marriage and a date was fixed. Ronald was pretty nice to me the few months we courted, the pampering I got was out of this world and he seemed like God sent.
Ronald made it clear that I would not be allowed to work or earn any income of myself as long as I was his wife. He said he was able to cater for his family and my sole business was raising his kids and building a home.
This didn’t sit well with me at first, but I finally accepted as he was actually taking care of me in every way until after our honeymoon when I began to see another side of my prince charming husband.
From when we got married, I have had to cook fresh meals for my husband, because according to him, he does not eat outside and doesn’t eat old meals either, all his meals have to be fresh. I go to the market almost every day and cook every day. I was happy doing it because I loved him and was happy to have a husband who doesn’t eat out.
My husband refused to allow me to work, saying that he didn’t want me parading the town but just wanted me to sit at home and take care of his children. I spend the whole day taking care of the house and kids with no help whatsoever from him neither would he allow me to get a nanny. The whole situation got me looking older than my age.
I got a real insight into how insensitive my husband was when one day, a friend introduced me to an errand establishment in our neighbourhood and I realised these people run errands for busy folks for just a token amount and their services were top notch. So I commissioned them to help me get groceries, foodstuffs and supplies for the house to which they delivered effectively.
I was so happy about this that I told my husband about my new errand guys and that I need not leave our kids with our neighbour while I go to the market anymore. To my utmost shock, my husband started yelling at me, calling me a lazy and insensitive wife. He asked why I had to let total strangers shop for what we would eat. He questioned my essence in his house, asked me exactly what my duties were that I couldn’t take time to go to market myself.
The biggest blow hit me when he started lamenting on how my parents tasked him heavily all in the name bride price and said he must get his money’s worth till he exhausted the money he paid on my head.
That was the moment it dawned on me as to why he had been giving me such a shabby treatment not even fit for a maid. This man has just been torturing me all because of the bride price he willing paid on me. I take care of 4 kids without any domestic help and he doesn’t help out either, all he does is bring friends home to eat the food I cook and scatter the house as they like, leaving me to clean up after them.
Here is a man who met me as a very fair, beautiful young girl but has now stressed me beyond measure that I look twice my age. A man who wouldn’t allow me anywhere near any of his 2 cars, who could afford anything but gives me nothing except food and a roof over my head.
Let me open your eyes to some more of his cruelty. One Sunday after church, I begged my husband that we should go out to eat because I was tired and we closed quite late from church that day but he frowned and said he won’t eat out so I had to take off my heels and entered the kitchen tired and hungry.
I made food for him after which he said he was going out to watch football with his friends. Hours later, I went out to get ice cream for my kids as I had earlier promised them. So I made my way to a nearby eatery and guess who I saw on entering; my husband with a girl eating the same fast food he told me he loathed so much and couldn’t stand. He didn’t see me at first, so I ordered the ice cream and went to his table to sit with him and his mystery side chic.
I said hi to the girl, and my husband almost entered the ground on seeing me, he could not even look me in the face and that gave me so much satisfaction, he was so uncomfortable and ashamed that I had to just walk away before my anger got the better part of me.
Thinking of how this man enslaved me all in the name of marriage made it hard to control myself, I kept asking myself “why are men so wicked to their wives and nice to their side chic”. I felt the need to punish my husband so badly, but the fact that I was handicapped financially kept making me think twice on any decision I planned to take.
So I decided to get a job so I won’t have to meet him for money or anything, I couldn’t continue to suffer. Because of the fact that I caught him red-handed with another woman, he couldn’t object to my decision. I am just here counting months to my freedom, waiting to save enough cash to start a side business alongside my job before I serve my husband a taste of his medicine. I have decided to quit this thing called marriage aka prison.
I just want to plead with ladies out there not to rush into marriage without having their own source of income no matter how small. They should also never give in to parental pressure on who to marry or give up dreams on the altar of marriage.
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