Divorce Story 71: Ifeoluwa, Divorced Because I Couldn’t Have More Kids

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Divorce Story 71: Ifeoluwa, Divorced Because I Couldn't Have More Kids

Good day all, my name is Ifeoluwa and this is the sad story of my divorce. I’m happy to share my story here and I would love your thoughts. I got divorced after three years of marriage basically because my husband and I could not reach a compromise.

Mathew and I met through mutual friends. He was already a bank manager when we met and was looking to settle down in marriage. I was also eager to get hitched too as I was already in my thirties.  Dating was done swiftly and in less than a year we were married.

Mathew did well in caring for me and taking up responsibility for our bills. We lived in a good apartment and things were okay. He told me from the onset that he wanted at least four children; even though I didn’t want that much. We tried for a child for about two years before I eventually conceived.

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A difficult Pregnancy

I had a difficult pregnancy. My back hurt and I developed high blood pressure. My baby girl was born prematurely at seven months. I stayed for two weeks in the hospital before I was discharged. My baby was kept in the incubator until she was strong enough to be taken home.

I felt sad and moody all the time. According to what I had heard, after childbirth, the joy overrides the pain but it was not my story. Depression was real, focus was far off. I loved my daughter but I began to wonder if I could go through all that again. Mathew was very happy to be a father and threw a big party for her naming.

I took up my new role as a mother seriously even though it was daunting. My daughter fell ill a lot so we were always in and out of hospitals for a whole year. After her first birthday, she became a lot stronger. As for me, I wanted a long break so imagine my dismay when my husband came asking me for another child.

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The Journey to Being Divorced

I told him I wasn’t in the right frame of mind then, that I needed time to recover fully from all I had been through. We continued having sex but I used contraceptives. By the time our daughter was two, he began to mount pressure on me again. I told him my body was not ready to house another child. He wasn’t buying it and after a while started giving me odd vibes.

Mathew would stay out late and come home reeking of a mixture of alcohol and faint perfume. One day he drunkenly told me that if I didn’t get pregnant he would get another wife. I told him he was bluffing and we had a big row.

Divorced!!

Well, a few months later I found out that another woman was carrying his child. I knew I stood no chance so I filed for a divorce. We are currently divorced and I am raising my child by myself. My husband’s mistress promptly moved in with him immediately the divorce was granted and birth to baby girl. Last I heard, it seems she is pregnant again.

Childbearing is not something I want to do anymore so I’m content in my divorced state even though I miss my husband sometimes.

My thoughts…

This is one Divorce that didn’t need to happen. Mathew and Ifeoluwa could have been more patient with each other. These days, there are so many ways couples could have children legitimately.

First of all, rather than seek to be divorced, they should have sort out medical advice on Ifeoluwa’s condition both physically and mentally. She should have sort out counselling and seeing a psychologist. Postpartum depression is quite real and should not be taken lightly.

They could have chosen to adopt or have a surrogate carry their child. This way, the kids are biologically theirs but have a different carrier reducing the health risks that Ifeoluwa might encounter. At the end of the day, Mathew did have the child from another woman and their once happy lives got ruined.

If you seek marital advice please write to me at ross.t@davinadiaries.com. If you have a divorce story or a marriage anecdote that we can all learn from, that you like to share, please send me a mail. Strict confidentiality is assured. We don’t publish anything you don’t agree to and we change names and events to hide your identity.

Ross

4 COMMENTS

  1. The marriage seems to be more of convenience, and was so easily discarded. Where was love, mutual care, tolerance, sacrifice, et.c. that are the usual ingredients of marriages? The vows you took seems nothing to you two. Madam, you knew from the onset that he wanted four children, agreed and went ahead with the marriage and think you can just refuse his desires as if you owned your body? No ma, no matter what your body is saying after two years, that fight shouldn’t have happened ma. It smirks of immaturity, selfishness and bad attitudes, a lot of undercurrents, on both sides. I have no commendation for either of you, you chose your lot and made your separate beds. The one I pity here is the poor girl you both birth.

  2. i think we shouldnt be so hard on the woman.she obviously had a scary first pregnancy amd should have gotten psychological help..she never got over the experience she had..simple as that..the husband should have sought to help her thats all..i pray she gets the help she needs

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