Whether you’re dealing with trust issues or getting into tons of fights with the person you love when your relationship seems to be struggling it can be difficult to know how to fix the problems between the two of you, or whether you should simply let it go altogether and move on.
Before you kiss the person you once fell in love with goodbye forever and end your relationship once and for all, here are 10 deep relationship questions to ask yourself.
1. “Am I irritated with my partner most of the time?”
Irritation grows into contempt when held for an extended length of time. Catch it early so it doesn’t have a chance to grow.
2. “Do I have expectations about how I want to be treated but I’m often disappointed?”
While we all have expectations about how we want something to go, not being flexible to include who the other person is and how they want to live can be death to a relationship.
It’s good to know if your expectations are a deal breaker or not.
3. “Am I jealous of other people and their relationships?”
If you’re looking at other couples and want what they seem to have and you don’t, that’s a sign for you to focus your attention on your relationship and what’s good about it, or decide whether it’s so lacking in what you want that it’s a deal breaker for you.
4. “Am I afraid to say what I’m feeling for fear of causing problems?”
If you’re afraid to say what you’re feeling, you can learn to speak your truth. It’s helpful to know if your fears are caused by your partner’s reactions or not.
5. “Do my partner and I have trust issues that interfere with physical or emotional intimacy?”
If your trust has been broken in this relationship (or even in relationships in the past), it’s good to know whether or not there’s really something going on in your current relationship to cause your mistrust.
6. “Am I constantly trying to ‘fix’ my partner, or is my partner trying to ‘fix’ me?”
When there’s a “fixing the other” problem in a relationship, it’s difficult to open yourselves to each other.
The truth is that one person can stop this dynamic.
7. “Do my partner and I allow problems to simmer until one of us explodes?”
If problems are allowed to simmer, an explosion usually happens sooner or later. You don’t have to go through this cycle. Again, one person can make a difference.
8. “Do my partner and I run away emotionally or physically when things get tough?”
Running away when things get tough can be a difficult pattern to cope with, especially if one person wants to talk it out immediately.
There are ways to deal with this that both people can accept.
9. “Do my partner and I frequently stay late at work or do other things to avoid being together?”
Avoidance is a sure sign that there could be a trust issue in some form or another.
When one person would often prefer to be somewhere other than together, it’s time to look at what you both want in the relationship.
10. “Have our friends asked me why I’m with my partner or suggested I might be happier with someone else?”
Your friends usually have your best interests at heart, so it’s good to take their opinions into consideration.
Ultimately, only you can know whether you’re with the “right” person or not.
If you answered “yes” to 6 or more of these questions, your relationship is in the “danger zone.”
This “danger zone” doesn’t mean you need to immediately leave the relationship, but rather that you and your partner need to focus some attention on it and learn how to make it better.
It may also mean you need to take some time to decide how you want to live your life, and whether this relationship is nourishing for you or not.
If you answered “yes” to 2 or more of these questions your relationship needs attention.
Learning some new communication skills can help revitalize your relationship. Know that one person practising these skills can shift the relationship to a more loving environment without giving yourself away.