So guys… after jumping from Sade to Natasha and then Tomi, you finally decided to settle with the one. Your dream partner.
But if you want the relationship to work, there are some playboy habits you need to drop totally. They are:
- You have one foot out the door.
- You’re checking out other women.
- You still have a profile up on a dating site.
- You haven’t let the women in your pipeline, your casual partners, and hook-up buddies know that you’re off the market.
- Fantasising about other women.
- Flirting with someone other than your partner.
You need to understand that if you have a habit of moving from one woman to the next, you’ve wired your brain to make that happen. If you want to play for keeps, you need to rewire. The behaviours listed above will not support and nurture a committed relationship. Put both feet solidly inside the door and keep them there.
- You barricade your heart.
Love, intimacy and closeness are scary things, they put us at serious risk of rejection, humiliation, or shame. Jumping from woman to woman is a damn good way to keep from being vulnerable, but there are hundreds of others.
If you want to keep a relationship alive, you need to annihilate any behaviour that keeps your heart closed and protected.
- Not being present.
- Not accepting her love.
- Joking about or not expressing your feelings for her.
- Talking about head things (politics, sports, work) and not heart things (love, hurts, joys).
- Avoiding important relationship questions: do you love me? What do we want for ourselves?
- Fighting, fleeing or freezing up.
- Judging and finding things wrong with her.
- You watch too much porn.
I’m adding porn to this mix because you’ve probably checked out your share of porn. Given the increasing acceptance of these things, you may not think it’s a big deal.
And it may not be. Your partner could be totally cool with a porn habit or an occasional fix. She may be into it herself, and it may add a refreshing bit of kink to an already hot relationship.
But beware. Evidence is piling up suggesting that porn, specifically internet porn, isn’t good for you, individually, and isn’t good for you as a couple.
Apparently, the more porn one or both partners are into, the less stable the relationship and the greater likelihood of sexual dysfunction including (even in men in their teens and twenties) erectile dysfunction, rubber dicks.
Here’s the deal: If you want different results, you need to do different things. If you want to keep this relationship, then you can’t do what you did in your off-hand affairs. Stop doing anything that takes you off the path to greater intimacy and love.