I understand how challenging it can be to remain calm when your kid triggers that anger in you, your calmness at that point in time, is very difficult to sustain.
Several times, we put the blame on our kids, for causing that wide yell and convince ourselves that it’s because they are adamant, or sassy.
However, it is important to understand that it’s our actions that push us to react without thinking. Parenting is a very personal experience and our feelings can easily get in our way of logic and wise reasoning. The most important thing we need to always keep in mind is that we must accept the challenges of our feelings, but take control of our behaviour when our strong feelings are triggered.
These are 8 parenting tips you should consider and work with, to avoid or rather reduce that action of yelling at your kids.
- Educate the thoughtful aspect of your brain: Read parenting articles (like parenting guides on DavinaDiaries) that remind you of the essence of staying calm and not to lose temper on your kids. You must pause and think before you respond.
- Recognize your triggers: Give attention to your children’s behaviour and notice which of them get the heat rising in you. Check your body signals that indicate your heat rising. Make sure you write all of this down.
- Ask yourself why these behaviours upset you so much: Ask yourself some personal question and ensure you answer them. Do you have fears of the future? What does it trigger from your past? Is your child’s behaviour making you feel unsure of yourself? Write down what you do to help soothe yourself when you feel any of these triggered emotions.
4. Know the aftermath: Anger can only make a negative impact on your children’s behaviour. You can settle these emotions maturely within yourself so they don’t spill outside of yourself onto others.
5. Have realistic expectations: Parenting is more of a lifetime responsibility. Recognise the inevitability of being inadequate at the job of parenting. If you cannot remind yourself, speak to the compassionate friend that loves you. She can bring to your remembrance these truths and help you keep a perspective.
6. Heal your wounds: Clear your heart from the unfinished business of the past. Stop being troubled by the things you were faced with in the past, during your childhood. Get your adult relationships and personal life in order so you don’t rely on your kids to fill the void.
7. Avoid power struggles: Keep your focus on your child’s strength don’t catch yourself getting hooked in the pattern of negative interactions with your child when you get triggered.
8. Release your stress through exercise: Relieve yourself by meditating, praying, and doing yoga. Relax your body when tense; take a deep breath with your eyes closed. Do these for a few minutes and you will be fine.