How will this Valentine’s be? Our very first ‘Buhari Valentine’s… That’s the question on many lips.
Me sef I wonder o.
No sharp Lagos girl jokes with Valentine’s day. In fact, it takes a lot of perseverance and planning just to ensure that on February 14, she doesn’t roast. It all starts during Christmas. when she would have carefully selected a lovely present to gift the boo with. She knows that he must be pleased with the gift as she ropes the innocent guy into indebtedness. By January, she is doing his laundry and serving him delicious meals back to back. But with President Buhari in the picture, Valentine’s day might be looking bleak this year.
This is the very first Valentine’s since the Naira decided to keep falling against the dollar. Last time I checked, the exchange rate was N321. How will the boo buy those imported chocolates, champagne, fresh flowers and Teddy bear without his account sweating? Choco Milo, palm wine, ugwu and omolanke never looked so attractive. Rather than buy some expensive fresh flowers which will wither away before Wednesday (who has time to be watering and turning on the AC for flowers?) the boo would rather do ‘roses-can-be-green’ and bring home some fresh ugwu which will eventually translate to vegetable soup. After all, a family that eats together stays together… Our first Buhari Valentine’s.
This is the first Valentine’s since the electricity tariff hike. So, even if the boo chooses to stay on a budget and suggests a stay-in cinema experience during which you will turn on just one fan and watch African Magic with N100 popcorn from the roadside and Shoprite N99 Coke and Fanta, will there actually be electricity to watch the movie? Our first Buhari Valentine’s.
This is the first Valentine’s since the Nigerian cupid retired. Yes, indeed, the ‘baby mama fairy’ has taken over and this is largely due to the rate of unemployment. I’ll explain. How does one explain a situation in which parents spend good money educating their children only for them to be jobless 3 years after N.Y.S.C. The APC government kept chanting the particular promise that they would create 720,000 jobs within the first year of President Buhari’s administration. We are in the 8th month and people are still keeping vigil for the fulfillment of the promise.
The price of the dollar even makes it harder for start-ups to flourish yet there are bills to pay. Even though sex before marriage is a NO-NO, there’s hardly anything you can do help a young lady who sees a young man who doesn’t know what to do with his money. She would rather get pregnant for him and show up when it’s almost time for delivery of the child. By this time, the guy will have no choice but to accept his responsibility. He’ll subsequently set her up in a decent apartment, put her on his pay roll and voila! She lives happily ever after- at least on Instagram. Whatever happens behind closed doors will now be her own puff puff to eat.
Most guys on the other hand, are running away from cupid because of the situation of the economy. Some guys have started sending the ‘I will attend all the four services in church this Sunday’ text to their bae’s. Some people will wake up on Valentine’s day only for that woman in the phone call center to tell them that the number they still called the previous night to say good night to their boo does not exist.
Those who will discover their boo’s side chicks on Instagram are there too. Kcee was right after all, EVEN YOUR BOO HAS A BOO!
There is however, another tiny percent of people who will rise above the current situation of things, either because they are the suffering and smiling Nigerians. Or, maybe bae will bring down the house if boo doesn’t perform. Or, they, like me, are simply above the economies of this world.
Whichever one you are, Happy first Valentine’s day with President Buhari at the helm of affairs. Let’s hope the dollar is not N500 by the D-day though