My Divorce Story 10, Diane: He Left Me For For Best Friend
My name is Diane and here is my divorce story.
I grew up in a religious home. My parents were very strict and so we were disciplined a lot while growing up. My parents gave us a good life. There was really nothing we lacked as children. My mother taught in a secondary school and my father worked as an engineer in one of the big engineering firms.
I’m the youngest of four siblings. I really did not have the freedom to do a lot of things as I attended school from home even up to university. I had one or two brief relationships but that was it. For the first time, I left home during NYSC. I was nervous as I left my home for another state but with the help of some of my schoolmates who were also posted there, I settled in fine.
One fine day after parade, we rushed to get our plates for food. We were excited because jollof rice was on the menu that afternoon. In my rush I didn’t see the young fellow in front of me, I bumped into him and we both fell. It was embarrassing but we laughed about it and became friends.
His name was Bidemi. He had studied civil engineering and was going abroad for his masters shortly after service. We were posted to different local government areas but he still found time to visit me in mine regularly. We got really close and upon passing out, he asked me to be his girlfriend officially and we began to date.
His family lived in the same town as mine so we still saw each other after service. His parents were strict too according to him. I met his siblings and he met mine. We hung out a lot with his best friend Mike. Mike and Bidemi had been friends from year one in the university so I also became friends with him. Bidemi never pestered me for sex, unlike other guys I had dated. I assumed it was because of his sense of morals and strict upbringing. I also wanted to save myself for my husband so it was fine with me.
Months after NYSC, Bidemi travelled to Germany for his master’s program. I wasn’t too happy but as it was for our good, I adjusted. Along with Mike and his parents, we saw him off at the airport. We communicated regularly via emails and occasional calls. I also secured a job which kept me busy as well. When he returned, he proposed to me in the presence of both families and friends, I happily said yes. We got married five months after his proposal. I moved into his apartment and settled into my wifely duties.
This was the first time we would actually stay together for long. He was caring enough, paid bills and assisted with house chores whenever he was at home. We had the regular fights and quarrels any new couple would have. Several things began to happen simultaneously.
If I did not initiate sex, Bidemi would not make a move. I asked him several times if he did not get turned on by me and he said he did. I even started wearing skimpy outfits to entice him. He only managed to get through a round of sex. This frustrated me a lot. I began to think he was cheating. I snooped around but found nothing. He also disappeared for brief intervals of which his number would not be available for that duration of time.
I managed to get pregnant and even though he didn’t feel too thrilled, he supported me. My pregnancy was a miracle considering the number of times we actually had sex. My baby arrived healthily and for a moment I forgot all I was going through with Bidemi. Mike was around as well, buying things for our baby and visiting more regularly. He was not married yet even though he had a good job.
My husband once again had to travel for a course abroad. I took care of our son while he was overseas. We communicated all through his stay and I couldn’t wait to have him back. About the same time, Mike quit his job and also travelled to the same state my husband was. He said he was going to check out the opportunities there.
A few months later my husband returned. I was excited to have him back after almost two years. As one would imagine, I expected us to have mind-blowing sex after such a long time. The first night he claimed he was tired and after two days I got concerned. It caused a fight. I had to involve his parents, something had never done before. They called for a meeting where they asked him why he acted the way he did. He apologized and promised to change. That night we made love but I knew it was just all mechanical.
Days later I heard him argue over the phone heatedly. It seemed to be a quarrel between lovers. I confronted him and he quietly asked for a divorce. I was shocked to my bones, I saw bad signs but I actually thought we could work it through. I asked him why and he replied that he only married me to give his parents a grandchild. The bigger shocker was yet to come. I asked if he was seeing someone else and he confirmed it.
I wanted to know who it was. He looked into my eyes and said ‘Mike’. That night he packed his things out of the house. I cried and at the same time, my mind wandered back to his relationship with Mike, the strange disappearances and how he told Mike almost everything. I should have known.
I watched my gay husband leave. As was expected, both families were devastated. My parents welcomed me back with open arms. The divorce went very fast and Bidemi finally left the country to join Mike. They are still together now. I have started dating again and I pray that this time I actually meet my own man.